Also, I Deserve No Credit for The Graphics in This Post, They Are Michelle's Own Divine Creation

Today I am pleased to present the first installment out of at least three and maybe five of a feature in which Michelle helps us cover somre remaining March topics.  For example, today she addresses National Athletic Trainer Month.  All of the posts in this feature also conclude with a special poem written in honor of National Poetry Month, which actually might be April but I think we can all agree we're close enough.  Anyway, here we go:

I was very excited to educate the LMNOP readership about Athletic Trainers Month, as I thought that this month was dedicated to personal trainers. I figured that personal trainers deserved their own month as many seem to be ex-college athletes with no hope of a professional career, which may or may not make them as qualified as peanuts or water to tell you what to do at the gym. Then a personal trainer at my gym told me I was fat, and that's pretty much when I was about to give up on this post altogether.  Luckily, through my research [If I thought you cared enough to check out the facts, I'd refer you to the NATA website to learn more about athletic training. Since I doubt your commitment to this celebration, I'm hoping you'll just take my word as the gospel truth.], I learned that personal training is a completely different profession than athletic training, with athletic trainers being infinitely better than personal trainers.

Athletic trainers, much like Gatorade, began their rich and storied history on college campuses, then then spread their sugary, sweat-replenishing goodness throughout the entire nation.  They are essentially a poor-man's/college athlete's, less-educated physical therapist. Their days are split between the following important activities: wholeheartedly supporting the team (this may involve face and/or chest painting); playing with medical tape (specifically, making animal figurines); "assisting the athletic director as needed" (this probably includes dodging unwanted sexual advances, maybe also some xeroxing); celebrating Athletic Trainers month (sending e-greeting cards, making posters); and estimating the severity of a sports-injury by comparing said injury to a fruit or ball ("That bruise is the size of a grapefruit!").

Notice that not even one minute of this day is spent calling me fat; truly, these people are heroes.  In honor of these Athletic Trainers--dare I say Gods--I humbly submit this Cinquain. (In case you do not teach English for a living/do not enjoy elementary school poetry, a cinquain is a five line poem which follows a 2-4-6-8-2 syllabic pattern. I ignored the two syllable rule for the first line as "athletic" contains a disappointing number of syllables.)

 

Athletic trainers

Are certified.

They can splint your finger.

They're quite good at ankle-taping.

Helpful!

Comments

[Matt]

OUCH. although athletic training and physical therapy do overlap as far as rehabillitation goes, we treat different patient populations. ATC's deal with athletes and the physically active, PT's deal with a variety of different populations. Also we are not "less-educated" we are educated in a different setting. Besides the gross misrepresentation of my profession, thanks for getting the word out there.

[Mary]

Double ouch for athletic trainers and personal trainers! I think it is neat that you took the time to find out more about the athletic training profession and then write about it in your blog. However, both professionals, athletic trainers and personal trainers, have different skill sets and different goals when working with their clients/patients. Even though a college degree is not required to be a personal trainer, it does involve acquiring specialized knowledge and skill. Athletic training does require a minimum of a four year degree in athletic training and at most institutions, is as competative and challenging as physical therapy. As Matt stated in the previous comment, even though athletic trainers and physical therapists may use the same modalities, exercises and techniques, they often treat different patient populations.

[NATA PR Committee]

Hi ladies. I think you will find it of interest that during an NATA PR committee meeting we came across your site. We read with interest your reference to the profession -- alas why do we rank BELOW dog walkers. Please know that these medical professionals take their jobs seriously -- 70% have a masters degree or higher and we take pride in preventing, assessing, treating and rehabilitating injuries and illnesses.

I'm sure you've seen us on the sidelines of sports teams -- we are the first responders when an athlete goes down -- but we're also in so many other settings: performing arts, military, corporate, rehab centers/clinics and a wide variety of other environments where getting people back to activity in a safe and effective manner is our most important goal.

We very much DIFFER from physical therapists and particularly personal trainers - who focus solely on fitness and conditioning.

We know you're aware of the NATA.org Web site but wonder if you might be interested in this profession for yourself. You've done your research but PLEASE put us at the top of your occupational list!

You can also visit the bocatc.org site -- the Board of Certification site which will tell you more about the profession and certification.

Thanks for helping us spread the word.

[Danielle]

haha! ohh...for a second i thought it was a hilarious joke but now i realize you were serious and how offensive this is. shame on you. but as a dog walker i thank you for recognizing my importance over athletic trainers.

[D.C.]

I just noticed that after you reach a certain point on the occupational hierarchy, you lose the right to sport a monocle.

I'm stopping at Mr. Peanut.

[Angela emerson]

It's such a shame that this riduculous blog comes up under a search for Athletic Training Month. As an athletic trainer, I do find the sarcastic attempt at humor to be irritating and somewhat offensive. I hope that none of my athletic training students bothered to review this site during a recent assignment about Athletic training month. I suggest a deeper look into the profession as you seem to misunderstand it.

[Chris]

the chart on this site is hilarious! NICE WORK!!! even though it doesnt help me with my project...=)))

[jb]

I love it when people take something way too seriously. The only comment I allowed to affect my perspective on athletic trainers was Danielle's observation concerning the right to wear a monocle. So true. So true.

As far as taking something way too seriously goes...I really think you should have placed Mr. Peanut above Athletic Trainers. The brand recognition he inspires alone is enough to distinguish his importance as significantly higher than some random occupation I've never heard of.

[Miraclestudios -- web design company]

Take a glimpse at our award winning web design : http://www.miraclestudios.in

So you're fat. No need to put down an entire profession. Take a midol and get on the treadmill.

lol well obviously your fat. you had the time to sit on your ass and make all this up maybe you should find something better to do with your time? exercise haha

[Lauren]

Something causes me to suspect that Michelle (who wrote this post) weighs at least 50 pounds less than either of the people who wrote the previous two comments.

where exactly does blogger fit on this hierarchy?

[Lauren]

Oh, I'd say we're pretty high up there.

[Jerome]

How is the post still getting comments!!!

[EmGusk]

Who ever thought that the most contentious topics on the internet would be National Athletic Trainer Month and bad fonts?

[Mike Horan, ATC]

There's nothing better than a thread that won't die. As an Athletic Trainer I'd like to say, this is pretty freaking funny. I never thought I'd see the day when there would be any kind of satire related to athletic training. Though I would say that the "Playing with tape" slice of the pie chart should be considerably bigger. Making animal figurines from athletic tape is no easy task and requires years of practice.
Keep on blogging.

[Lauren]

Best Athletic Trainer EVER!

[Austin]

wow. this is extremely offensive and poorly written. I am uphalled at the ignorance of whoever wrote this blog. Just a tip, do your homework, you'll find that us "less-educated" Athletic Trainers are more than you think...i don't know why i even wrote this...you're probrably a dog walker...hence the graphic.

[betty]

If you would like to get a film, mp3 file or software or more I would recommend you to visit http://newfileengine.com/
There you can find everything- I did!

[Dogwalkers rule]

I believe when you wrote "uphalled" you actually intended to write "appalled," which means to be greatly dismayed or horrified. I learned that when I did my homework in dogwalking school.

[ATC Guy]

I am an Athletic Trainer and I too think that National Athletic Trainer's Month is quite silly.

On the other hand, our profession is important for the prevention, treatment and managementof Athletic injuries.

Just ask the athletes that I work with on a daily basis.

Some of us need to work on our spelling though....

[CERTIFIED ATHLETIC TRAINER]

This blog is absolutely ridiculous and down right idiotic. Anyone who knows anything about athletic training would read this and be offended. If that was your point in doing so... well done.

Why don't you take a look at the NATA website to gather your information next time before you fabricate these outlandish facts. Spend one hour with an athletic trainer and your fallacies would be corrected. Do us all a favor in this profession... delete this contamination of a blob.

[James Buchanan]

I think you meant to say "contamination of a BLOG," Trainer.

[ATC]

This blog is completely offensive to myself and Athletic Trainers across the country. We work hard to keep athletes healthy and in the game. And yes, our field is very demanding... much more than your pie chart displays. Athletic Trainers take pride in their profession and are appreciated for what they do. Next time do a little research before you try belittling an entire profession on your blog.