LMNOP

I took the week off from work so I could sleep and do nothing; since I can't reach the Internet from my bed, I didn't do much browsing at all.  Consequently, I feel in no way qualified to tell you what happened this week in Internet.  I do, however, feel qualified to talk about the following topics:

• This Week in Being in My Bed
• This Week in Being on My Couch
• This Week in Maury Povich
• This Week in Spending Gift Certificates
• This Week in Not Putting Away the Christmas Decorations
• This Week in Pop Tarts and Diet Coke

Sadly, I could also write several hundred words on the topic of "This Week in Setting My Kitchen on Fire," but I think it's best for all of us if I refrain from that.  I will, however, include this picture of our pitifully sooty snowman, who was a little too close to the smoke action.  Sorry, little guy!

Cassie: ok when you say u-turn at the third light
Cassie: just literally do a u-turn?
me: ok before i answer that
me: explain to me how else that direction could be interpreted
Cassie: haha
Cassie: well i am not sure

It's not technically Christmas anymore, so I guess it's not OK to post anything Christmas-y.  Unless . . .

. . . IT'S THE BEST CHRISTMAS THING EVER.

Cathy Addison-Weemer, wearing an elf suit and dancing.

Link stolen from Girl con Queso.

I'm a little thin on links this week, mostly because the Internet itself gets a little thin this time of year.  Even the celebrities are being pretty boring right now.  Also, pretty much every third page on the Internet right now consists of a list of the Top Something Somethings of 2006, and I'm getting kind of listed out.  (If you've got the appetite for 'em, though, then the Fimoculous roundup of 2006 lists is definitely the place to go to gorge yourself.)

This week's theme is "Checkin' It Twice," partly as a Christmas tie-in and partly because you would have to click each link twice to equal the number of links I usually give you on Friday. 

The Nice List:
- Whale vomit.
- Fork art. (via Clicked)
- Celebrity Mii Contest results.
- 15 Best Places to Waste Time on the Web.
- Cathy Addison-Weemer's Christmas card (right)
- Virgin Komodo Dragon expecting Christmas babies (via Defamer)

The Naughy List:
- The 10 Most Dangerous Toys of All Time.
- Will Pay to Catch Your Cold!
- Tyson's Corner traffic.
- Dueling Yule logs. (via TMZ)
- youparklikeanasshole.com

The Questionable List:
- 10 Most Bizarre People on Earth. (via Kottke)
- Top 10 Weapons of the Future.

I will have a lot of free time on my hands next week because I am taking the whole week off from work, so if you have any suggestions for blogging assignments then leave them in the comments.

Otherwise, see you Tuesdayish.

New Flickr set comprising various holiday parties/activities is up.  Includes: Caitlar/Phylan's party, Megan's Welcome Back to the US (But Only for a Month) dinner, and Chris/Emily's Chrismahanakwanzaa Party.

I'm not good at drawing, singing, or dancing, but I do have one talent: sleeping.  No matter what situation I'm in, I can make myself fall asleep very easily.  I don't need it to be dark or quiet, and I don't even need to be tired.  I could have gotten 10 hours of sleep the night before, but if I feel like taking a nap at 11 a.m. while sitting on a park bench as a marching band walks by, I can do it.

Artists, singers, and dancers can show off their skills in places like museums, karaoke bars, and FOX competitions involving celebrities trying to tango; just as they have these forums for exhibiting their talents, I too have mine: 10-hour car trips to Massachusetts.  Me, Mom, Dad, Kelly, Kate, and Michael all make this trip together every Christmas, and I don't know what I would do if I couldn't sleep throught it.

We are leaving for this year's trip tomorrow morning.  As usual, I will bring somewhere along the lines of five magazines, three books, a laptop, four DVDs, and an iPod; also as usual, I will barely read six pages of US Weekly before my eyelids grow heavy and I fall into a deep slumber that is only reserved for interstate highways.  I will wake up somewhere around Connecticut to pee at the rest stop we pee at every year (this rest stop, by the way, is what I base my entire impression of the state of Connecticut on, because the only thing I have ever done in that state is pee there), and then I will get back into the car and sleep some more.  Eventually, I will arrive at my destination feeling like maybe an hour has passed.

My ability to sleep will not win me a Nobel Prize or gain me fame and acclaim, but it will save me from Christmas carols on the radio, Kate vs. Michael fights in the backseat, and the sounds of my parents making driving "suggestions" to one another as the hours go by and the non-sleepers get more and more impatient with one another.  That is enough for me.

OK, the results of the vote from yesterday's post are in, and you have chosen your favorite gingerbread creation.  The winner, with 55.4% of the votes, is the gingerbread house!

So, who were the gingerbread artisans behind this masterpiece?  Well . . .

Last year I showed you some photos of a hideous gingerbread house that my whole family made together.  I hailed it as "proof that seven legitimate adults are not automatically capable of making a gingerbread house without significant design flaws and a backwards chimney."

Despite our gingerbreadinal inadequacies as a family, I decided that this would have to become a Family Tradition(R), which is why I showed up for Thanksgiving this year with a gingerbread house kit under my arm.  My mother had apparently come to the same conclusion, though, and bought a kit as well.  Hers was for a gingerbread train, and the decision was made that we would split into two teams (House Team and Train Team) and have a decorating contest.

"But who will judge it?" My sister asked.

"Oh, the Internet will do it," I offered.

That's right, I volunteered you.  So if you don't mind too terribly much, could you please review these two gingerbread monstrosities and cast your vote for your favorite?  I will not disclose who made what until the voting is over, but feel free to speculate.  One team consisted of me and my little sister Kate, and the other was my older sister Kelly and her husband Brian.

Here's the house (you can click to enlarge and really see the details):

And here is the train:

And here they are head-to-head:

Now, please cast your ballot:

UPDATE: Voting has ended.  Results are here.

We took about 75 pictures on Friday night, but you will notice that only 34 of them made it into the Flickr set.  This is because the other 41 were, to put it simply, too damn ugly.  Some of the rejects (censored, obvi):

Believe me, there are about 35 more where those came from.

The set here contains the pictures of Carolyn's party that actually did make the cut.  You will notice that these so-called "good" pictures still include ones like this:

and this:

. . . which has got to have you wondering just how bad the censored ones really were.

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I hereby present "This Week in Internet: December 11-15."

[Throws magic crystals into the fire, checks to see who got the Snick reference.]

This Week's Theme: "File That One Under . . ."

". . . Headlines, Crazy F-ing Weird"

• World's Tallest Man Saves Dolphin (via Linkbunnies) Hint: It involved him reaching his 1.06-meter-long arm into its stomach.  Ooh, I've already said too much.  Just click.
• Airline Workers Sacrifice Camel at Airport.  And yet the rest of us are not even allowed to bring toothpaste inside.
• Kid Arrested for Playing with Christmas Present (via Adam) I would love to be the cop who has to handle the "Disgruntled mothers who want to teach their kids a lesson for peeking" beat.
• Mom: Talking Doll Called My Daughter a 'Slut' (via Fark) The accompanying video is a must see.  Also, is it just me, or does The Little Mermaid have way more than its fair share of bizarre sexual controversies?
• Boy, 11, Kicks Hawk in Face to Save His Puppy (Corporate Casual) We could have used this kid's skillz when a bird swooped down and flew away with my friend's guinea pig in elementary school.

"LMNOP, Favorite Topics Of"

• Who Is This Poor Woman and Why Won't You Leave Her Alone? (Blog con Queso) Cathy Addison-Weemer was strangely intrigued with this look at the plight of a stock-photography model.
• The Office is Bringing Sexy Back (BWE)
• Study Detects Recent Instance of Human Evolution (NYT via Adam) Any article with such a heavy focus on evolution and lactose intolerance can't not be on this blog. Thanks to Adam for sending it in.
• Cupcakes! (WaPo) Cupcakes from Mia's pictured at right, because Bethesdans know how to roll with the cupcake trend.
• Mint Bans Melting Pennies and Nickels for Profit (via Fark) "The U.S. Mint has implemented a rule against melting down pennies and nickels which, at current metal prices, could be worth more as metal than as currency."

". . . Gift Ideas, Subsection 4: Ideas for People Who Like Expensive, Useless Shit"

• Smittens (via Mollygood, who recommends them for TomKat)
• Warhol Soup Cans ( BoingBoing)
• Gucci Ice Cube Trays (Fabsugar) Because your iced tea should dress better than you do.

". . . Lists! ListsListsListsListsLists!"

• 33 Names of Things You Never Knew Had Names (via Clicked) Try calling in sick to work with "Obdormition;" I bet nobody will call you on it.
• The 10 Creepiest Fast Food Mascots (Legendary Ads via Pop Candy) Yep, he's on there.
• 100 Things We Didn't Know This Time Last Year (via Linkbunnies) " #93: Koalas have fingerprints exactly like humans (although obviously smaller)."
• Top 10 Stories of 2006 from National Geographic News (via Fark)

". . . Ends, Loose"

• Oakland boy, 11, a Sophomore at College (via Fark)
• Nietzsche Family Circus (via Fimoculous) Random Family Circus Comics paired with random Nietzsche quotes.  New one every time you refresh the page.
• The Year in Media Errors and Corrections (via Kottke)
• Foolproof Dinner Party Icebreakers (McSweeney's)