Resolved:

• If all fruits came to life we would consistently find bananas to have the nicest personalities and best sense of humor.
• Birds are way worse than bugs.
• Horses no longer serve a practical purpose on Earth.
• People with hyphenated last names are generally more annoying than the rest of the population.
• It is really annoying to say your favorite flavor of most foods/drinks is a color like "Red" or "Blue" instead of the actual flavor it represents, but the one true, notable exception to the rule is Gatorade.  It is perfectly acceptable and even encouraged to identify your favorite "flavor" of Gatorade by color.
• It is perfectly correct to say you "heard lightning."
• It doesn't make any sense that the first American colonial settlers were adventurous enough to travel across the ocean and risk death by disease or the natives and yet were not adventurous enough to go out on a limb and find cooler ways to name places than just sticking "New" in front of the name of a place in England.
• No matter how old they are, every human being's immediate reaction upon seeing a playground is, "I want to go play;" even if they dismiss that idea less than a nanosecond later, it was there.
• The American name that sounds most like it should be short for something, but isn't, is "Craig."

It is fine to put your counterpoints or disagreements in the comments section, but I reserve the right to completely dismantle them in an upcoming post.

Alternately, if anyone would like to engage in a formal debate on one of these issues for a future post, let me know.

Comments

[KELLYq]

agree with all except the thing about birds. I think you are all about this because you hate the birds who wake you up, but bugs are scarier than birds.

however, if a bird was in my house, i'd be terrified, so I see your point.

what about the name Todd?

[D.C.]

I believe the peach would have a better personality, because after a while, the banana's antics would leave it looking like an asshole, whereas the peach would be nicest girl you ever met.

[Jerome]

Good point about the name Todd. Though I may want to name my kid Toddington. Or Toddingham. Or Toddelzzz.

Not really.

Anyway, this reminds me of Creedthoughts.

[The Mayor]

Birds are only terrifying because they move like tiny dinosaurs, which is only true because computer animators model dinosaur movements on birds. It's a vicious cycle. Also, I think that Craig is short for (or should be short for) Craiggleston.

[shallon]

I disagree--horses are very neccessary for young girls as they give us something to obsess over rather than boys (like Joe Claytor who was sooooo dreamy in the jog-a-thon but wtf, WHY is he going out with stupid Jenny Kucera? she's going to get fat like her mom and she got a D in Social Studies) and fuel many trashy romance novels. Otherwise romance novelists would have to make the naughty pirate man ride a goat or ostrich and that's not as sexy. Almost, but not quite.

[cassie]

what about skittles? i feel like it's ok to say you like the green skittles best as opposed to lime.