America's Most Fonted: The 7 Worst Fonts

Ugly fonts, cutesy fonts, unreadable fonts, bad fonts . . . they have terrorized us for far too long, infiltrating our homes via e-mail, IM, and low-rent ValPak ads. Here, LMNOP presents the seven worst fonts--and the people who use them.

1. Comic Sans MS
This is indeed the AOL of fonts; the very accessibility that made it popular and novel in the 1990s became its downfall.  These days, just like an e-mail from an "@ aol.com" address has a distinct lack of credibility, an e-mail written in this font makes the sender seem ridiculous and out of touch. 
Common abusers: Clueless execs who think it makes their e-mail signature seem fun (because nothing bridges the six-figure salary gap between boss and worker bee like a good typeface); kids who identify with its kiddie-ness and thus apply it to their IMs, e-mails, and even school papers; homemade advertisements for DAYCARE PROVIDER'S or PARTY PLANNER'S (Comic Sans people tend to be apostrophe abusers as well)
Probable famous user: Elizabeth Hasselbeck

2. Bradley Hand ITC
Who is Bradley, and why hath his hand wrought such abuse?  This is one of many script fonts that are supposed to approximate a cursive-y, handwritten look and have lost their charm after years of abuse at the hands of adolescent females.
Common abusers: Sorority girls.  Sorry to any sensible sisters out there who know how to use fonts properly, but you have to admit that Bradley Hand ITC makes its way into far too many college girls' IM profiles, and a good chunk of them are of the Greek persuasion.  In fact, if I had a dollar for every time I have seen a Dave Matthews/John Mayer lyric wistfully inserted into a profile (just below the "Alpha Delta Whatever, love my big," etc., and above the cut-and-pasted Windings heart/flower offset in pink), I would have me some serious dollars.
Probable famous user: Lauren Conrad from the O.C.
See also: Lucida Handwriting

3. Curlz MT
Curlz MT picks up where Comic Sans left off in terms of forced casualness and raises you a big sack of illegibility.  Even before this font was so totally overused, it was really only good in small doses.  Anyone who uses this font today for e-mail or IM is just totally nuts, because you are basically saying that the actual content and readability of your e-mail is secondary to the real message you want to get across, i.e., "LOOK AT ME!  AREN'T I WHIMSICAL?  DON'T YOU LOVE HOW EVEN A BORING E-MAIL ABOUT CARPOOLING TO SOCCER PRACTICE CAN BE MADE FUN AND FANCIFUL WHEN YOU PUT CURLY SERIFS ON THE WORDS?"  Curlz MT is not a font; it's a cry for help.
Common abusers: Middle-aged ex-cheerleaders trying to hold on to the magic of the good old days; women who have woken up at the age of 40 and realized they never did the fun things they wanted to do
Probable famous user: Britney Spears
See also: Gigi

4. Papyrus
Papyrus is all over the place; I've seen it in the IM profiles of many kinds of people, usually guys.  I think the goal with Papyrus is to look kind of scholarly, but let's be honest: you're not using AIM to network with other Nobel winners. 
Common abusers: College-aged guys who want a font that's not boring but also not, you know, all gay and cursive and shit.
Probable famous user: Brad Pitt

5. Vivaldi
Why do people get so carried away with fonts that mimic real handwriting? It drives me insane when people use really heavy script fonts to add a "personal touch" to their e-mail signatures--like, "Look!  It's like I really signed it!  Even though it's on a computer!"  Hey, wow.  You're pretty clever. 
Common abusers: Old people; people who think they are classy.
Probable famous user: Martha Stewart
See also: French Script MT

6. Kristen ITC
This is another "fun" font like Comic Sans or Curlz, but it of course has its own unique twist on things.  Kristen ITC fans are usually elementary school teachers, childcare professionals, and other people with kid-centric jobs.  These people love to employ quotes like, "We don't stop playing because we grow old--we grow old because we stop playing," and they really like to use a font that serves as a constant reminder that THEY HAVE NOT STOPPED PLAYING, DAMMIT!  DON'T YOU SEE HOW PLAYFUL THESE LETTERS LOOK?  YOU ARE TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO IS YOUNG INSIDE!
Common abusers: The same people who buy adult-sized jean jumpers
Probable famous user: Jessica Simpson

7. Viner Hand ITC
Don't ask me why, but  Viner Hand seems to have become the go-to font for angsty pre-teens and would-be goths.  Well, I hate to be the one to break it to the Linkin Park fan contingent, but calligraphy is to angst what scones are to rave parties. 
Common abusers: Eighth graders writing poems about how nobody understands them
Probable famous user: Fred Durst

Any others you want to add to the list?

UPDATE 10/12: Many thanks to the commenter who pointed out that I had mixed up "Bradley Hand" and "Viner Hand" in my America's Most Fonted graphic.  It has now been fixed to showcase the appropriate ugly 'Hand' font.

Comments

[Katie]

When I saw the adult sized jean jumper thing, i automatically thought mrs frazier in my 7th grade pre algebra class

[Geoff Wozniak]

The yearly progress report form that is sent to me by my department is done in Comic Sans MS. I once put a note on it under the "any other comments" section that said something to the effect of, "Comic Sans MS makes this look entirely unprofessional". The form hasn't been changed, but at least I said something.

The tragedy continues...

[Lauren McMahon]

Katie: Hahaha she so rocked the jean jumper

Geoff: That comment pretty much makes you my personal hero. I'll have to check out your site.

[C]

This is one of the stupidest pages I have seen on the Internet. You don't like a couple of fonts? Big deal. The stereotypical way you go about bashing them is really quite terrible, and false in much the same way the sentence "I got bitten by a dog once, all dogs are terrible and should be put down." is false. Do you know anybody that actually uses these font in the manner that you actually state? This doesn't even come off as slightly amusing, but as really quite lame.

[Rasmus]

Comic Sans should be permanently banned. Everywhere. I quite enjoyed the list and found myself nodding in agreement all the way through. Funny stuff.

[Devin Ben-Hur]

As someone whose core text is rendered at { font-size: small } (what, you own stock in reading glass manufactures?) and whose web page style sheets are denominated in pixels (as if you could assume the size and dot density of my screen), you've got a lot of gumption criticizing anyone else's design choices.

[Lauren McMahon]

Who let the athletic trainers in?

[Bob]

What? How can Brush Script not make this list?

[WahooRob]

Wow. Finally a website that deals with the REALLY pertinent issues of the day.

[brian kusler]

hilarious!! i took a business card job from a client who INSISTED i do his cards in Vivaldi ALL CAPS. no joke. i told him that italics look horrible in all caps but he wasn't having any of it. i think he was also the guy who used "font" as a verb -- as in, "can you font those letters up?"

anyway, he of course refused the cards as illegible when they were done, as i knew he would. which is why i'd insisted he pre-pay for them when he ordered :P

[Alex]

Major omission. CarolesChunk, available here:

http://www.newfonts.net/index.php?pa=show_font&id=50

Each glyph is a different depiction of the act of vomiting.

It's great for menus, programs, invitations, and the like.

[Chirs]

Visit bancomicsans.com if you haven't already to join the Fight Against the Font with cool stickers and other swag.

[Matthew]

One font usage strikes me as the weirdest EVER. I work in a psychology lab, and we do experiments with human subjects. We have to explain our experiments in laborious detail to the Institutional Review Board (IRB), a group whose only job is to ensure that experiments are safe, legal and ethical. Serious, right? Except their entire website is done in Comic Sans. My head asplode everytime I have to log in.

[Lauren McMahon]

Hahaha, these are such great examples

[JimC]

<span style="font-face: courier;" >You all suck. Don't shoot the messenger. </rant>

[Todd]

What about Times New Roman? I'm so sick of the default font!

[Penguin Pete]

OK, I'll shoot:

Another reason to hate these is that they're all Microsoft-only fonts. (and if they've been ported, I don't care. Even if they were licensed off-platform, every time you see one of these, think Windows XP on AOL. You'll never be wrong.)

Fontagraphy is for those who lack the ability to create real art.

[Formulaic]

So... apart from being used too much by clueless people, why exactly are these fonts the worst?

[ern]

This is hilarious.
In defense of the actual fonts...they are well designed. The ubiquity of them via bundling has led to their unfortunate misuse/abuse/overuse/etc.

In the image at the top of the article you have mixed up Bradley Font and Viner Hand (or you have done so in the font examples)

[Dan]

I think it should be a worldwide contest to spot the most inappropriate use of Comic Sans... I've seen it on a funeral home window flier for bereavement counselling!

[LKM]

Where's Arial?

[Lemon]

To the people complaining about this article - get a life you losers. If you don't like it don't read it, no-one's forcing you.

I personally thought it was quality, they should make Comic Sans illegal.

[Olly]

What about Sand? A font that looks like it was shat into existence. Seriously - it looks like poo.