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26 posts from March 2007

This Week in Internet: Justin Timberlake?

Perhaps the decision to include a reference to a ridiculously addictive Justin Timberlake song on this month's banner image was a poor choice. I have had that song stuck in my head for the entire week.  That's why the theme for this week's edition of TWII is "Justin Timberlake Songs."  I am hoping that invoking the names of so many of his (and 'N Sync's) past songs all at once will somehow short-circuit my brain and rid it of its awful new tendency to play "Sexy Back" in a constant loop.

God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You: Except, not really.  Some new dollar coins accidentally printed without the "In God We Trust Imprint."   Those who happened upon them are now saying, "In eBay we trust" and sellin' those suckers for whatever they can get.

Like I Love You:
Study finds that people view their pets through rose-colored glasses, and that they will in fact find reasons to favor anything that you tell them is theirs.  "In another experiment, Kiesler's team asked 36 students to watch a film in which two triangles and a circle seem to have a skirmish. Half were told beforehand that they owned the smaller triangle. On average, this group rated the larger triangle as less "likeable" and most forcefully vilified it for being aggressive."

For the Girl Who Has Everything: A raincoat that protects against bullets, knives, broken bottles, projectiles, needles, and--oh yeah--rain.

Cry Me a River: Columbia students protest that hot Matthew Fox is not good enough to be their graduation speaker. Wahh.

Digital Get Down
: I'm clumping a few computer/technology links under this title, because I'm having trouble finding technology allusions in JT's canon. Shocker, that.

  • Via Fimoculous, a list of the CompUSA stores that are closing (including the one nearish my apartment).  Yay, time to go pick through clearance items!
  • If you have Photoshop you will enjoy playing with the Crest-o-Matic on Jon22.net. I'm still working on my McMahon family crest, and of course then I'll probably have to make an Addison-Weemer one or Cathy will be jealous.
  • The 50 Most Important People on the Web
  • Who Owns Your Image on the Internet?

What Goes Around Comes Around: Little girl calls 911 because her Grandpa is cheating at a board game.

Chop Me Up: Two men get in a fight and decide to take it outside.  The problem?  They were surgeons, and they were in the middle of an operation.

Rock Your Body: American Society for Velociraptor Attack Prevention .  "Velociraptor season is here.  Are you prepared?"

Which Justin Timberlake song is now cycling through your head?


The Shows You Watch When You Don't Have Cable

The other day Kelly commented to me, "I think one of your talents is that you are really good at becoming invested in crappy network TV shows."  Sweet, I'll rank that right up there with "knack for making any situation awkward," "aptitude for buying lip gloss," and "ability to sleep through anything."  Who needs to be able to sing, dance, or draw when you can be blessed with such truly useful skills as mine?

It's true, though.  I have been without cable for six months now, ever since I moved into my apartment and couldn't believe that regular old standard cable was going to cost me $55 a month.  This was a $55 increase over the previous rate I had been paying for cable at my parents' house and in college, so I was understandably shocked.  My roommate was similarly appalled, and she and I both decided that we would enter an experimental phase of living without cable.  We figured we'd just see how long we could go without it.

Our cheap "basic cable package," which comes at a more manageable $14.95/month, comes with 31 channels.  That would be a small number even if they were all good channels, but alas, they are not. The breakdown is more like this:

Basiccable

So I've had to mine the five watchable channels pretty vigorously.  Here are my favorite treasures so far:

Wife Swap, ABC Monday, 8 p.m.
Each week, two new families representing the most extreme polar opposites on a given spectrum (the super religious family and the super-atheist family!  The rural farm family and the sophisticated city family!) switch Moms for two weeks.  Without fail, the newly transplanted Moms are shocked--shocked--to see that ABC has matched them with families that are the complete opposite of their own (it's almost like they're trying to set everyone up for controversy!). 

Here's how it always plays out: both families spend the first 45 minutes of the show making absolutely no attempt to show tolerance of or understanding for the new Mom's way of life, and the new Mom goes through the full cycle of an emotional breakdown in front of our eyes. Then, the last 15 minutes of the show feature each of the families forging a tenuous truce with New Mommy and halfheartedly promising that "thanks to you, this family's going to start recycling/pray more/clean our floors!"

Super Nanny, ABC Monday, 9 p.m.
This comes on right after Wife Swap on Monday nights, ensuring that I start of the week with more than enough examples of why nobody should ever have children or start a family.  Where Wife Swap starts off by showing how insane and obnoxious parents are, Super Nanny picks up and reminds us that kids are pretty damn terrible as well.  This show has added at least five years to the minimum age at which I intend to give birth to any children.  Which I guess means it's up to 95 now.

America's Next Top Model, The CW Wednesday, 8 p.m.
Now in its eighth cycle, this show continues to be television's top provider of two things: dumb girl histrionics and opportunities to marvel at the self-consumed Tyra Banks, who gets 200% more removed from reality with each episode.

Lost, ABC Wednesday, 10 p.m.
Games_lightsoutOK, so do you remember that little handheld game called "Lights Out?"  It was always impossible for me to win at that game, and I hated how it always seemed like the only way to get one of the lights to go off was to trigger, like six of its surrounding lights.  I would always quit with more lights on than I had started with.  Watching Lost has started to become like playing that game, because every time they "solve" one of the show's mystery they introduce another little set of them.  But I can't stop watching, because I'm way more emotionally invested in Lost than I ever was in some dumb puzzle.

The Office, NBC Thursday, 8:30 p.m.
Speaking of emotionally invested, may God bless The Office.  That's all I have to say about this one.

Grease: You're the One That I Want, NBC Sunday, 8 p.m.
I would be embarrassed about this, but I'm too busy tapping my toes to the music!  I have no idea why I like this show (I don't even watch American Idol) but I do.  It's not because the contestants are particularly enthralling--check out the first paragraph of Sandy-wannabe Ashley's lame NBC bio:

Ashley is a small-town girl who loves chocolate (she even hides it in her room in case she's having a craving in the middle of the night!), old movies with Fred Astaire and says she's closest to her mom, Molly. Molly claims that Ashley came out singing and dancing.

Sweet!  I'm dying to read more. 

So yeah, not sure why this show appeals to me so much.  But then again, who knows why Danny liked Sandy so much?  Or why she liked him?  Unless that was made really clear in the movie--I don't think I actually ever even saw it.

Friends, The CW weekdays, 7 and 7:30 p.m.
I'm really into watching Friends right now, because they're airing a bunch of episodes that I missed during my freshman or sophomore year of college when I was obsessed with Survivor for a minute.  And of course, the old episodes with Skinny Chandler and Big Rachel Hair are always a treat as well.  A solid dinnertime choice.

Jeopardy, ABC weekdays, 7:30 p.m.
Obvi.

Well, the end of this story is not going to be me saying that I don't think I'll ever need premium cable again because I've found such joy with basic.  That's just not true.  I do miss VH1 and E! and Bravo all my other friends, and I look forward to having them back someday.  I am, however, quite pleased at how survivable my life has been without them.  I'm more courageous than I thought.


LMNOP Movie Unviews: We Don't Watch 'Em, So You Have To

Jonathan, The Bathtub's newest contributor, debuted his feature "Critically Reclaimed" today.  Each week he will be reviewing a random thing of his choosing.  Reading Jonathan's post today reminded me that I, too, occasionally review (OK, more like summarize) things: movies I haven't seen yet.

Here's another set of movies that I haven't seen yet (and, in most cases, don't really intend to see), summarized based on commercials I've seen, impressions I've gathered, and movie stills from imdb.com.

Premonition

Premonition1

Sandra Bullock: Remember that movie I did kind of recently with, um, I think it was Keanu Reeves?  And I was like in love with him, but we were existing in like parallel universes across time or something?  Yeah, well I guess I'm kind of into the whole freaky mindf*ck thing now, because my new movie is basically a regurgitation of those themes.  It involves me looking confused a lot while I wonder if my huzzie is really dead or something.  Don't I do confused well?

Premonition2

Sandra Bullock: Yeah, I guess that's kind of my thing right now, but--

Premonition3

Julian McMahon: Sandra.  It's me, your co-star Julian McMahon.

Sandra Bullock: Oh, hey!  I was just explaining our movie.

Julian McMahon: I'm hot.

300

3001

YARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! GLOORRRRRRRY!

3002

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

3003

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

3004

ROMANTIC SUBPLOT?

3005

YARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!  BACK TO THE FIGHTING AND THE GLORY!

[Everybody dies.  Fade to black.]

Black Snake Moan

Blacksnake1

Christina Ricci: LOOK AT ME.  Can't you see that I need help?

Blacksnake2

Samuel L. Jackson: Well hey, fortunately I have a two-step program to cure you of your sexual addiction and emotional problems.  First, I chain you to my radiator.

 

Blacksnake3

Christina Ricci: What?  This is nuts!

Samuel L. Jackson: Wait, stay with me.  Step Two is that I heal you with my music.

 

Blacksnake4

Christina Ricci: Hey, I think this is working!

Samuel L. Jackson: Oh, also--somewhere in the process you will definitely need to take a shower.


New Year's Resolution Update

OK, so the New Year's resolution?  Not going so well.  While I have been able to restrict the amount of lip glosses in my purse to five at a time, I've noticed some unfortunate side effects.  I guess the best way to describe it is like this: have you ever tried using your hand to stop running water from coming out of the sink faucet?  You know how it ends up spraying out in every direction?  That's what this is like.

I used to have 21 lip products in my purse.  Now I have five in there--as well as four in the cup holder of my car, three in my coat pocket, three in my pencil cup at work, five on my desk at home, two by the bathroom sink, etc.  THIS IS NOT A SOLUTION.

I'm disappointed.  By this time last year I had my New Year's resolution (to always have gum in my possession) pretty much nailed.  And it's still going successfully!  I've got two packs in my purse right now.  (You may be wondering what I don't have in my purse.  The answer is "cash.")

What are we going to do about this, people?


Cathy Is Hell-Bent on Redeeming Herself This Year

Woah!  Not only is it March now, but apparently it's been March for several days.  I realized this around 7:55 p.m. tonight (it is still technically Sunday as I write this sentence, although a quick glance at my clock tells me that it shan't be for long), just as I was settling down to watch NBC's Grease: You're the One That I Want.  (The reason I have been watching that television show would be the subject of its own post entirely.)

This means three things:

  1. February's shortness has tricked me once again into missing the start of March
  2. My enjoyment of the aforementioned Grease reality show was tempered by the fact that I had to hastily come up with March's site design during the commercial breaks
  3. Time to start thinking about the LMNOP Invitational!

Fortunately there's still plenty of time to get The Invitational (our March Madness bracket pool) going; however, I'm wondering what site we should do the pool through this year.  Are we still cool with Yahoo?  Do people want to do Facebook now, or is that lame?  Are there any cool sites that are painless to register for that I should try?  Or, so nobody has to register for anything whatsoever, should I just make a downloadable, fillable PDF for you all to type your picks into and then e-mail back to me?  The pro with that last option is that if you're already in a pool on Facebook or Yahoo, you wouldn't have to use the same set of picks for the LMNOP Invitational unless you wanted to.

Let me know your thoughts.  I reserve the right to ignore them entirely, of course, but sometimes you people have good ideas.


This Week In Internet

Forgive me.  I'm all discombobulated.  Last week I gave you no "This Week in Internet" roundup at all, and this week I'm a day early. However, I'm not going to be able to post tomorrow morning because I'm leaving early-early to drive to New York.  (Actually, I'm driving to my parents' house and they're driving us all to New York, because Ursinus plays NYU in the first round of the NCAA Women's D3 tournament, but I purposely ended the sentence as it was up there because it sounded much cooler.  But then I cracked.) Anyway, this week's theme is:

THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS

Pride
Study shows college students are narcissistic. "'We need to stop endlessly repeating 'You're special' and having children repeat that back,' said the study's lead author."  In other words, Tyler Durden was right.

Envy

  • Illinois, Kansas, Massachusetts and Texas should all be jealous of Arkansas for filing this resolution.
  • I envy overeducated and underemployed for her hilarious description of Naomi's oscar dress: "souvenir Dick Tracy nightgown with matching armwarmer set."

Anger

Sloth

Greed

Gluttony

Lust

OK, that's it. 

Actually, we have time for one more.  It's this wretched quiz, and believe me--you'll be sorry I ever showed it to you.