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Five Things I am Scared Of

1. Horses.
Horse_3
Horses have no idea what they are capable of.  They are terrifying.  I am so glad I was not born into a time period that used horses as its primary means of transportation.  Everything about them is scary: those huge teeth, the way they can eat an entire apple in one bite, their massive kicky legs and, most of all, their complete inability to understand the damage they can cause with them.

2. Dakota Fanning

Dakota

Dakota Fanning also has no idea how terrifying she is.  And the worst part is not her crazy eyes, weird teeth or creepy laugh.  She has ruined my sense of suspended disbelief.  I can watch a movie where all the phone numbers start with 555 or where Tara Reid plays someone supposedly intelligent (see Van Wilder), but I can't buy into the parallel universe created where every child in every movie is played by this strange girl.

3. Stories about when people don't get enough anesthesia and they feel the whole surgery but they can't move or scream

Scalpel

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!




4. Purple eyeshadow

EyeshadowPurple eyeshadow is vile and should be outlawed.  Now, you can write this opinion off as an extremist ranting of someone who hit up the Wet n' Wild lavender/lilac/violet trio compact a few too many times in ninth grade and is now forever scarred, or you can face the facts and acknowledge that purple eyeshadow's sole place on the market is to make drag queens look draggier.

5. Poor font choices

Comicsans Comic Sans was cool when you first got Windows 3.1 in middle school and you used it to make a cover page for your book report.  Anyone who still uses this font is insane.  Perhaps I'm being harsh, but I think we should put Comic Sans, Bradley Hand ITC, Lucida Handwriting and Tempus Sans ITC in a box, pour some gasoline on it and light a match.  The picture on the left links to a website that I recommend to all other font-haters.

 


Comments

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Kelly

However, today the widespread heretical uses of this medium prove that even the uneducated, serif-loving, taste-hating, dakota-fanning-fans have opportunities to desecrate this art form; therefore, destroying the historical integrity of typography.

FUCK YEAH. Also they have fonts you can download, but I forget how to put them on my computer in any workable way.

Tori

Wow, Kelly, as a middle school English teacher, I cannot imagine how serious your overexposure to the Comic Sans must be. I am quite sure that every last document I handed in to Mrs. Gulley involved an excessive amount of that font . . .

Skye

Hmm, i am using Comic Sans in my SOSE report right now, and please dont be so harsh as to hate horses, just say dislike or something, i own many of them, and although you have the right to be opinionated, my horses dont eat apples etc. thats stereotype, horses dont bite for the heck of it, and what the hell would the stupid idiot that could get kicked be doing if a horses were to kick him/her? they shouldnt be anywhere near a horse if they have no experience or knowledge, horses are a prey and flight animal..just look up and think about other people feelings before u go saying such harsh things about the most beautiful creatures on this planet, not to mention one of the smartest and well adapted, also very helpful, horses have taught me many things and have always given me a shoulder to cry on..

Lauren

Skye, I'm guessing you are somewhere between the ages of 11 and 14, so I think it's great that you have something you believe in. Stay in school and don't do drugs (or Comic Sans)!

Skye

hmm, not quite, u guessed wrong

Crocodile Dundee

SOSE = Studies of Society and Environment? http://www.qsa.qld.edu.au/yrs1to10/kla/sose/syllabus.html

Maybe that's why Skye is posting at 5:52 am

really,horses arn't that bad to you I hope.Ilove horses and I own atleast six.they really arn't bad animals!they're not gonna come up to you and fight you!thier teeth are'nt monster size,they're really smart and, they don't eat apples in one bite.I know alot about horses so TRUST ME.

Adam

A couple things:
1) Why would anyone care whether you like horses or not?

2) How come nobody's trolling the internet to defend purple eyeshadow in obscure blog posts from a year ago?

Lauren

1) I have no idea.

2) I have no idea.

MB

You didn't even say you hate horses. You said you were scared of them. Why am I concerned with defending you from the Australian middle schooler? I have no idea.

KELLYq

also, like, who cries on a horse's shoulder? that's like prime getting-bitten territory

kevin

there place crumbled but can't disovle so it searches desires construction doesn't want to get it wrong but something stands selfrightous hasn't got a path so no view did it give up for a bouncing bomb?

ok that last post was wierd, but all the arguments for horses are right, only been bitten once, been roiding for a decade, i got bit cuz the horse had bad reaction to dose in the syringe, after horse bit me,( couse i was holdin rope and wouldnt let it run away) it then proceded to run flat out into a barb wire fence, cutting its legs up so bad it had to be put down, point of that story is that ive only been attacked by horse when it was crazy, not when its in normal state, i have been hurt before kinda from horse related things, like i fell off show jumping, but that was my fualt, and when i fell off, my horse stopped and stood over me, and wouldnt let other horses near me, so everyone had to dismount to come help, they coulnt ride over.

Decoda Fanning- crazy eyes, weird teeth or creepy laugh??? wtf!, she has nice dark eyes, she's young, she might need braces, and dont dis peoeples laugh, my friend doesnt laugh becuase peeople made fun of it, besides this girl aint terrifying- she's a godamn twig!!! whats scary about that!!

Movie- yes a igree those stories are bad, it freaks me out to.

purple eye shadow- wtf? why do you care if people wear it, maybe it was made to make drag queens draggier, but people liked it so they bought it

Comice Sans- its a font, ow can u be scared of it, and its better than this font, whats wrong with it, its become the normal font to use, get over it and stop trying to make a career as a critic-you pick really bad subjects

Christeen

wow your like really mean:P Im offended. Horses are amazing to me.

James Buchanan

You used the wrong your.

That's a possessive. You meant to use a contraction.

Also you forgot an apostrophe.

Tarie

Wow.

I found your blog while doing a Google search for a Chihuahua princess backpack for my 5 year old daughter. Yes, seriously - she simply cannot start kindergarten without one.

Apparently Disney princess wedding dresses + chihuahuas in strollers = just what I was looking for.

The comments on this particular post are what frighten ME.

Golly, I hope I'm not being HARSH.

kin

I Have never been bitten by a horse in my entire life and I have been riding for as long as I can remember. for the person that said "why would you cry on a horse's shoulder?, thats prime getting bitten terratory, doesnt know anything about horses. Horses are the sweetest animal you will eer find. And If you ever took the time to be around one, youd know that! My horses are the sweetest, most beautiful1 creatures on this planet. And if you think that you are going to be kicked my a horse just by doing nothing, than you are one dumb person. Im not trying to be harsh but I think it is really stupid to judge horses based on their size, and never get to know them.

WENDYYork25

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