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Needless to Say, I Recommend Paying for Priority Shipping

You know what your life has been missing?

 

THE COMPLETE SERIES OF FULL HOUSE.  On DVD.  32 discs.  192 episodes. 

IT COMES IN A BOX THAT LOOKS LIKE THEIR HOUSE.

And it is on sale at Amazon.com for a mere $78.99.  That's a huge savings off the regular price of $169.98, which is already a STEAL anyway, if you ask me.  (I routinely spend more than that trying to have my hair guy recreate Uncle Jesse's style for me.)

If you aren't convinced, take some time to read the overwhelmingly popular Amazon.com customer reviews of the DVD set.  Reviewer Clavinbot writes, "This is a great box set for those who haven't been getting the sets individually."  TRUE STORY.  And, as someone named Turtlebutt points out, "It is very family friendly."  People named Turtlebutt know these things!!!

I am just going to stop writing now, because by this sentence you have all clicked on over to Amazon to buy this beauty and are clearly no longer reading this post anyway.

Is Your Person on Around the Horn?

Growing up, I was a big fan of Guess Who, a board game that combined the thrill of deductive reasoning with the even greater thrill of making a clacking sound as you flicked characters' photos down after ruling them out.  It should be noted, of course, that the game is best played against an intellectual equal, because there is really no fun in beating some dumb n00b in two seconds because he or she was stupid enough to pick a female or hat-wearing individual for you to guess.  However, once you figure out who the gifted players in your class are, it is possible to have Guess Who matches rivaling the intensity level of an international chess master showdown.

Every now and then, I will see someone in real life who closely resembles a Guess Who character, and I will get a slightly surreal feeling in response.  For example, this happens every time I see sports journalist Bob Ryan on TV.  The man looks like he jumped off a Guess Who card one day in the '80s and decided to start reporting on sports games.

Anyway, this past weekend I was hanging out with Emily and I saw a guy who looked exactly like a Guess Who character.  I pointed him out to Emily.  Below, the ensuing dialogue:

Emily: It's Alfred!  He looks like Alfred!

Me: Whoa.  That is pretty impressive that you remember the name.

Emily: Of course I do!  He was Anita's dad.

Me: What???  The game had a back story?  How did I miss that?

Emily: Oh no, not officially.  But I made up back stories for all of the characters.  Like, David and Phillip were in a gay relationship, because they had matching beards.

Yeah.  This also led to an IM conversation today in which Emily informed me that, among other things, Alfred and Maria were a husband-wife international spy duo.  (Exact quote from Emily: "but while Maria is very doting, Alfred is kind of distant.") 

Wow.  I challenge you to find me someone who has spent more time alone with a Guess Who board.

Pop Quiz

If you could be anyone from this vintage Capri Sun ad, who would you be and why?

Where Are They Now?

While I was watching an ad for Progressive Auto Insurance last night, something caught my eye.  See if you can figure out what it was.

Well?  Did you notice?

Hint: It has something to do with one of the actresses.  Watch it again. Does the woman playing "Shoe-Loving Prospective Progressive Customer" seem familiar?  Fans of Saved by the Bell might think so, because that's clearly Leanna Creel*, the actress who played Tori.

You know, her:

Almost threw me off with that hair, Tori, but you could never fool me.

I've Had So Many Awesome Theme Songs Running Through My Head Today

Ahem:

Nickelodeon is adding some of its classic 90s and early 2000s programming to the iTunes store.

As part of Nick Rewind, which catalogues its older programming, Nick will sell individual episodes for the standard iTunes price of $1.99 and “best-of” collections and seasons for $8.99-$19.99.

Among the shows available on Nick Rewind on iTunes will be Rugrats, Clarissa Explains It All, Doug, Hey Dude, Rocko’s Modern Life, The Amanda Show, Aaahhh! Real Monsters, Angry Beavers, As Told by Ginger, Rocket Power and The Wild Thornberrys. (source)

Yessssssss.

Signs of the Toypocalypse

Today's NYT included a very interesting (at least, it was interesting to my little born-in-'80s brain) article called "Beloved Characters as Reimagined for the 21st Century."  The best possible summary of it I can give is: LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE.

One of my favorite characters from childhood has been Bratzed.  According to the article, this is because "an unusually large number of classic characters for children are being freshened up and reintroduced as their corporate owners try to cater to parents' nostalgia and children's YouTube-era sensibilities."  Well thanks, but consider my nostalgia officially NOT catered to on this one.  I have no daughters, but I hardly feel like I could bond with one over her hussified version of my innocent childhood doll; in fact, the contrast between the two actually detracts from any sense of connectedness because it makes it so starkly apparent how much the concept of girlhood has changed and warped in the past couple decades.

Am I alone in my outrage here?  Part of me feels dangerously close to those nerds who come out of the woodwork every time a Star Wars re-make or a movie based on some geeky book comes out so they can rant, rant, rant about the injustices done to the original work.  Plus, it's not like all the dolls I had in the '80s and '90s were completely de-sexed and inoffensive (Barbie, anyone?).  I can't really make the argument that dolls have only just recently begun to reflect unrealistic body types and anti-feminist attributes, but I am disturbed nonetheless by the notion--whether true or untrue--that Strawberry Shortcake could not appeal to today's kids without a complete overhaul of her face, hair, and clothes. 

I guess my problem isn't so much that they are doing this to dolls in general, but that they are doing it to my dolls. Obviously it's an affront to my nostalgic sensibilities, but it also implies certain things I don't agree with.  Like, why does Strawberry Shortcake need to be more "today?"  It's not like we were all wearing bloomers and pinafores a la Strawberry in the '80s--her getup was outdated then, too.  Because she was a doll, with a whimsical back story and a gang of fruity friends who lived in a place called Strawberryland and required a little imagination to appreciate.

I'm hoping this trend just goes away, but it looks like it will claim at least one more of my favorite character lines before all is said and done--from the article: "American Greetings is dusting off another of its lines, the Care Bears, which will return with a fresh look this fall (less belly fat, longer eyelashes)."

Can Breakdancing with Belding Be Too Far Behind?

First I noticed that Mario Lopez (aka A.C. Slater) was hosting the America's Best Dance Crew, MTV's new elimination-based dancing competition.  Then I started seeing the commercials on Bravo for Step It Up and Dance, a new dance-off show hosted by none other than Elizabeth Berkley (aka Jessie Spano).  All I can say is that I really hope more networks will start copying the "Saved By the Bell cast member + dancing + weekly eliminations" format.  If I could just get one SBTB dance show per weeknight, that would more or less ensure that I never had time to be in a bad mood.

You Read That Right

With all the reality shows there are out there to get involved in, you'd think the ex-members of a boy band would never have to actually get back into performing; nevertheless, New Kids on the Block have an announcement to make:

After months of speculation and rumor, the Kids are coming back. A well-placed source tells PEOPLE exclusively that New Kids On The Block are indeed getting back together.

The band's Web site, www.nkotb.com, which had been dormant, is now back up and running in anticipation of the official announcement, which the source says will be made in the next few weeks. (Source)

The People article also notes that the group's ages now run from 35 on the low end (Joey McIntire) to 40 (Jonathan Knight).  That makes all of them plenty old enough to be Hannah Montana's father.

UPDATE: Could this "reunion" be merely a reality show, or even nothing at all?  And which would be worse?

The Perfect Costume for Those With an Excess of Red, White, and Blue Clothing and '90s Nostalgia

Those of you who have been following this blog regularly should not be surprised at my choice of Halloween costume this year.  Behold, the American Gladiators:

The boys are (back, L to R): Nick as Nitro, Kevin as Malibu, my brother as Viper and, in front, Ben as our "ref."  The girls are my sister Kate as Storm, Laura as Diamond, and me as Zap.  The pugile sticks were made by yours truly using red wrapping paper rolls, bubble wrap and electrician's tape.  My mom made our name belts.

Here I am with Pancake in his matching bandana:

And here is a jousting face-off between Storm and Diamond:

Check us out here--Best costumes of the day: Wednesday--on USA Today's pop culture blog Pop Candy.  We're fourth from the bottom.

Happy Halloween!

It's Not Just Any Uterus--It's the Uterus of a '90s Child Star!

Yep, Jodie Sweetin is pregnant and TMZ has the sonogram pic to prove it:

It's hard being D-list!  All the A-list starlets can get by just showing their boring external private regions to the cameras, but when you're not as famous you have to up the ante sometimes to get attention.  Like, by showing them the actual inside of your body.  And by selling that first exploitative photo of your child when he/she's at the ripe age of, oh, negative six months old.