There is a certain poetry to the way junk e-mail subject lines are written, so today I decided to scan my Spam folder for subjects containing five or seven syllables. The following haikus were created from those lines, which I neither edited nor rearranged. The lines were placed into the haikus in the exact order I found them*, and the resulting bits of profundity have made me think that perhaps there is some sort of sacred geometry behind all of this spam.
Spamku #1:
Jumpstart your love-life
The ultimate New Year gift
Replica watches
Spamku #2:
Can't find you, darling
Lets meet as usually
Time is Running out
Spamku #3:
We need you here, now!
I'm in trouble, where are you?
Let me share with you
Spamku #4:
We need your presence
Selection of honorees
Women like big ones
Spamku #5:
Your account was blocked!
Performance Package for Men
Your account was blocked!
Spamku #6:
Cash in with Google
Is debt written on your face?
real hero in bed!
Spamku #7:
Unbelievable!
Replica watches, bags, pens
U can be healthy!
Make some Spamku of your own in the comments, por favor. Or a Spamrick (Spams that rhyme in an AABA pattern). Or ISpambic Pentameter. Or a Spamquain. Or a SPonnet. Be creative. That's what I pay* you for.
*Or
I guess I should say, to clarify, that the fives and sevens are in the
exact respective orders I found in them in. Like, sometimes when I
needed a five to finish a poem, the next qualifying line was a seven,
so I would take that seven as a placeholder for the next haiku and keep
looking for a five to finish the previous one, if that makes sense.
**Restrictions apply. To everyone.
Ha ha, cool :D
Here's mine:
Greater Joys For U
Sexual enhancement right now!
LIMITED OFFER!
Posted by: Corianne | Jan 02, 2009 at 10:46 AM
Yo POST MORE
Posted by: James Buchanan | Jan 04, 2009 at 10:38 AM
Anything for the WORST PRESIDENT EVER
Posted by: Lauren | Jan 04, 2009 at 11:20 PM
Such a great idea. Here are mine.
Stop snoring tonight
Never be flaccid again
New MBA for you!
So deep and so hard
Six inches can't pleasure her
Britney loves it huge
She moaned in delight
Bring her to seventh heaven
It's all about size
Upsize your manhood
Bigger, meaner, and rock hard
Here is my number
Catch me taxi, please
It's cold, don't keep me waiting
Undeliverable message
Posted by: Whitney G | Jan 09, 2009 at 02:31 AM
Can I just comment that "never be flaccid again" isn't exactly a selling point . . .
Posted by: Jerome | Jan 09, 2009 at 02:53 PM