In that order. These have accounted for literally thousands of hits, despite the fact that I have never even actually written about Nicole Richie being pregnant on this site. It's insane.
Anyway, now we know. This may only increase the amount of Googling about her, but at least I know it will all be over in about five more months. Thank God for that.
I've done some sifting though, so check back tomorrow for Nicole-free edition of Search and Ye Shall Find.
If you own a digital camera with a video setting, you've probably done that thing where you're trying to take a picture of someone, but then you accidentally take a video because your camera's mode dial is in the wrong position. I probably have about 100 clips on my computer that originated in such a fashion, and they're always a good blend of a little bit funny and a little bit awkward. Here's one from 2004 that's pretty typical:
This past Saturday I decided it would be hilarrrrrious to trick my friends by asking them to smile for pictures, then secretly taking video instead. I wanted to see who would be the quickest to figure out they were getting tricked.
Kelly won, taking a mere six seconds to figure out what was going on. Here's her reaction, although if you are watching it in a monastery or preschool you should be warned that Kelly's middle finger does make a cameo in the clip.
After that she decided to help me prank Matt (who had just come out of the kitchen), but he was a hard one to fool and took just seven seconds. (Also, by this time you have probably noticed that the song playing in the background of some of these clips is Hilary Duff's "So Yesterday." We're gangsta like that.)
Mike clocked in at 12 seconds (monastery/preschool alert: F-word present here):
Finally, There was a two-way tie for last place between Doug and Ashley, both at 13 seconds, but that's OK because they earned other distinctions. Doug gets the award for Least Amused:
And Ashley gets the award for All-Around Best Reaction. (Yet another middle finger here. You people are crude bastards.)
I couldn't fool everyone, though, especially by the end of the night. Here's Ben, who figured out the secret:
And yes, that is me laughing/snorting obnoxiously in the background of just about every video like I think I'm doing the funniest thing ever. But really, would you expect a better sense of humor from someone with Hilary Duff on her iPod?
For the first few weeks in which I ran a "This Week In Internet" post,
I was really good at providing a theme for each recap. However, that
got harder and harder to do. This week, though, I'm back on my game.
The theme is:
THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY
When death comes calling, so does Oscar the cat Cat lovers will see this as a story about the remarkable, intuitive
bond between a compassionate animal and the sick people he helps. Cat
haters will see it as a story of a cat who kills people with his mere
presence.
MySpace: 29,000 Sex Offenders Were Registered On Site On
the one hand, I suppose it's good that MySpace has removed 29,000
registered sexual offenders from its site. On the other hand, I'm
guessing that for every convicted sex offender who registered for
MySpace using his real, full name, there are probably 99 more who were
smart enough to use an alias.
Inmates Accused In Name Copyright Scheme Realistically,
this plan was obviously never going to work. But to look at it from
another perspective, hey--they were already in prison. Might as well
have some fun.
'Office' Hours Coming Early
Fans of The Office, rejoice! Not only will the show be back Sept. 29, but its first four episodes will each be an hour long! The only downside I can think of here is that it will suck when they go back to being just a half hour.
Now for a degree in prostitution? On
the one hand, I can see how this might piss some people off. On the
other hand, I would REALLY like to buy a hoodie that says "Prostitute
University."
The First Time News Was Fit to Print, II This blogger had the fun idea to search the
New York Times
archives and find the first print mention of terms like global warming,
AIDS, Wikipedia, and Donald Trump. Can you guess whether the Times mentioned Nintendo or McDonald's first? Answer may surprise you.
P.S.: I much enjoy the Mental Floss blog--it's a good one to add to your Favorites. (insert bubbling sounds)
One more for the cat people. Lovers will undoubtedly see the
warmth and hilarity in this video of surly Winston being bathed; haters
will like seeing a cat struggle.
One of the most wonderful/awful things about the Internet is that not even the D-list-est of public figures are safe from having their embarrassing moments go straight from a camera phone or Tivo to YouTube notoriety in a matter of hours. One of my favorite sub genres of YouTube bloopers are those videos that involve a news anchor or meteorologist making some kind of hilarious mistake. Imagine my delight, then, when I clicked on a link called "Model Falls, News Anchors Laugh Their Asses Off" and was greeted by the face of D.C.'s very own Jim Vance!
In this (possibly year-old) video, Vance and fellow NBC4 personality George Michael cannot stop cracking up at a clip of a runway model who falls down twice in the span of about seven seconds. It's not THE most outrageous or hilarious news blooper you will ever see, but the fact that it's local gives it major points in my book.
I blogged for KELLYq today in my continued attempt to milk as many posts as possible out of my wretched all-nighter. I think I'm done now.
Additionally, I've posted some pictures of our most recent softball game, which was attended by the adorable Porkchop:
GOD he's so cute.
Finally, I was going through some old pictures when I realized I never shared the following photo with you. These are the dolls my friend JJ has sitting on top of her TV:
They are available for purchase through peeandpoo.com (seriously) and I am not entirely sure why they exist. I am sure, however, that some of my friends (namely Kelly) will find them funny.
If part of being in Hell is that you have to get a job, I bet it involves working the hours that I have worked over the past weekend. I'm going to go sleep it up now, but I don't think I ever showed you this picture of a baby that looks exactly like Chris Farley. It is surely a funny enough image to get you through the day:
Yesterday when I was getting my hair cut, my stylist Dan asked, "What's a duodenum?"
"Umm, something, like, near your diaphragm . . . or something?" I answered expertly.
"OK. That word was in my head and I couldn't remember if it was a body part or some kind of literary term."
That exchange inspired me to prepare the following quiz: "Body
Part, or Literary Term?" Below, I have compiled a list of terms that each
have to do with either literature or the human anatomy; it is up to you
to decide which is which. Answers are after the jump.
Drugs, B-movies, crime, reality TV, etc.--we know what former child stars aren't supposed to do after their initial fame wanes. But what are they supposed to do? There are very few good examples.
[Thoughtful music plays as we all contemplate that point.]
Oh well. Here's one more for the "don't" pile. From yesterday's Access Hollywood:
After reading that, I wasn't sure why Elizabeth Berkley thinks she can help teenage girls. After all, her job history more or less exclusively includes (a) basically giving up her own teenage years to be on TV; and (b) playing a stripper, but hey--who am I to judge? I thought. Then I saw her website, ask-elizabeth.com.
The main components of Elizabeth Berkley's advice website for teens are butterflies, fairies, pink, and Comic Sans. There are also Hello Kitty accents, rainbows, and clouds. It is probably the most hideous website I have ever seen, and my friends will back me up when I say I have seen just about every single page on the Internet.
Actual screenshot from the webpage's intro, so you know I'm not lying.
The ugliness isn't even really the problem, though--it's that Berkley seems to have no concept of what teenage girls are like, which does not bode well for her ability to help them. Today's teens are about as interested in clouds, rainbows and fairies as they are in doing their homework on typewriters.
It may seem strange that someone who once played a teenager on television would be so clueless about adolescence, but think about it--would you ask someone from Grey's Anatomy to operate on you in real life? Probably not.
Anyway, I'm just glad I developed my self esteem the old-fashioned way: by making fun of people.
I was at a wedding reception with a karaoke machine on Saturday, and
for the first couple of hours only the kids were using it because the
adults weren't yet drunk enough to participate. After one adorable
little boy amazed the crowd with his rendition of Rihanna's "Umbrella"
and won a sweet inflatable guitar, yet another cute little boy
approached the mike in the hopes of winning himself a prize too. It
was a great plan: participate in this activity, have all the adults
clap at you adoringly, win prize. He had the situation all figured
out.
The little boy conferred with the DJ re: song selection, and
for some reason they settled on Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive." But
when the music started, the little kid froze and just stared at the
screen silently. The crowd started to clap in encouragement and the DJ
leaned over and said, "You can do it! Just say the words on the
screen! You can do it--sing! Sing!" But the boy looked as distressed
as ever.
Finally, he held the microphone up to his mouth.
"But I can't . . . READ!" he cried. Like, Damn. I was so caught up in my perfect plan to win a blow-up guitar that I forgot I was illiterate!
It may have been the cutest thing ever. (0ther than this, obvi.)
