LMNOP

Twitter.com/TitoJWilloughby is Still Available

Not too un-recently, Twitter introduced a Lists feature, which lets you . . . make lists.  I guess that's really the whole explanation to be had.  So anyway, I made a list, and it just may appeal to you if you read this blog between oh, say, February 2007 and January 2008, and happen to remember its onetime companion blog, The Bathtub, which existed during that time.  If that description applies to you (I had Cathy run the numbers, and there is, in fact, a 12 in 7,000,000,000 chance that it does), AND you are on Twitter (now we're down to six in 7,000,000,000), you just may be interested in following this list, which features 10 former Tubtributors.  Some tubbers are not even on Twitter though, like Rory Porkham, who doesn't own a computer and may not even be alive anymore.

This Makes Up for the Time They Beat Me to that Whole Watergate Story

It's not often that this site scoops The Washington Post on anything, but I have to say: yesterday's WaPo article on e-mail closings has nothing on this post and your subsequent comments from over a year ago.  Well played, us.  Maybe at this time next year the major newspapers will be picking up on the hut/shack/shanty/hovel trend.

Pardon My Tumbleweeds

Tomorrow I go on vacation, so please excuse this site as it becomes overrun with tall grass and weeds and cobwebs for next week or so.  I'll be back after the Fourth of July weekend, assuming I do not run away to become a cruise ship performer--which, quite honestly, is a strong possibility.  I have always been intrigued by career paths involving headset microphones.

See ya!

At This Point I am OK with the Fact That My Life's Work is Facilitating the War Between Michelle and the Athletic Trainers

Comments continue to trickle in on this three-year-old post, and in light of the most recent one, Michelle has asked me to post the following addendum to her recent, olive-branch-offering clarification post.  Michelle says:

Maybe because all of the other pieces of hard-hitting journalism I have written for this blog, athletic trainers seem to think that I intended to write an honest description of their profession with my post three years ago. One would think that the graphics alone would tip off most to the fact this is not an informative article, but whatever.  I guess it's a little too much to expect from a group of people who can't handle the pressure of being an EMT, and lack the intelligence to be a doctor.  So then let me spell it out clearly to all athletic trainers, who, given the critical thinking skills they’ve demonstrated in their comments, must be the kind of people who write research papers that reference wikipedia and geocities websites:
GET A LIFE.

I actually did do research before I wrote the post. I went to the NATA website and read about athletic trainers. Yet I still decided to make that pie chart because that would be much more hilarious than actually describing what an athletic trainer does, which, though important, is boring. That’s because, once again, it was intended to be a joke and not at all factual. Only an idiot would read this and think that any part of it is serious. I mean, really: Mr. Peanut and One-eyed Doctor are listed as occupations.

When it comes to jokes, you either think it’s funny or not. It would appear that AT’s think that this post was not funny. It’s been noted, I’ll cry about it later. For now, lay off the comments because you’re doing your profession a bigger disservice through your whining than I ever did when I suggested that you spent a lot of your day playing with tape.

Needless to say, I think the olive branch has been revoked.

Another Plaque on the Wall

When I told my brother this weekend that he had a decent chance of winning the LMNOP Invitational, he had basically forgotten he'd even entered it.  That is the kind of apathy I can truly appreciate, and it is with great pride that I unveil this plaque honoring the newest member of the LMNOP Hall of Fame.

I IMed my brother to congratulate him and ask him if he would like to comment on his victory for my blog.  He said:

(Screen name has been blurred to protect innocent family members from swarms of adoring fans.)

Indeed.  Consider it ran with.

We Have a Winner

The winner of the 4th Annual LMNOP Invitational is . . . .

This person.  My brother.

A ceremonial induction into the Hall of Fame will follow.  Please leave your congratulations in the comments.

(Video originally from this post.)

A Very Special Guest Post

[Note: Just over three years ago, Michelle wrote a guest post for this blog "celebrating" National Athletic Trainer Month.  Since then, that post has accumulated an array of bizarre, frequently grammatically-incorrect comments from disgruntled athletic trainers.  Today, on the last day of National Athletic Trainer Month 2009, Michelle responds.]

Three years ago I helped LMNOP celebrate various professional awareness months with a lot of snark, some godawful poetry, and a very little bit of knowledge. Initially, these posts flew under the radar. It would seem, however, that some very half-assed googling led a few people to read one particular post about athletic trainers.  A slow trickle of athletic training wrath has since spilled forth all over my post. This post was so infuriating, that it was literally required reading for an Oklahoma State University introductory course about athletic trainers.

Over the past 33 months I have been accused of being fat, ignorant and, worst of all, a dog walker.  The average athletic trainer hates me. I assume that this is because they are naturally a miserable lot. However, it’s also possible that my interpretation of their job description (a college athlete’s less-educated physical therapist) was insulting. I also gather that athletic trainers do not enjoy being confused for personal trainers, as I originally made the mistake of doing.

At the urging of several commenters, including the actual professional organization (NATA) that sponsors athletic trainers awareness month, I decided to learn more about these angry, sad people. It turns out that a majority of athletic trainers hold a master’s degree, despite a median salary of only $36,590 in May 2006. This explains a lot.  My low-paying job also requires a degree and it’s made me pretty spiteful. I can easily imagine how "uphalled" I would be if I read some flippant mockery of my job, after a long day of scurrying to the side of every college athlete with a muscle strain. 

Though I can no longer say that an athletic trainer has never called me fat, I would like to extend an olive branch to all of my athletic trainer friends. Behold, two new cinquains! [For you cinquain sticklers, note that I have once again ignored the requirement of holding the first and last lines to only two syllables, because, as should be evident by now I do what I want.]

Athletic trainers
Are sensitive.
Sarcasm will be met
With furious and poorly spelled
insults.

Athletic trainers
work pretty hard
helping injured people
just to be confused with
physical trainers.

Here’s hoping that small press owners never learn how to use the internet, because I don’t think I could handle a multi-front war.

LMNOP Invitational Update: It's Down to Three

A lot of brackets were busted over the past few days, and as of today there are exactly three people left standing in the LMNOP Invitational; only Mason (Mason's Bracket), my brother (Mac Wins Always), and Gorg-o (They Call Me MISTER Gorg-o!) have a chance of winning.  Here is a breakdown of the possible scenarios.

Possible Scenario number 1: UConn wins it all--and so does Gorg-o.
If UConn makes it to the championship against either potential opponent (Villanova or UNC) and wins, then Gorg-o takes the pool. 

Possible scenario number 2: Mason's meal tickets.
Invitational newbie Mason should be hoping for either of two scenarios: a Villanova win over UConn, or a UNC win over UConn.  So basically, if UConn makes it to the final game and loses, Mason emerges victorious.

Possible scenario number 3: Michigan State makes it to the finals.  All hell breaks loose.This is my favorite scenario.  If Michigan St. makes it to the finals, Mason and Mac tie for first--no matter what.  Mich could play Villanova and lose, play Villanova and win, play UNC and lose, or play UNC and win, but in each of those cases we will have a tie between Mac and Mason.  That means the LMNOP Invitational crown will go to whoever came closer to predicting the final score of the championship game.  Could be the most thrilling finish in Invitational history!

Regardless, it looks like Emily is still safe in her status as the sole female winner of the Invitational.

Updates of All Kinds

The LMNOP Invitational leaderboard in the sidebar has been updated to reflect all the action thus far.  My little sister is currently winning, and my mom is tied for third with my other sister.  That makes me the only McMahon woman NOT in the top 10.  That's OK, though, because my brother is doing even worse than I am--27th out of 29.  (And the two behind him are Winnarz, who picked Binghamton to win, and Business Judgement Rule, who forgot to enter his picks.  Sooooo . . . good job, bro.)

I also added a new set to Flickr this weekend, so check it out if you have nothing else on Earth you could be doing at this moment.

I alssooo just updated the site banner.  Can you see it??

Because Nothing Looks Worse Than a Christmas Banner in Mid-January

Changed the site banner today.  Internet Explorer users, you know the drill: can you see it?  Did you start flossing yet?