Teen Choice Awards Fashion Recap

The Teen Choice Awards were earlier this week, but it has taken me several days to get an appropriate fashion recap together.  This is probably because I am old.

Lil' Mama

While 90% of American teens are overdoing it with the whole emo trend, Lil' Mama has decided to instead overdo it with the lesser-known emu trend.  What a difference a vowel makes.

Drake Bell

I have never heard of this Drake Bell person before.  This means that literally EVERYTHING I know about him is that (1) he exists; and (2) he owns flowered velvet flare pants.  So, I would say that Drake Bell and I are not off to a good start.

Jordana Brewster

I am not entirely sure why Jordana Brewster was at this event.  I am entirely sure that her dress looks like a full-body sports bra.

Kristen Stewart

I would make fun of this look, but it actually incorporates two of my favorite trends: frowning, and metal shark teeth.

Rumer Willis

So, I have this style rule.  It's actually pretty simple: a good dress should not remind anyone of the phrase "massive dandruff."  This dress breaks that rule.

These guys

So . . . these guys just look like a bunch of dweebs.

Vanessa Hudgens

I don't know why, but I can't shake the feeling that the bottom half of this dress would look better as a hat.  On a monkey.