LMNOP

This is an unusually busy Saturday at LMNOP, but I need to tell you two important things:

1. Go here to vote for "Aw Dip (The Audit Song)" in the Turbo Tax rap contest.  Two of my friends entered this video for a chance to win money or even a cubic-zirconia-encrusted Turbo Tax logo, and I think you'll agree that their rap merits some serious bling. 

2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CATHY ADDISON-WEEMER!  I know a Georgetown victory would be the best present of all, but I hope your special day is great no matter what.

I put up all the photos from the Rock Paper Scissors regionals last night--the set is here.  A couple of notes:

1. Although Carolyn took the day, let's not forget that Kelly was competing in this event as well.  It was unfortunate bracket placement that led the two to meet in the second round of the competition, but Kelly can take solace in the fact that, as the Bethesda local winner, she is the only person to have beaten Carolyn in tournament play so far.

2. The refs at this event were fabulous and made some totally clutch calls, like when that guy threw paper vertically instead of horizontally and got eliminated.  Here's our fave ref schooling Kelly and the soon-to-be-vanquished Noah on that exact rule.

3. Mad props to Elle, Tori, Doug, Phylan, Eliza, and, well, ME--we definitely were the most amazing cheering section in the building.

I love the expression on Kelly's face in that second picture, btw.

4. Speaking of Kelly--Kel, I have to apologize.  I posted some really unflattering pictures of you in this set.  Normally I would have deleted them, but I just felt that in this case their journalistic merit in telling the story of the tournament was too critical to be denied.

5. WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS!

Hacking John McCain: So awesome.

Tapir receives a massgage: Tapirs are one of my secret favorite animals, so I'm including this for that reason.

World's tallest man ties knot: "Bao Xishun, a 7-foot-9-inch (2.36-meter) herdsman from Inner Mongolia, married saleswoman Xia Shujian, who was 5 feet 6 inches (1.68 meters) tall, several days ago, the Beijing New reported."  You may remember this guy from earlier in the year when he saved a couple dolphins' lives with his superlong arms.

Cool paper art.

April Fool's pranks for nerds: "Go into their mouse settings and swap the mouse buttons. Set left-click as right-click and vice versa. This one is so simple, it's best reserved for the truly helpless. While you're at it, slow down the double-click speed to add an extra helping of annoyance."

Hotmail so not hot: A company posted a job ad in which "they asked for a person with ample experience in using the internet (navigation, searches, formats...).  They received 50 candidacies, from which 30 came from Hotmail-directions, all of them erased as they entered.  The reason: You can't pretend being an internet expert and use a Hotmail account at the same time."

Edible origami cranes: Kel, this is your next cooking challenge.

Peeping Tom sentenced to glow in the dark : A British man who was caught in a woman's garden watching her through her curtains "has been banned from going out at night without a fluorescent jacket on. Stephen Cooper, 24, has been ordered to wear the high-visibility clothing so he can be spotted by potential victims."

New Dairy Queen Logo : Sucks.

Semi-identical twins discovered. "The journal Nature says the twins are identical on their mother's side, but share only half their genes on their father's side.  They are the result of two sperm cells fertilising a single egg, which then divided to form two embryos - and each sperm contributed genes to each child." Sounds totally sweet, but it's a little complicated: "These twins, who were conceived normally, only came to the attention of scientists because one was born with sexually ambiguous genitalia . . . Genetic tests show both are "chimeras", and have some male cells - which have an X and Y chromosome, and female cells - which have two X chromosomes.

Machine translation or Faulkner? Read each quote and determine if it's Faulkner's writing or "machine-translated German text."

A super guide to power-napping. 

One argument for more global warming: It makes more kittens happen!

I'm having trouble composing myself here. 

Remember when I mentioned that Kelly and Carolyn would be participating in the Rock, Paper, Scissors Regional Tournament?  Well, the Regionals were tonight and CAROLYN. WON.  Here she is just a second after her victory throw (her crushed opponent is in the left corner of the photo):

People, she gets a free trip to Vegas to compete in the national tournament (ON ESPN2!) in May.  Free. Trip. To. Vegas.  Naturally, I'm buying my plane ticket tomorrow so I can support her in her bid for RPS glory.

You don't get many moments like this in life.  Congratulations, Carolyn--and don't forget the people who knew you when.

Full photo set will be up tomorrow.

Kelly challenged me to a lip gloss audit this weekend (see this post for explanation), and I failed miserably.  Kelly sat and watched as I pulled tube after tube out of purse, and then she counted them all.

The official total? 11. Whoops.

Since I vowed in my previous post that I would donate $5 to a charity chosen by any person who caught me with more than five lip glosses in my purse, I asked Kelly where I should contribute in her name.

"Ummm, kittens.  Or teachers."

I considered doing $2.50 to an animal charity and $2.50 to an educational charity, but that seemed pathetic.  Instead, I did my research and used Charity Navigator to find a four-star educational charity in the Washington D.C. area.  So Kelly, I am pleased to announce that since you got bored enough on the Metro to randomly audit me,  The NEA Foundation for the Improvement of Education just got $5 richer.  My receipt, as proof:

I had a confirmation e-mail sent to Kelly's address as well for her to cherish forever.  Just like I cherish my lip products.

At the end of an GMail chat session:

me: sweet ok ttyl
Kelly: waiterz
me: whaaaaaaaaat
Kelly: whaaaaaaaaaaaa?
me: ohhh you said waiterz as in laterz? not, "wait!"
Kelly: haha yeah
Kelly: waiterz as "wait" has an exclaimation point
me: ohhhh that's good to know
me: guess i didnt get the updated style guide for 2007

There are new pictures up from this weekend's party at Mike's house.  The full set is here.  As you look at them, you may want to know the background behind this cake--

--which is an edible Exxon Valdez surrounded by a number of "oil-covered" Peeps.

The party was for someone's birthday, but apparently it was also the anniversary of the Exxon Valdez oil spill.  Mike's roommate decided to tastefully acknowledge the occasion with a cake.  (I believe this was also the roommate that made the theme of their Halloween party "Offensive Halloween costumes.")

So yeah, that explains that.

Also, check The Bathtub.  My post is up.

After this weekend's games, just four teams remain in contention for the NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship.  At LMNOP we're down to our own Final Four--the only people who can still win the LMNOP Invitational tournament pool.  They are:

Left to Right: whatever I can get, Hot Sauce, the Ashinator, and Cathy's Champs

Here are the stats on our potential victors:

Whatever I can get: Has the slimmest chance of victory.  Needs a Florida vs. Georgetown matchup in the finals, followed by a Florida win.  Will probably then declare herself The Mayor of Basketball.

Hot Sauce: The only male left in contention for the win.  If Ohio State and Florida meet in the championships, Hot Sauce wins regardless of outcome.  Will rub it in my face for the rest of his natural life.

The Ashinator: A fierce competitor with the best chance of winning right now.  Has the win locked up if we see a UCLA vs. Ohio St. matchup in the finals, and also stands to win if UCLA beats Georgetown for the championship.  Would be the second consecutive blond female to win The Invitational.

Cathy's Champs: Has lived and died by the Hoyas since graduating from Georgetown Law in '92.  If they take the NCAA championship, she takes ours.  She wouldn't want it any other way.

And to recap, these are the possible championship scenarios and the LMNOParticipants that would win in each of them:

Florida vs. Georgetown
Florida wins: whatever I can get
Georgetown wins: Cathy's Champs

UCLA vs. Ohio St.
UCLA wins: the Ashinator
Ohio St. wins: the Ashinator

Florida vs. Ohio St.
Florida wins: Hot Sauce
Ohio St. wins: Hot Sauce

UCLA vs. Georgetown
UCLA wins: the Ashinator
Georgetown wins: Cathy's Champs

It's gonna be an exciting finish!

The Invitational is getting exciting.  My School Was Good at Football, who was getting quite comfortable in the first-place spot, was edged out of that position after last night's games.  However, with five of her Elite Eight and all of her Final Four teams still in it, it's not time to say goodbye to MSWGF just yet.

Also worth noting: four of the spots on the top five leaderboard are currently held by women, including none other than Cathy Addison-Weemer, who came out of nowhere last night to find her way into a three-way tie for second place.  With all of her Final Four teams intact, the Weem-Dogg could be a surprise contender for the win if she keeps this going.

Then again, that could all change after tonight's game.

I thought this New Yorker piece, "The Wisdom of Children," was truly hilarious.  Here's an excerpt from Part I, "A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids’ Table:"

FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.

So this week's theme is for the kids: A Day At Elementary School.

Art Class

• How to make a sideways room.  I really, really, really want someone to do this.
• Neato examples of animation reuse in Disney films.
• Man has slice of ham and pineapple pizza tattooed on his head. The tat was done by the same guy who inked an English breakfast on a man's head a couple of weeks ago. "The tattoo took three hours to complete and features three types of ham, chunks of pineapple and long strands of cheese dripping down Mr Helsby's neck."

Geography

• "A polar bear cub currently living in a zoo in Germany has escaped death by lethal injection after animal rights activists said he would be better off dead."
• Chinese man sentenced to death for selling overpriced ant farms.

Computer Class

• People get online and get meeeeeeean.

Media Center

• Winners of the "Pimp my Bookcart" contest for libraries.
• The sexiest TV stars.

Snacktime

• The first time I have ever looked at a brownie pan and thought, "genius!" 

Recess

• Control the white ball using the arrow keys.  Stay on top of the blue box or YOU LOSE!
• Creepy Russian playground pictures.

Incest: Reach out and touch someone
Venereal disease: Get the sensation
Nerve gas: Betcha can't eat just one
Hepatitis: Yeah, we've got that

Science

• Short attention spans serve a purpose.
• "Fossil hunters have found the remains of small dinosaurs that made their home in a burrow, a finding which implies the reptiles that once ruled the world could exploit a much wider habitat than thought."

Gym Class

• Top 10 Sweet Sixteen upsets since 1996.

School's out, kids.  Have a good weekend.