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Golden Globes 2011 Fashion Recap

The Golden Globes were last night, and they were pretty damn boring. It never ceases to amaze me that if you take a room and fill it with the most entertaining people of the year, all they end up doing is stunning everyone into complete boredom with the most awful acceptance speeches ever.

The fashion wasn't very exciting, either, which is an even greater shame. I did what I could in terms of a recap, but I wish there'd been more to work with.

MICHELLE WILLIAMS

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This dress is ugly, but more than that, it's disappointing. Michelle Williams know how to look cuter than this. Like, talk about a Venn Diagram with no middle:

Empty middle

I'm sure there are other opinions, though. 

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JANUARY JONES

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This fringed boob-showcaser was perhaps the most controversial dress of the night: it was on just as many Best Dressed lists as Worsties. But one thing we can all agree on? January Jones = Hottest. Sea anemone. Ever. 

Jiltedanemone

Sorry, other sea anemone.

JULIANNE MOORE

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I could almost, almost, alllllmost live with a dress that has one of MC Hammer's legs for an arm. But the damn thing is wrinkled. That ruins it.

Tilda Swinton

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After the 2009 Oscars, I described Tilda's style of dressing as "Things That Would Not Shock a Time-Traveling Pilgrim at All." I feel no need to update this assessment. 

HELENA BONHAM CARTER

Helena bonham carter

How I imagine Helena's thought process, in four steps:

  1. I know! I'll wear a red shoe and a green shoe! So wacky.
  2. But . . . crap. How will colorblind people know my outfit is bad?
  3. [Selection of dress, sunglasses, hairstyle ensue.]
  4. Good to go.

But, at the end of the day, is there really any point in putting Helena Bonham Carter on a Worst Dressed list? No. There isn't. She doesn't care. So I say: well played, HBC. Well played.

SANDRA BULLOCK

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Did you know "Sandra Bullock" is an anagram for "Skull and Cobra?" I do now, because I was trying to figure out an anagram that contained the word "Sad" in the hopes that said anagram would help me describe this dress a little better. Because Sandy B is not really working it in this, and she looked way more subdued than usual last night. Unfortunately for my anagram. this has nothing to do with skulls and cobras.

EMMA STONE

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HOLY MONOCHROMATIC DISASTER. To be fair, I think this photographed worse than it actually looked. To be unfair, she looks like a finger.

KATIE JOEL

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True story: I was flipping through red carpet galleries before I went to bed last night, and this dress was one of the last things I saw before I fell asleep. I then had a dream that I was eating candy corn.

ANNETTE BENING:

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Lastly, I like Annette Bening as much as the next person--actually, I probably like her more than the next person does, unless the next person is, like, Warren Beatty--but this made me laugh really hard:

Twitter : @Michael K: Why does Annette Bening lo ..._1295326247992

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