It's time for another installment of Let's Read an Article Together. Today's article comes from Newslite, a British site whose tagline is "it barely qualifies as news." I beg to disagree, because this is one of the most important stories I have read in 2010.
The article begins below. As with the first installment of this feature, my comments are in blue italics.
Abandoned orang-utan goes on first-class cruise
An abandoned baby orang-utan has made his way to new home -- by travelling as a first class passenger on cruise ferry.
WTF. Is this how British people spell 'orangutan?' And what is a 'cruise ferry?' Does that just mean cruise sh---OMG, A PICTURE OF A BABY ORANGUTAN HOLDING A BOTTLE SITTING ON A BOAT, OMG OMG OMG
No, British website photo captioner, I have not. Also, "Credit: Monkey World" is the only photo credit I hope to ever see ever again in any story about anything.
11-month-old Silvestre was rejected by his mother at Santillana Zoo in Spain and as a result was being taken to Monkey World sanctuary in Dorset.
Silvestre's mother is awful and I hope she has terrible karma and never gets to go anywhere cool like Monkey World, or have any Disney movies made about her life, unless she is the villain and Silvestre is the star and I could go see it in a theatRE, which is how I am spelling it in case Sylvestre is reading.
But because he had to be kept close to his keeper, special permission was given from the British authorities for him to travel on board a ferry.
Glad the British authorities are keeping busy these days.
As a result, Silvestre had his own four-bed cabin for the journeyand spent most of the time swinging from the ladders and bunks.
Sorry, Emily, but this is what we should have done on our cruise.
With that sort of behaviour he should fit in perfectly on a EasyCruise holiday.
There will never be another picture as good as this picture.
A spokesperson for Monkey World (please let that be my job title some day, please let that be my job title someday) said: "Now at Monkey World, Silvestre is meeting his new adopted family. His new family are all Bornean orang-utans (Pongo pygmaeus), a different species to him, but their behaviour is very similar.
I'm sure Sylvestre noticed.
"Silvestre will grow up with his adopted family at Monkey World learning all the skills and behaviour that he will need to mature into a well adjusted adult male Sumatran orang-utan."
This paragraph is what TV pilots are made of.
Andrea González of Santillana Zoo added, “Santillana Zoo Foundation is involved in the conservation of Sumatran orang-utans and our first goal is the welfare of all our animals, especially Silvestre. He spent his firsts 11 months of life being cared for by our staff and seeing his two sisters, Victoria and Juliana, from time to time. From now on he will live with his new family at Monkey World, which will help him to develop a natural behaviour and a social life as an orang-utan.”
What? We are just ending this there? Does he ever get to see Victoria and Juliana again? On holidays, maybe? Can we rescue them from that awful mother and send them on cruises and make sure everyone has a happy end and--OMG, PICTURE OF A BABY ORANGUTAN IN A DIAPER, WHAT WAS I SAYING? NEVER MIND, IT DOESN'T MATTER.