The Most Important Thing I Could Think of to Say on July 20, 2006
I Hope You Didn't Think This Was a PT Cruiser Fan Blog

Nothing Tugs At the Heartstrings Like the Plaintive Bleating of a Sheltered Suburban Kid

OK, I understand the concept of paying rent.  Loathe though I am to part with several hundred dollars a month of my hard-earned money, I can comprehend the fact that there is a price to be paid for living independently in the area of one's choosing.  It makes rational sense.  But I spend the majority of my life operating on a plane that is far removed from rational, so in the end, paying money for things such as shelter, water, electricity and other basic comforts only strikes me as unfair.

Perhaps you are thinking I am extremely selfish for complaining about the fact that for more than 23 years I have been able to take food, shelter, and utilities for granted; well, I happen to think that you take for granted the fact that you are here, on my piece of the internet, reading the blog that I have specifically created to insulate myself from your extraneous and unwanted opinions.  And if that doesn't convince you to feel more sympathetic, then maybe the following graph will help you understand the plight of someone who is forced to summarily take responsibility for her own well-being, existence and entertainment when, prior to now, she has only really had to stretch her means to accomodate the occasional Kit Kat bar.


Now, if the sight of my financial obligations all stacked up like oddly-shaped pieces in the lightning round of some sick Tetris game has not earned me your sympathy, then I'm sorry to hear that your heart is made of stone.  But for those of you who share in my misery--or at least understand it--I thank you for your kindness and want you to know that you are always welcome in my (furnitureless) home.


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There are a few things you can do about this.
1) Convince your parents/other relatives that they haven't done enough for you yet in your life AND that they need to completely make over their own homes. Then take their furniture.
2) Craigslist's free stuff.
3) Cruise the streets of College Park on or about August 15 for all the stuff that people throw out.

If these tips fail you, then let me just say that prostitution always helps me get through the rough times.


So wait, you get Kit Kat bars for free now?

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