Minor League baseball teams have some ridiculous names. This is clearly a tactic designed to humiliate the players and make them want to practice really hard so they will get promoted to a major league team with a more normal name. Or maybe it's not. I don't really care. I am giving them awards anyway.
Team with the Least Understanding of How Plural Nouns Work: The Buffalo Bisons
I'm pretty sure "bison" is already the plural form of "buffalo," so
what does adding an 's' to an already-plural word do? I guess it makes
it a baseball team. Or a baseballs teams. Even more confusingly, the
Bisons's's's' (I'm pretty sure that is grammatically correct in this
situation) logo features just ONE buffalo. To have even a prayer of
being accurate, it should probably feature multiple herds of them. Team That Sounds Most Like a Band Name: The Jupiter Hammerheads
Probably not a good
band, though.Vacuum Cleaner-iest: The Tri-City Dust Devils
Contrary to what you would think, the Tri-City Dust Devils' mascot is
not a vacuum; it's a weird cyclone thing with devil horns. This is a
missed opportunity, if you asked me. Tornadoes are hateable,
unpredictable spells of nature at its worst; vacuums are sleek, fearful
things that kill dust and scare dogs. Clearly a wiser choice to model
Team That Probably Sells the Most Merchandise to College Boys: The Modesto Nuts
This is what a Modesto Nuts jersey looks like:
How many 21-year-old guys do you know that would NOT want that??
Team That Sounds Most Like Something You Would Order at an IHOP: The Montgomery Biscuits
BISCUITS? This is possibly the best team name ever. (Of course, I
named my dog Pancake, so my bias for breakfast names is clearly
Most Likely to Have Outsourced Its Mascot-Naming Duties to a Seven-Year-Old on Acid: The Fort Wayne Tin Caps
Just hearing the team name of "Tin Caps," what would you picture their
mascot as being?? The rusty top of an can, maybe? Or a baseball hat
made out of tin? Did the words "AN APPLE WEARING A FREAKING POT ON ITS
HEAD" happen to cross your mind? No? Maybe because you are not a
small child on big drugs.
Biggest NERRRRRRRRRDS: The Albuquerque Isotopes
Their mascot is a giant, plush electron. That should say it all.
Team That Probably Gets the Most Free Pool Shoes: The Everett AquaSox
know what is a good thing to name a baseball team after? Dorky shoes
that fill up with water and make your feet really heavy.