Also, I Deserve No Credit for The Graphics in This Post, They Are Michelle's Own Divine Creation

Today I am pleased to present the first installment out of at least three and maybe five of a feature in which Michelle helps us cover somre remaining March topics.  For example, today she addresses National Athletic Trainer Month.  All of the posts in this feature also conclude with a special poem written in honor of National Poetry Month, which actually might be April but I think we can all agree we're close enough.  Anyway, here we go:

I was very excited to educate the LMNOP readership about Athletic Trainers Month, as I thought that this month was dedicated to personal trainers. I figured that personal trainers deserved their own month as many seem to be ex-college athletes with no hope of a professional career, which may or may not make them as qualified as peanuts or water to tell you what to do at the gym. Then a personal trainer at my gym told me I was fat, and that's pretty much when I was about to give up on this post altogether.  Luckily, through my research [If I thought you cared enough to check out the facts, I'd refer you to the NATA website to learn more about athletic training. Since I doubt your commitment to this celebration, I'm hoping you'll just take my word as the gospel truth.], I learned that personal training is a completely different profession than athletic training, with athletic trainers being infinitely better than personal trainers.

Athletic trainers, much like Gatorade, began their rich and storied history on college campuses, then then spread their sugary, sweat-replenishing goodness throughout the entire nation.  They are essentially a poor-man's/college athlete's, less-educated physical therapist. Their days are split between the following important activities: wholeheartedly supporting the team (this may involve face and/or chest painting); playing with medical tape (specifically, making animal figurines); "assisting the athletic director as needed" (this probably includes dodging unwanted sexual advances, maybe also some xeroxing); celebrating Athletic Trainers month (sending e-greeting cards, making posters); and estimating the severity of a sports-injury by comparing said injury to a fruit or ball ("That bruise is the size of a grapefruit!").

Notice that not even one minute of this day is spent calling me fat; truly, these people are heroes.  In honor of these Athletic Trainers--dare I say Gods--I humbly submit this Cinquain. (In case you do not teach English for a living/do not enjoy elementary school poetry, a cinquain is a five line poem which follows a 2-4-6-8-2 syllabic pattern. I ignored the two syllable rule for the first line as "athletic" contains a disappointing number of syllables.)

 

Athletic trainers

Are certified.

They can splint your finger.

They're quite good at ankle-taping.

Helpful!

Comments

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[The ATC]

I am an ATC and I am really offended by this. You have no idea how hard we work and the time and effort we put into our education. Our hours and work environment may not always be the best, but we do our job not only because we are good at it but because we love it. We are eons ahead of personal trainers and, while similar to physical therapists, we share a different skill set in several areas.

You are completely ignorant to our profession.

[Lance]

This blog is way out of line. I have worked my whole life to properly represent my profession and to promote good health and wellness, and then I find something like this. You have offended one-eyed doctors everywhere and I hope you're happy. hmph...

[Lauren]

hahaha, Lance FTW

[ANikki]

You are obviously a dumb@$$ for writing this blog...I mean who decides that when they get bored they are going to talk about a profession that helps athletes and physically active people??? OBVIOUSLY A FAT@$$!

[DPT]

Hey Fatty, stop blogging about your ignorance.

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[Adam]

These athletic trainers should voice their opposition to Michelle's gravely offensive representation of their highly esteemed profession by paying to send her to a hamster prison in France.

[Athletic Trainer]

You are pathetic for even writing something like this. A sports medicine team includes Athletic trainers, doctors, physical therapists, personal trainers, coaches, and a variety of other VERY educated individuals. All of our knowledge overlaps in areas but we work together to better the lives of physically active people. We know more about the make up of the body than any average Joe. We are no less educated than other professions- we are educated in a different realm- that is all. So get you facts right before you start to make sarcastic and hurtful comments on a blog. Seriously- get a life.