LMNOP

This Post Contains Mad Men Spoilers, OK? OK.

In case the title didn't tip you off, let me repeat: THIS POST CONTAINS MAD MEN SPOILERS.  If you read it and then cry bitter, 1963-flavored tears because I ruined your Tivo lineup for the night, don't blame me, because I warned you.

So, the Mad Men finale last night was pretty sweet.  A lot of shit went down at once, so mostly all I was able to do was say "Oh, SNAP" every four minutes and try to keep up with the plot line.  Now that it's been almost 24 hours, I've had a little more time to process everything.  Mostly, I've been trying to wrap my head around the thrilling new corporate entity that is Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, so-named because "All the Good People Except Ken Cosgrove and the Kinda Communist Guy Ad Agency" is too long to fit on a door.

In order to help me understand things, I put together an org chart reflecting my understanding of the new agency's structure.  In order to be Mad Men-er, I did it by hand.

(click to enlarge)

As you can see, the rather top-heavy org structure consists of five partners (if you count Pete), plus three poached underlings and Pete's crazy wife, who technically doesn't work there, but will undoubtedly be around to serve food and wear bizarre hats, so I'm keeping her in there.  After all, what's an org chart without a sandwich-maker/dipshit?

Saturday Morning Pancake Breakfast: Big Nom

Probably my favorite thing about this photo is that one top tooth you can see hanging down.

This Week in Internet: Big Ben, Babies, Cartozoology

Just a couple of links this week, I have really been too busy searching online for full-body bear wigs to do much of anything else.

South Korean woman passes driving test . . . on her 950th try.

Yet another sad, bald animal.

Big Ben is on Twitter.  Yes, I'm talking about the clock.

I think if I had a baby, I would do this to all its clothes.

Cartozoology: the discipline dedicated to the discovery and study of animals outlined paradigmatically by street layouts as they appear on maps.

Fun with Google Suggest (thx, Em)

Apparently, Bears Have Hair for a Reason

Today I read this article about some poor, sad female bears at a German zoo that have mysteriously lost all their hair.  This is how a normal spectacled bear looks:

And this is how they look bald:

In other words:

BEAR - HAIR = ELEPHANT BODY WITH HORRIFYING SATAN/DONKEY FACE

This disturbs me.  I did not think that bears would look awesome under their hair, but I didn't think they would look like that.  I mean, compared to this, hairless cats--which in reality look like they are mostly made from turkey slices and alien eyes--look downright cuddly.

OK, not cuddly.  But definitely not as bad.  Let's just say that hairless bears will never be invited to live with any of the Real Housewives of New Jersey anytime soon.

Potential Better Slide Show Idea for People Pets

"Pictures in Which Brad Pitt Looks Like a Billy Goat!"

There are many to be found these days.

Basically, People Magazine's Pet Website Needs an Ombudsman

I believe I have mentioned here before that I think People Pets is the most ridiculous site on the entire Internet.  The site is notable because, even in a category that is already ridiculous--dog and cat news--it is extra inane.  Take today, for example; amid such major stories as "Larry the 70-Year-Old Lobster Will Not Be Eaten" and "Pious Pooch Attends Church Twice a Week," the site boldly featured a slide show entitled, "Pets That Look Like Vanna White!"

Now, it might just be me, but I think that if you are going to feature something as absurd as a gallery of pets looking like Vanna White, you should really deliver on the premise.  Sadly, the slide show in question does not.  Let's take a closer look at why.

These are the two photos that start off the slideshow.  You'll note that the resemblance here is not uncanny, but it's not terrible.  I would think that if Vanna White were a dog, she would be a smiley retriever-type like this.  So there is, at the very least, enough integrity in the first comparison that you go into the second slide with your hopes up.  But then . . . 

. . . You see this.  A picture of Vanna White holding an umbrella next to a picture of a black cat THAT LOOKS NOTHING WHATSOEVER LIKE VANNA WHITE, also under an umbrella.  Evidently the fact that the two images share the presence of an umbrella is supposed to be enough to sustain the theme of the slideshow, but come ON--the umbrellas don't even look like each other.  We are at the second photo, and already this slide show is phoning it in in a major way.

It gets worse with the third slide, and this crocheting cat.  People Pet's editors clearly had to go back 20 years to find a picture of Vanna to include in comparison, and she's not even crocheting--she's knitting.  At this point, the credibility of the slide show has already eroded beyond repair.

This slide is clearly the best since No. 1, due to such factors as the angle of the photograph, inclusion of sunglasses, and the slightly similar bangs Vanna and the dog seem to be rocking.  It constitutes the second valid inclusion in the entire slideshow, though it is in no way enough to redeem it.

Another photo, another complete erosion of the premise of the slide show.  Notice the caption: "'One-year-old Puppy flips on his back and sticks his paws up like a little bunny,' shares mom Judith Ohanian of Sunrise, Fla."  Which means that even Judith of Sunrise, Fla., who is stupid enough to send a photo of her dog into People Pets, is not stupid enough to compare said dog with Vanna White.  A bunny, yes; Vanna, no.  EVEN THOUGH THEY BOTH, AT ONE TIME IN THEIR LIVES, POINTED TOWARDS A CAMERA.

This is the photo I am presuming sparked the idea for this entire godawful photo gallery.  Somewhere in a stack of photo submissions, someone saw this dog pointing at a TV playing Wheel of Fortune and thought, "Well, we have a million photos of dogs and cats.  There are also probably a million photos of Vanna White out there, because she's been on TV for the past 20 years. Clearly, according to the 'Enough Monkeys and Enough Typewriters' Rule, there has got to be enough material out there to cobble together a slideshow comparing them." 

Guess what?

That was an incorrect assumption.

In conclusion, People Pets' slideshow of pets that look like Vanna White contains two pets that kind of look like Vanna White, one pet that is kind of acting like Vanna White, and FOUR pets that fail to demonstrate anything more than the weakest notional resemblance to being like Vanna White, or in the same room as something she was once also in the same room as.  This, to me, does not constitute grounds for a slide show; rather, it indicates the need for much greater accountability at the highest levels of the People Pets editorial structure.

Some Awkward for Your Monday

Possibly my favorite awkward moments are the ones that come as a result of situations that didn't really need to be happening in the first place.  And when you're talking about situations that didn't need to happen in the first place, I think "making fruit look like it is wearing clothing" is about as high up on the list as you can reasonably get.

(via The Soup -- having problems embedding the clip, so you may want to watch it over there.)

Saturday Morning Pancake Breakfast: It's All an Illusion

On Thursday, I posted a picture that made it look like Pancake and Pebbles were actually maybe touching.  Today, I am posting an aerial glimpse of that same scene to prove that they were, in fact, maintaining the minimum six inches of separation required by law.  (And by "law," I mean "Pebbles.")

This Week in Internet: The Links My Immune System Didn't Want You to See

Despite my shoddy immune system's best efforts at keeping me out all week, I did manage to catch up on a little Internet today.  But just a little.  Here we go.

Quick!  Think of a name for the upcoming Jodie Sweetin memoir.  Is this what you picked?

Incredible dissolving plastic packaging.  The future is now o' clock!

Best job in America?

I might need to make one of these ASAP.  After all, it's almost crocheting season.  And who doesn't love tentacles?

What cats do all day.  I should have been a cat.

Behold, the hundred oldest domain names.  We should totally time travel to March 14, 1985 and buy ALL OF THEM. 

Nickelodeon buys the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  I was totally just thinking about Krang last week for some reason.  Spent some time on his Wikipedia page, catching up ("Every plan Krang conceives is either aimed at that goal, or towards the short-term objective of powering-up the Technodrome.").  "Krang" would be a great cat name.

It's Been a Raspy Couple of Days

So, I've been knocked out by a case of the Gross Nasty Whatevers since Monday and am just now coming out from underneath my blankets and cough drop wrappers.  Hellllo, world!  Were your lights always so bright?

Missing three days of e-mail, blog, and Twitter activity has me basically feeling like I have been alone on an international space station for a year, but I'll see what I can do to catch up.  In the meantime, I would like to thank the full-time medical staff at my house for giving me such excellent round-the-clock care:

Thanks, docs!