There are very few non-controversial beliefs in this world, but one particular truth that meets the distinction is the fact that fanny packs are freaking atrocious. Sure, there are about 84 people remaining out of Earth's 6+ billion people who still wear them, but that's about as small a minority as you can get on a planet the size of ours. There are more people than that who still believe the Earth is flat.
So yes, fanny packs are near-universally regarded as ugly. But even so, you have to admit: they are at least practical. In theory, it is convenient in some situations to have your belongings safely zippered away and within easy reach while leaving your hands and arms free to dance at the New Kids on the Block concert. Aesthetic concerns aside, it does sort of make sense. However, you know what is not practical?
The Cap-sac.
The
Cap-sac is a new product that is essentially a fanny pack for the
head. It consists of a hideous neon hat with a zippered pocket, which
allows the wearer to achieve the coveted dual purpose of looking like a
moron while holding about three ounces of stuff.
Seriously--what the hell can you actually hold in one of these things? A dollar bill? A fun size candy bar? A piece of paper that says "I am a stupid person?" I can't think of anything you could put in the Cap-sac that wouldn't also fit--and be safer--in your pocket. The Cap-sac is defenseless against such threats as strong breezes, roller coasters, and monkeys who have been trained to steal hats; furthermore, as i have mentioned, it is ugly. Even a cell phone would weigh the thing down to the point where it would be constantly falling over your eyes, and anything heavier than a phone would probably cause long-term neck problems.
I don't ask for a lot of favors here, but I am asking you all to not buy these hideous hats. And that should reallllly not be a hard request to fulfill.
Seriously--what the hell can you actually hold in one of these things?
A funny saying?
Posted by: @mathewbrown | Jul 13, 2009 at 07:33 PM
hahaha I saw this on the internet and thought "hmm, I should send this to Lauren." Then I thought, "dude, I send Lauren sooo much stuff, I'll let this one pass."
Clearly I am a mind reader.
Posted by: EmGusk | Jul 13, 2009 at 08:05 PM
1.) It's mostly just funny to me that this is a new product because . . . well, when you saw that item, didn't a little piece of you think, "It is entirely possible that I owned that in 1989"?
2.) EmGusk, perhaps you should become an ESP Tutor.
Posted by: Tori | Jul 14, 2009 at 11:04 AM
haha @ tori! I clicked that link after I commented. Crazy.
Posted by: EmGusk | Jul 14, 2009 at 11:30 AM