I am in the process of planning a baby shower for my
eight-months-pregnant older sister Kelly. The baby shower I am hosting
will also be the first baby shower I've ever attended, so naturally I'm
doing a lot of preparation and research--and by "preparation and
research," I mean I am intrepidly making my way through the great,
sugary clump of Comic-Sans-heavy sites on the Internet that claim to
make planning a baby shower a fun and enjoyable activity. I'm
beginning to understand how this works.
For example, it is my understanding that apparently, nothing celebrates impending birth like visual metaphors and uninspired puns.
about every single available baby shower theme, favor, or decoration on
the Internet involves some sort of cutesy reference to peas in pods or
other crap. You can give out "Mommy to Bee" honey, for example, or
candles shaped like cinnamon buns fresh out of the oven.
I haven't been able to find a set of miniature doors with "Knocked Up"
stenciled on them, which I think would be tasteful. Maybe I can make
little bundles of corn seeds and tie them with a ribbon that says
"About to Pop."
Most baby shower websites include playing a bunch of wacky, baby-themed games, like this one:
participant take a bottle filled with a liquid and suck the bottle as a baby would. The
woman who drinks the most in an alloted time wins the baby shower gift. This baby shower
game gets everyone laughing!
I'm sure this game would get
everyone laughing--at me. As in, "Ha, ha. If you think I am going to
do this, you are insane." Maybe the women I know are different from
those in other regions of the country, but I cannot picture a single
one of them voluntarily drinking out of a bottle in an attempt to win a
Another one of our favorite baby shower games
is the baby shower version of Pin The Tail on the Donkey. Blindfold
each participant and then give them a paper baby to then approach the
mom and place the baby as close to the tummy as possible. The one who
gets closest to placing the paper baby on the pregnant tummy wins.
How hard is it to find someone's stomach, especially when it has become
expanded enough to accommodate an almost-fully-formed baby human?!?!
Also, what's in it for the pregnant lady? Sorry, but I doubt my sister
is game for standing around and getting poked repeatedly in the
Yet another game (Guess
the Gerber's!) involves blindfolding people and feeding them baby food,
then having them guess what they are eating.
What is the
obsession with eating and drinking like a baby?!
That's like saying the best way to prepare for getting a dog is to eat
dog food, or the best way to buy a car is to first drink a quart of
This game is one
of the funniest and most popular baby shower games. Have the baby shower
host or appointed person moderately melt 5-10 different candy bars
separately, placing each one in a diaper to be viewed by everyone. Mark
each diaper as A, B, C, D, etc. Have everyone guess which candy is in
each of the diapers. Make sure to use some candies that have nuts,
toffee, caramel, etc. You are sure to get great laughs!
Let's not forget Diaper E, in which I will place the remains of my brain, which just exploded.
I should be clear and say that I actually do not hate the task of
planning this baby shower at all; I'm glad to do it. However, I'm
going to do it in a way that doesn't involve fake poop.