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26 posts from March 2007

The Sun Wants to See Your Veg

There are so many things about this story (about a parsnip that looks like a witch) that make it Great Journalism:

1. Headline: "The Root of All Evil"
2. The picture of the man and his parsnip
3. The fact that a parsnip made the news at all
5. This quote: "Brian . . . has grown veg (veg?  WTF, Britain?) for five years.  He said keeping a parsnip was a 'bit odd' and it could still end up on his plate or even in a broth."  Well gee, I'll have to make sure I catch the follow-up article, when we find out the thrilling conclusion.
6. The part after the article where The Sun asks, "Who does your veg look like?" and solicits reader responses.

Come Web 2.0 With Me

I've been using Twitter to display little mini-posts on the sidebar for the past few days (look on the left under "My Latest Mobile Update").  I've had to take it down a few times because Twitter's site has been slowing down a bit lately (due to their sudden increase in popularity) and consequently it was slowing mine down as well.  Hopefully they're getting things under control now though.

Twitter is a fun little service and I want some of you to sign up, because it would be even more fun if I had some friends on it.  You don't need a webpage to sign up for it--that's just one way of displaying your updates.  You get your own nifty little page like this one that archives all your updates and generally looks cute.

Check it out and maybe humor me and give it a try.  Waiting in line for groceries is more fun when you can text the Internet to tell it you're waiting in line for groceries!

Happy Birthday, Kate

I'm 22 months older than my sister Kate, which is almost two years. However, from March 19 (her birthday) to May 17 (the day before my birthday) each year, instead of being two years older than her I am just one year older.  I mean, not really, but that's how I always think of it.  Yesterday I was 23 and she was 21; today, I am 23 and she is 22.  When I was younger I always relished the two months a year that this happened because it seemed very cool and close, like we were sisters in a TV show or something. 

Looking back, some of the moments of our childhood we were able to antagonize each other creatively and effectively enough that we probably could have passed for characters on a TV show.  When we were supposed to be cleaning our shared room and I would instead sit on my bed reading a book, Kate would run into the hallway and call downstairs in a whiny, passive-aggressive voice that I still remember today, "Daaaad?  Is Lauren suppooooosed to be reading a book?  Because I thought you said to clean our rooooms."  Then I would get yelled at while she sat sweetly in the corner and watched with delight.  Turd.

I got my revenge.  After seeing how scared she got while watching this movie, I convinced her there were witches living in our very basement and that if she needed to get something from the basement she only had 10 seconds before the witches came out and got her.  My sister claims that to this day, whenever she goes into the basement of our parents' house, she can still hear me standing at the top of the stairs and counting "Ooooooone Mississippi, Twooooooo Mississippi--Hurry up, Kate!--Threeeeeee Mississippi . . ."  Heh heh heh.

Most of the time we got along though.  We looked alike, so we would wear identical outfits and do our hair the same.  When we went to restaurants, I would slouch in my seat and Kate would sit on her heels so that our heights evened out.  We loved when the waitresses asked if we were twins, and when they did we would run to the bathroom and giggle and mock the dumb TGI Friday's employee we had just fooled. "Well, aren't you two just adorable!  Y'all must be twins, right?"

Twins, no.  But total hotties, yes.


Happy b-day, bitch!

This Week In Internet: Madness!

Because it's March, everything must be done in a one-on-one matchup style.  This is the way of the Madness.

Who's Better?
The man who is expecting six children with six different women , all of them due in August, September and October:

"Are you marrying a woman with six children?" asked the confused judge.

"No, I be concubining," he replied, according to the Cincinnati Enquirer.

. . . Lackey's lawyer, Stephen Wenke, stopped his client from saying more.


Any woman who chooses to get married in a bridal gown inspired by Disney princesses ?

"The brand extensions will be inspired by the princesses as well," Cleghorn said. "Bridesmaid dresses will be called maidens and accessories will be called jewels."

Verdict: OK, the guy with the six baby mommas at least has a good vocabulary, which is redeeming.  "I be concubining" may be the best statement ever uttered.  And I can safely say that if one of my female friends asked me to shell out big bucks for some "maiden" dress to offset her Snow White gown at her Disney-themed wedding, I would look at her and say, "You be crack-smoking."  The winner is the Dad-Dad-Dad-Dad-Dad-Dad to Be.

Which is the more awesome legal matter?

The newly-passed resolution in a case we have been tracking on this site "declaring 'Arkansas's' the proper possessive form of the state's name;"


This story out of Montana, wherein "a Billings prosecutor had told a district judge that Phillip C. Holliday Jr., 42, claimed a unicorn was driving when his truck crashed into a light pole earlier this month. But on Wednesday, the chief prosecutor said it was all a misunderstanding."

Verdict: I love me some grammar.  The winner is Arkansas.

What is lamer:

The fact that 20% of men in this survey admitted to sleeping with a teddy bear,


This " grownup-sized inflatable hamster ball?"

Verdict: Obvi the teddy bear thing.  That hamster ball is awesome.  I would live in it.

What is cooler:

Chewing gum that changes your body odor,


A chandelier made out of gummy bears?

Verdict: I'm kind of freaked out by that gum.  A chandelier made of gummy bears, though?  That's the opposite of freaky!  In fact, I can think of nothing more comforting than serving dinner to my houseguests in a room suffused with the light of a thousand little gelatinous fruity blobs.

A few more linkies:

- The emoticon turns 25
- What if the asteroid had missed the dinosaurs?
- Bizarre things German customs confiscated last year
- Tracking the origin of names like "Bennifer" and "Brangelina"
- Beer Madness!  Sunday Source has 64 brews face off
- Huge URL is way useful.  You can now visit this site by visiting " "
- Most-viewed Wikipedia pages

That's all, peeps.  Have a Happy St. Patrick's Day and enjoy the confluence of beer-drinking and basketball-watching that will surely ensue.

Let the Games Begin!

There were 19 official entrants in the LMNOP Invitational this year, all vying for a spot in the LMNOP Hall of Fame.  Actually, technically Cathy and I are just playing for pride, and one entrant forgot to make any picks, so I guess really 16 people are vying for the Hall of Fame spot.  Either way, this year's competition should be as fierce as Tyra Banks riding a lion--especially if Georgetown wins it all.  One in three participants in this year's LMNOP Invitational picked them to win it all.  Where'd that come from?  Cathy Addison-Weemer, who likes to trashtalk, has suggested that you all are jumping onto her bandwagon. She wants me to remind you that she was a Hoya fan before the rest of you were born.  So take that.

Here's a graph of the other teams you picked to win it all:


And oh my God, I just realized I mixed up the little pictures UCLA and UVA.  Dammit.  Ignore that.

In case you're wondering who picked each team:

Georgetown: Reasonable Doubt, Dr. Jerome Matthews, My School Was Good at Football, Cathy's Champs (Cathy Addison-Weemer), Kelly's Best Picks Ever, and TORIbasketBALL

Florida: Lauren's LMNOPicks, Hot Sauce, Whatever I Can Get, Wolly Does Not Know Weingarten (you'll have to explain that reference to me)

North Carolina: I Take Showers and Know Mr. W (also will have to explain the reference to me), JJ's Picks

Wisconsin: Rory Porkham, EmGusk's Fantastic Bracket

Ohio St.: Sipester

UCLA: The Ashinator

King of Queens

Justin's House of China (Unfortunately I get that reference, lame-o)

Since we have twice as many people participating in this year's Invitational, I have resolved to make my coverage at least twice as good.  Last year there weren't many updates because, well, remember last March?  The special events thing?  I was drowning in posts.  This year I shall do better.

The Pi Day Post You Surely Saw Coming

It's Pi Day, which means there is a 314% chance that you will hear at least one lame math joke today (unless you are actually in a math/science profession, in which case there is a 100% chance that you are to blame for spreading these lame jokes throughout society).

I was inspired to browse the discussion boards in honor of this most auspicious day, because hey--it's fun to laugh at nerds!  Below are a couple favorite quotes. Bear in mind that I ridicule these nerds only because I know that most of the people who do things like visit websites devoted to a day devoted to pi are the type to be pretty OK with, and usually even proud of, their geekiness.  In fact, one such kind geek even commented very good-naturedly on last year's post about Pi Day.

From the "I Love Pi Because . . ." discussion board:

"it makes people at school look rather stupid. I have one of the pi shirts from ThinkGeek, and whenever I wear it, there are always at least 5 people that say, "Are those all of the numbers of pi?" A, they're digits, not numbers, and B, PI IS INFINITE!"

God, can't you just picture the gleeful scorn with which this kid delivers that line?  I love it.

"I Love PI because she is the one of the most beautiful parts of our collective mind, she is also my guardian angel and her number can never be calculated or known. She is the edge of all things and a testiment to the limitations of science."


"I love pi becuase it's fun to memorize!"

Of course.  Don't we all? 

Speaking of memorizing pi, here's what one poster wrote in response to the "How many digits have you memorized?" thread.

250! i only memorize once a year-which is around pi day. i hope to get to 1000 one day. it's fun to start randomly recite pi while your friends stare in awe disbelief and of course look at you like you're crazy

I feel like he would get along well with the "they're digits, not numbers" guy.

My Blog Ate My Homework

Hmmm, so I wrote a post earlier today, and it was OK, but then I saved it and now it's gone!  At first I thought maybe I hadn't been paying attention and accidentally posted it to The Bathtub, but it's not showing up there either.  Anyone seen a blog post?

Anyway, it was about how I was mad at my clock and stubbornly refusing to reset it for Daylight Savings time.  The gist of it was that I am pissed, because my clock was off by an hour for the past few months as I was too lazy to update it after the last Daylight Savings date.  Finally, on Friday, I became so annoyed with it that I set it to the correct time.  Three hours later, it dawned on me that if I had just waited until Saturday, the new Daylight Savings would have gone into effect and fixed it for me.  Dammit!

Now my clock is off by an hour again, and as a matter of personal pride (and laziness) I'm refusing to set it, again.  And this is the second time I've written about it today.  I'm pretty good at using my time wisely.