31 entries categorized "The '90s"

Halloween 2010

This year I decided to go as a 1990s laser portrait of myself.

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I had originally toyed with the idea of wearing a vest and carrying a bag of combs and my camera and saying I was a school portrait photographer for Halloween, but then it occurred to me to flip the idea and be the portrait instead. The internet being what it is, someone had of course already had this idea at some point, because I was able to very easily find a perfect high-res laser background to suit my needs.

I strongly endorse this costume, should any of you wish to try it at some point. You get to wear a great '90s outfit and look super cheesy in every picture. As a bonus, people will point at you all night and say things like, "OH MAN! MY MOM WOULD NEVER PAY THE EXTRA $10 FOR THAT DAMN BACKGROUND!" And then you can hand them your posterboard and make up for the portrait they were never allowed to get as a kid.

Laserkelly
Everyone wins!


Spawned by the Bell

FYI, Mario Lopez and his girlfriend Courtney had a baby this weekend. Her name is Gia Francesca Lopez--or, as I will call her, Italian Italian Lopez.  She is the second baby to be born to a Saved by the Bell cast member this summer (remember?). Friends, please take out your "Saved by the Bell Actors Who Are Now Parents" Bingo Cards and mark them accordingly.

(Note to self: Must make a "Saved By the Bell Actors Who Are Now Parents" Bingo Card. Tomorrow.)

Anyway, this all is really just background for my main point, which is that I have found my official favorite thing on Earth: this baby picture of Mario Lopez:
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It was (for some reason) in one of the articles about his new baby. Is it not the most hilarious picture ever? It cracks. me. up. I can't even really figure out why I think it's so funny, but I have a few theories:

  1. The arms are so SO CHUBBY.
  2. He's so happy, and he doesn't even know he's Mario Lopez yet!
  3. Baby Mario Lopez looks SO undeniably like Adult Mario Lopez. I feel like I just unlocked him in Mario Kart.
  4. The concept of Mario Lopez every having been a baby is, in and of itself, hilarious.
  5. Baby Mario Lopez has, like, the most sensible and businesslike hairdo ever. It is simply impossible to believe that this infant would one day give birth to the Slater mullet.

Anyway, I hope we get a picture of Baby Italian Italian Lopex soon, so I can put it on the other side of the locket I now keep my Baby Mario Lopez picture in. (Maybekidding. You hope.)


I So Do Not Need Better Reading Material At All

Alanis Morrissette is pregnant, and US Weekly wants to make sure you find out via the cheesiest sentence ever written:

Alanis
That's right!  You oughta know!  Get it?  Get it?  Because this is totally what happens when you stop taking your jagged little pill, amirite?  Yessss!  High fives all around!

(Also, re: her husband, is anyone having huge JVDBR* issues right now?  Just checking.)

*James Van Der Beek Resemblance


The Latest in Ninja Turtle Fashion

Things you can actually buy right now:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle snuggies.  From Hot Topic.  For some reason, Leonardo is not available, which is unfortunate.  Also, if you got one, you would be buying something from Hot Topic.  But still.  They exist:
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The price is $28 and they are evidently available in One Size Fits Emo Boy.

Shredder hoodie.  Sold here.  Made from a fine poly/cotton/excessive '80s-'90s nostalgia blend.  Not only does it have arm spikes, but that face mask looks pretty warm. 

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I must say, these all would have been fine things to have owned when I was walking Pancake around the block in his Master Splinter costume.


Needless to Say, I Recommend Paying for Priority Shipping

You know what your life has been missing?

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THE COMPLETE SERIES OF FULL HOUSE.  On DVD.  32 discs.  192 episodes. 

IT COMES IN A BOX THAT LOOKS LIKE THEIR HOUSE.

And it is on sale at Amazon.com for a mere $78.99.  That's a huge savings off the regular price of $169.98, which is already a STEAL anyway, if you ask me.  (I routinely spend more than that trying to have my hair guy recreate Uncle Jesse's style for me.)

If you aren't convinced, take some time to read the overwhelmingly popular Amazon.com customer reviews of the DVD set.  Reviewer Clavinbot writes, "This is a great box set for those who haven't been getting the sets individually."  TRUE STORY.  And, as someone named Turtlebutt points out, "It is very family friendly."  People named Turtlebutt know these things!!!

I am just going to stop writing now, because by this sentence you have all clicked on over to Amazon to buy this beauty and are clearly no longer reading this post anyway.


Is Your Person on Around the Horn?

Growing up, I was a big fan of Guess Who, a board game that combined the thrill of deductive reasoning with the even greater thrill of making a clacking sound as you flicked characters' photos down after ruling them out.  It should be noted, of course, that the game is best played against an intellectual equal, because there is really no fun in beating some dumb n00b in two seconds because he or she was stupid enough to pick a female or hat-wearing individual for you to guess.  However, once you figure out who the gifted players in your class are, it is possible to have Guess Who matches rivaling the intensity level of an international chess master showdown.

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Every now and then, I will see someone in real life who closely resembles a Guess Who character, and I will get a slightly surreal feeling in response.  For example, this happens every time I see sports journalist Bob Ryan on TV.  The man looks like he jumped off a Guess Who card one day in the '80s and decided to start reporting on sports games.

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Anyway, this past weekend I was hanging out with Emily and I saw a guy who looked exactly like a Guess Who character.  I pointed him out to Emily.  Below, the ensuing dialogue:

Emily: It's Alfred!  He looks like Alfred!

Me: Whoa.  That is pretty impressive that you remember the name.

Emily: Of course I do!  He was Anita's dad.

Me: What???  The game had a back story?  How did I miss that?

Emily: Oh no, not officially.  But I made up back stories for all of the characters.  Like, David and Phillip were in a gay relationship, because they had matching beards.

Yeah.  This also led to an IM conversation today in which Emily informed me that, among other things, Alfred and Maria were a husband-wife international spy duo.  (Exact quote from Emily: "but while Maria is very doting, Alfred is kind of distant.") 

Wow.  I challenge you to find me someone who has spent more time alone with a Guess Who board.