Confusion, Thy Name is Cool Whip

Cool Whip has me genuinely confused right now.  As far as I can tell, there is no significant need to have regular, 'Lite,' and 'Free' versions.

I recently purchased all three when they were on sale at Giant because I wanted to figure out which version tastes better; I was surprised to discover, though, that not only do they all taste pretty much exactly alike, but also that they are virtually indistinguishable nutrition-wise as well! (Click pictures to enlarge.)

Here's the basic nutritional info for both products.  I've put it into table and graph form because, you know, you can never spend too much time analyzing Cool Whip.

Can you see the need for all three of these products to exist?  The fact that they all have about the same amount of carbs/sugar makes it impossible to argue that one of the diet versions is preferential for Atkins people and the other is better for low-fat people, and the differences in calories and fat are not really staggering.

I mean, I guess you could argue that Free has 40% fewer calories than regular and that's technically a significant percentage, but in my opinion you'd just be manipulating statistics.  We're talking about 10 calories here.  That's not a lot.  You'd have to be eating, like, three tubs of Cool Whip per day for this to be making any significant impact on your life.

Who should stay, then, and who should go?  I'm not gonna play God here--that's for someone else to decide.  (You, of course.  In the comments.)

UPDATE (8:20 p.m.): Went grocery shopping today and saw that Cool Whip Extra Creamy also exists.  25 calories, 2g of fat. Good God.

Comments

[Back to the Future]

Marty: Alright, gimme a Pepsi Free. Carruthers: If you want a Pepsi pal, you're gonna pay for it.

[doug]

So this means you're back at work, then?

[KELLYq]

dude, you totally watched that on bravo this weekend. i know cause i did too.

what'd you do, jump ship?

[EmGusk]

I am so much cooler than both of you. I watched all three on Bravo last week.

[anne]

Sometimes you need the full Cool Whip because the Lite doesn't mix tastily with some powders I got. Lite's great on ice cream or strawberries, though. And isn't it good to know that intelligent, thoughtful people have time to think about and exeriment with Cool Whip??! (Now, how about Turkey Spam??)

[countryneal]

cool whip light..sorry, "lite" (less letters=less calories?) is totally not pulling it's weight. you either need regular ol' CW or CW free. there is no need for lite.. of course, if you are really watching your weight, DON'T EAT COOL WHIP AT ALL, FATTY.

[Lauren]

Yeah, I think Lite is the problem. Classic example of a useless middle man.

[Janet]

Thank you for this analysis. Now I won't feel so bad about heaping spoonfuls of (regular) Cool-Whip on my pie.