LMNOP

Those of you who have been following this blog regularly should not be surprised at my choice of Halloween costume this year.  Behold, the American Gladiators:

The boys are (back, L to R): Nick as Nitro, Kevin as Malibu, my brother as Viper and, in front, Ben as our "ref."  The girls are my sister Kate as Storm, Laura as Diamond, and me as Zap.  The pugile sticks were made by yours truly using red wrapping paper rolls, bubble wrap and electrician's tape.  My mom made our name belts.

Here I am with Pancake in his matching bandana:

And here is a jousting face-off between Storm and Diamond:

Check us out here--Best costumes of the day: Wednesday--on USA Today's pop culture blog Pop Candy.  We're fourth from the bottom.

Happy Halloween!

Today's Bathtub post: Fear of Pop.

These are Crocs. 

They are colorful, rubbery, clog-like shoes, and their many outspoken fans and foes have caused them to replace Ugg boots as the reigning Polarizing Footwear Choice in the United States of America.  Anti-Croc people love to villify these shoes, and if you don't believe me then maybe you should you go to IHateCrocs.com and keep yourself up-to-date on the latest anti-Croc literature. 

Or join the I Hate Crocs Facebook Group . 

Or go to YouTube and watch a video of a Croc being set on fire. 

Or choose from an assortment  T-shirts, buttons, and other merchandise proclaiming your hatred for Crocs, like this T-shirt deeming Crocs the visual equivalent of secondhand smoke, or this one showing Crocs about to be destroyed with scissors.  (Nevermind the irony of wearing a T-shirt that is clearly and colorfully emblazoned with the object you deem so visually offensive, thus allowing its image to be even further propagated.)

Well, I would just like to say that these anti-Croc people are pissing me off.  YES, Crocs are ugly shoes.  YES, they become even more unattractive when paired with outfits that do not call for brightly colored rubber shoes (which is pretty much every outfit, except if you are a clown or pediatric nurse).  But guess what else?  YES, you are a bunch of douchebags, you anti-Croc losers.

When you are walking down the street and you see someone wearing a pair of shoes, there is an appropriate course of action you can follow:

1. Momentarily think, "Ew.  Those shoes are ugly.  I would never buy them."
2. Continue on with your life.

However, anti-Croc extremists seem to have replaced this normal reaction with a bizarre, radical meltdown that cannot be explained using traditional human logic.  These people react to Crocs as though they are seeing a live rabbit be skinned.  They wail and rant, and then they go home and make websites about how much they hate a particular type of shoe.  They assault our collective consciousness with a barrage of anti-Croc rhetoric.  And for what?  It won't make the Croc people stop wearing their shoes.  It won't make the company stop making them.  And it's not funny when you're the 6,000th person to have the novel idea to criticize rubber shoes.  So that only leaves us with one reason for criticizing Crocs: to be obnoxious.

The Croc debate needs more moderate voices.  Please, join me.  Together we can make a difference.

Man, Industrious October has become a total joke.  Regardless, here are last week's links:

• Really, really cool poster depicting the anatomy of a balloon animal.
• I want one.
• Sorry, Caitlar: Sarah Jessica Parker named World's Unsexiest Woman
• Sorry, Emily: "The Monmouth University/Gannett New Jersey Poll found 49 percent of New Jersey adults would like to move out of the state, compared to 44 percent who would prefer to stay and 7 percent who are unsure."
• Gross: Apparently there is a "a heap of debris floating in the Pacific that's twice the size of Texas."  It's called the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.
• Weird: "A man has died after a splinter of wood entered his eye during a mock joust for Channel 4 TV series Time Team."
• After winning a prize for growing a 1200-pound pumpkin, a teenager told the Boston Globe his secret: "You spend all your time with it.  No sports. You just come home and be with the pumpkin."  Um, cooooool.
• America's Greenest States.  Holla at No. 5!
• Interesting: "Internet users in Egypt, India and Turkey are the world's most frequent searchers for Web sites using the keyword "sex" on Google search engines, according to statistics provided by Google Inc."  Also: "Chile also came in first place searching for the word 'gay', followed by Mexico and Colombia."
• Woman Arrested for Cursing Her Overflowing Toilet
• "My forecast is that around 2050, the state of Massachusetts will be the first jurisdiction to legalize marriages with robots."

I know I'm not the only one who does it, that there are in fact millions of us out there, but still--I'm embarrassed.  However, I have decided to post about my problem in the hopes of finding others out there who share it.

So: who else watches Kid Nation?

Argument against getting a puppy:
Puppies take up a shitload of your time.

Argument for getting a puppy:

Argument against getting a puppy:
Having a puppy costs a lot of money that could be spent on Pop Tarts and sweatpants.

Argument for getting a puppy:

Argument against getting a puppy:
By taking an animal into your home, you are basically agreeing to oversee and tend to virtually every bowel movement he will have for the rest of his life.

Argument for getting a puppy:

Argument against getting a puppy:

Puppies will chew everything you own.  This behavior will range from merely annoying (shoes, clothes, cell phones) to downright dangerous (electrical cords, batteries).

Argument for getting a puppy:

Argument against getting a puppy:

The soundtrack of your life will consist only of barking, squeaky toys and dog farts.

Argument for getting a puppy:

As a sidenote, you're probably wondering if I plan on blogging about my dog every other day for the rest of my life.  Fair question.  Let me assure you that I do not intend to turn this blog into The Daily Pancake; however, you also have to understand that I have no time to do anything but go to work, come home and follow this puppy around and remove foreign objects from his mouth.  That doesn't leave me with much else to talk about.

Also, say a little prayer, because my little guy's about to lose his little guys--Pancake gets neutered tomorrow!

I often lament the fact that my one true talent--sleeping--can't earn me any money.  Sleeping is probably the one thing I legitimately do better than about 98% of the population, which is unfair because if I were that good at art or singing or something I could try and make a living off of it.

Well, I still haven't found a way to get rich from taking naps, but I'm pleased to report that as of this month my sleeping ability is at least saving me money.  That's an important step.

See, I just moved into a lovely rental home with my new roommate, and while it's not new or huge or worthy of being on Cribs, it does have three bedrooms, new kitchen appliances, a washer and dryer, patio and fenced-in backyard for just the two of us (and Pancake)--all for less rent than we were each paying for the two-bedroom apartments we previously inhabited.  So what's the catch? Well, we're about 50 feet from the railroad tracks.  Just past our back fence and through a few trees are the two different rail lines--Metro and regular--so it's pretty much a guarantee at any hour of the day that at least a few trains are going to be passing by.

For many people, like light sleepers or those with small children, this would be a deal breaker.  However, to me, it is pretty much the best deal ever; it's like saying, "Here, let us give you a huge discount on your rent because the pipes in the walls are mismatching colors."  Sure, sounds good, but I never would have noticed it anyway.

I moved in a week ago and the train has not woken me up once, and I barely notice it when I am awake unless the windows are open and I'm trying to hear something that's at a low volume.  Even better, I've noticed that the train actually has some benefits.  It's a great barking deterrent for Pancake; if I'm not in the room and he starts whining and barking I know it will stop as soon as the first train passes by and distracts him.

So yes, it is time to celebrate.  While my ability to sleep has wreaked havoc in the past and caused me to miss classes, ignore fire alarms and be too out cold to notice I am sleeping in a weird position that will produce unusual pain, it has finally begun to benefit me in a measurable way.  Next thing you know I will be sleeping as a full-time job.

My new place won't have Internet until Sunday or Monday, so I won't be posting until then.  It's actually working out well, because instead of poring over pages and pages of stories about babies driving to Applebees and green bean cans filled with rat parts, I'm doing comparatively worthwhile things like putting furniture together and folding clothing.  So anyway, see you Monday, when I type my very first blog post at my fresh new IKEA desk.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like you to meet the official LMNOPuppy.  This is Pancake:

He's warm, floppy, and goldeny-brown, so I think the name suits him.

Pancake is a four-month-old Silky Jack--half Jack Russell, half Silky Terrier.  I got him on Friday.  He'll stay pretty small, probably under 15 pounds, but right now he's only about a third of that, which means he fits great on a plate with butter and syrup (another reason the name works).

Here's a picture of him with Ben, who picked him out:

I'll have a photo set up on Flickr either tonight or at some point tomorrow showcasing a selection of favorites from the 8.2 jillion photos I've already taken of him.  In the meantime, here are some pictures of me, Kelly, and Doug at the Maryland Renaissance Festival after we hijacked my parents' trip there this weekend.  Because obvi the only thing that even remotely compares to the awesomeness of a puppy is fried food on a stick.

Here are my links for the week:

• New life goal: ride down a river in a giant pumpkin
• Banking trip gone wrong: "The man . . . picked up a blank withdrawal slip from a kiosk, filled it out and went to the counter, where he handed the slip to the teller.  What he didn’t realize was that someone — possibly a practical joker — had scribbled, “This is a stickup,” on the back of the withdrawal slip he picked up.  The teller, who has been the victim of two bank robberies, decided not to take any chances and activated the holdup alarm, then stalled the man."
• "Doctors used a case of vodka to help save an Italian tourist being treated for poisoning in a Queensland hospital."
• Ever see something where you're like, "That was kind of cool, but soooo not worth hundreds of hours of practice?"  Yeah.
• Amazing '80s PSAs starring Jem.
• All the different shoe-lacing methods you will ever, ever need--ever.
• The 10 Rarest Animals in the World.  Love me some Northern Hairy-Nosed Wombat.

Also, I'm moving on Monday, and I highly doubt I will have Internet access for the first few days in my new place.  However, in keeping with the spirit of Industrious October, I will find a way to post.  I will also try to think of more interesting things to write about than "Things I Found Under the Seat of My U-Haul" or "Why Do Cardboard Boxes Smell Like That: An Investigation," but I'm not making any guarantees.  Moving SUCKS.