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21 posts from December 2006

This Week In Internet: Internet? What Internet?

I took the week off from work so I could sleep and do nothing; since I can't reach the Internet from my bed, I didn't do much browsing at all.  Consequently, I feel in no way qualified to tell you what happened this week in Internet.  I do, however, feel qualified to talk about the following topics:

  • This Week in Being in My Bed
  • This Week in Being on My Couch
  • This Week in Maury Povich
  • This Week in Spending Gift Certificates
  • This Week in Not Putting Away the Christmas Decorations
  • This Week in Pop Tarts and Diet Coke

Dscn4529_1 Sadly, I could also write several hundred words on the topic of "This Week in Setting My Kitchen on Fire," but I think it's best for all of us if I refrain from that.  I will, however, include this picture of our pitifully sooty snowman, who was a little too close to the smoke action.  Sorry, little guy!

This Week In Internet: Whale Vomit, Not Much Else

I'm a little thin on links this week, mostly because the Internet itself gets a little thin this time of year.  Even the celebrities are being pretty boring right now.  Also, pretty much every third page on the Internet right now consists of a list of the Top Something Somethings of 2006, and I'm getting kind of listed out.  (If you've got the appetite for 'em, though, then the Fimoculous roundup of 2006 lists is definitely the place to go to gorge yourself.)

This week's theme is "Checkin' It Twice," partly as a Christmas tie-in and partly because you would have to click each link twice to equal the number of links I usually give you on Friday. 

Untitled20_1compiledThe Nice List:
- Whale vomit.
- Fork art. (via Clicked)
- Celebrity Mii Contest results.
- 15 Best Places to Waste Time on the Web.
- Cathy Addison-Weemer's Christmas card (right)
- Virgin Komodo Dragon expecting Christmas babies (via Defamer)

The Naughy List:
- The 10 Most Dangerous Toys of All Time.
- Will Pay to Catch Your Cold!
- Tyson's Corner traffic.
- Dueling Yule logs. (via TMZ)

The Questionable List:
- 10 Most Bizarre People on Earth. (via Kottke)
- Top 10 Weapons of the Future.

I will have a lot of free time on my hands next week because I am taking the whole week off from work, so if you have any suggestions for blogging assignments then leave them in the comments.

Otherwise, see you Tuesdayish.

Wherein I Brag About Something Some People Would Probably Consider a Disorder

I'm not good at drawing, singing, or dancing, but I do have one talent: sleeping.  No matter what situation I'm in, I can make myself fall asleep very easily.  I don't need it to be dark or quiet, and I don't even need to be tired.  I could have gotten 10 hours of sleep the night before, but if I feel like taking a nap at 11 a.m. while sitting on a park bench as a marching band walks by, I can do it.

Artists, singers, and dancers can show off their skills in places like museums, karaoke bars, and FOX competitions involving celebrities trying to tango; just as they have these forums for exhibiting their talents, I too have mine: 10-hour car trips to Massachusetts.  Me, Mom, Dad, Kelly, Kate, and Michael all make this trip together every Christmas, and I don't know what I would do if I couldn't sleep throught it.

We are leaving for this year's trip tomorrow morning.  As usual, I will bring somewhere along the lines of five magazines, three books, a laptop, four DVDs, and an iPod; also as usual, I will barely read six pages of US Weekly before my eyelids grow heavy and I fall into a deep slumber that is only reserved for interstate highways.  I will wake up somewhere around Connecticut to pee at the rest stop we pee at every year (this rest stop, by the way, is what I base my entire impression of the state of Connecticut on, because the only thing I have ever done in that state is pee there), and then I will get back into the car and sleep some more.  Eventually, I will arrive at my destination feeling like maybe an hour has passed.

My ability to sleep will not win me a Nobel Prize or gain me fame and acclaim, but it will save me from Christmas carols on the radio, Kate vs. Michael fights in the backseat, and the sounds of my parents making driving "suggestions" to one another as the hours go by and the non-sleepers get more and more impatient with one another.  That is enough for me.

So, I Volunteered You for a Task

Last year I showed you some photos of a hideous gingerbread house that my whole family made together.  I hailed it as "proof that seven legitimate adults are not automatically capable of making a gingerbread house without significant design flaws and a backwards chimney."

Despite our gingerbreadinal inadequacies as a family, I decided that this would have to become a Family Tradition(R), which is why I showed up for Thanksgiving this year with a gingerbread house kit under my arm.  My mother had apparently come to the same conclusion, though, and bought a kit as well.  Hers was for a gingerbread train, and the decision was made that we would split into two teams (House Team and Train Team) and have a decorating contest.

"But who will judge it?" My sister asked.

"Oh, the Internet will do it," I offered.

That's right, I volunteered you.  So if you don't mind too terribly much, could you please review these two gingerbread monstrosities and cast your vote for your favorite?  I will not disclose who made what until the voting is over, but feel free to speculate.  One team consisted of me and my little sister Kate, and the other was my older sister Kelly and her husband Brian.

Here's the house (you can click to enlarge and really see the details):



And here is the train:



And here they are head-to-head:


Now, please cast your ballot:

Make Free Online Polls

UPDATE: Voting has ended.  Results are here.

"Most Wonderful Time of the Year" Not Necessarily Most Attractive

We took about 75 pictures on Friday night, but you will notice that only 34 of them made it into the Flickr set.  This is because the other 41 were, to put it simply, too damn ugly.  Some of the rejects (censored, obvi):






Believe me, there are about 35 more where those came from.

The set here contains the pictures of Carolyn's party that actually did make the cut.  You will notice that these so-called "good" pictures still include ones like this:

The embodiment of Christmas joy

and this:

Best KelDoug pic evar

. . . which has got to have you wondering just how bad the censored ones really were.

This Week In Internet: Dolphins, Camels, Cupcakes, Nietzsche

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I hereby present "This Week in Internet: December 11-15."

[Throws magic crystals into the fire, checks to see who got the Snick reference.]

This Week's Theme: "File That One Under . . ."

". . . Headlines, Crazy F-ing Weird"

"LMNOP, Favorite Topics Of"

". . . Gift Ideas, Subsection 4: Ideas for People Who Like Expensive, Useless Shit"

". . . Lists! ListsListsListsListsLists!"

". . . Ends, Loose"