Disney-Inspired, Yet Somehow Not Mockery-Inspiring

What if I were to tell you that there is a Disney Bridal line of wedding gowns (as in, for full-grown, adult women to wear at their actual weddings to full-grown, adult men) inspired by Disney Princesses like Ariel, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, etc.?

Don't even bother answering that, because I know your response: a great big Disney-inspired eye roll.  That is the correct reaction, but you might be surprised to see why.

See, yesterday I saw this Jezebel post about said Disney Bridal collection, and by the time I was done reading the first paragraph, I was practically salivating.  I could not WAIT to click through and see all the dresses, which I assumed would be ridiculous, campy, and tacky.  I was already envisioning the awesome blog post I could write mocking them all. Jokes were popping into my head; I was already deciding whether "Hey Ariel, good luck getting your mother-in-law to wear the Ursula dress!" was a better line than "Hey, Cinderella, good luck getting your bridesmaids to wear those ugly stepsister costumes!"  In short, life was good.  I had a potential blog post in the bag. 

And then I saw the dresses. 

Yeah, they're stupid, but for reasons completely opposite of what you'd expect.  Mainly, the problem is that they are extremely subtle--like, so subtle that you can't see the Disney reference in them at all.

The dresses are simply not tacky enough--not enough to be worn by a dumb princess wannabe, and certainly not enough to make fun of in a hilarious, snarky blog post.  Check the Ariel designs, for example:

What's "mermaid" about these, again?  I see no seashell bras.  I see no scalloped lace designed to mimic fish scales. All I see are three basic white wedding dresses!  What about these generic garments is supposed to justify the Disney association (and accompanying Disney price point)?!  They are way too understated for the kind of person who would want to have a Disney-themed wedding.

Here are a few of the other designs:

(check out the rest at the designer's website)

Each bridal gown also has accompanying "Maiden" (translation: bridesmaid) and "Princess Blossom" (translation: Flower Girl) designs to go with it.  They are similarly underwhelming.

Now I like Disney as much as the next person (probably more), but I consider the Disney Bridal collection a failure.  It's too boring for crazy people, too strange in concept for normal people, and--worst of all--it has no snark-generating value whatsoever.  Not a happy ending.

Comments

[Benjamin]

Bridesmaids and mothers are breathing a collective sigh of relief today knowing that they won't have to talk their friends and daughters out of walking down the aisle in seashells.

[Jerome]

So . . . this is going to be awkward when you see Ashley's dress. She has attached seven dwarfs to the back of it . . .

[EmGusk]

is it bad that i already knew about this and know that jasmine is the most popular design? yeah. it's bad. i'm buying enchanted later today...

[Matt Brown]

Problem 1: A severe lack of Technicolor ®.
Problem 2: I'm actual writing about these.

[friend of emgusk]

I also already knew this. I also thing most of them are very pretty and acceptable. But no, I did not wear any of them. ::tear::

I wish the Cinderella dress was golden and shiny, and sparkled when the wearer walks.

[meg']

yeah, i can't picture mice and birds making any of those dresses.

[EmGusk]

maybe that's the secret, that they were all made by mice and birds in cambodia...or by small children.

[Kate]

They are extremely bland for Disney, which has to be over the top all the time. If they were smarter, they would have offered replicas of the heroine dresses, since "theme weddings" are so in. And I always really liked the Belle gown anyway. Heck, I'd buy it for wearing to my next black tie event... if I ever go to one, that is.