LMNOP

First I noticed that Mario Lopez (aka A.C. Slater) was hosting the America's Best Dance Crew, MTV's new elimination-based dancing competition.  Then I started seeing the commercials on Bravo for Step It Up and Dance, a new dance-off show hosted by none other than Elizabeth Berkley (aka Jessie Spano).  All I can say is that I really hope more networks will start copying the "Saved By the Bell cast member + dancing + weekly eliminations" format.  If I could just get one SBTB dance show per weeknight, that would more or less ensure that I never had time to be in a bad mood.

Apparently, the Internet would like us all to know that children are doomed.  This is the realization I came to this week as I browsed through my links and realized that a) many of them had to do with kids, and b) all of the kid-related ones were rather depressing.  Don't believe me?  See for yourself:

• Ultimate Fighting for kids
• If you thought kids getting manicures was disgusting, you might not want to read about kids getting bikini waxes.
• Video of kids being indoctrinated into the Young Earth theory of Creationism.
  
• NPR piece on why children curse.  (Answer: because the rest of us teach them to, duh)
• "A new nationwide survey of girls and boys found that a majority of children and youths in the United States have little or no interest with achieving leadership roles when they become adults."
• $204,060
• J Lo's daughter is a little . . . spooky.

Now that I've completely depressed you, here are some slightly more fun links:

• The eight least impressive Guinness records
• How to put someone in a fingerlock.
  
• The guy who played Biff on Back to the Future sings a funny song about all the dumb questions people ask him.
• Free, Web-based Photoshop Express launched.
• List of Crucial Websites for the Internet Freak
• Cornflake shaped like Illinois
  
• Rock Band coming to the Wii this June

So yeah, sorry about America's youth, but at least now you know how to put someone in a fingerlock.

The tournament leaderboard has been updated after last night's games.  Kelly (I Can Has Bracketz?) took the lead last night, and tonyflow09 zoomed up out of nowhere to take one of the top spots.  Unfortunately, Defending Champ (aka Hot Sauce aka Ben aka my boyfriend) is in striking position and assures me everything is going according to his master plan.

More games tonight, then another update!

Note for new-ish readers: The legend of Cathy Addison-Weemer is described somewhat on the FAQ page.

Greetings, readers!  It has been a very long time since I addressed you all publicly, so allow me to introduce myself to those of you who've begun reading this blog in the past year or so.  My name is Cathy Addison-Weemer, and I hold the title of Spokesperson and Legal Counsel for LMNOP. 

I have refrained from posting any public communications on this site in recent months for several reasons; chief among them is the fact that I have been busily defending Lauren in six separate lawsuits filed by members of the National Athletic Trainers' Association in response to this post.  While the allegations against LMNOP are baseless, without merit, and, in most cases, extremely poorly punctuated, I'm afraid it still takes a great amount of work on my part to handle them.

With that being said, Lauren did decide to give me a little break today so that I could respond to a comment from reader Jerome regarding my poor performance in the LMNOP Invitational. Jerome writes:

I think you owe Cathy a chance to explain, via a guest post, why such a high-achieving woman as herself has failed in this pool

Well, Jerome, I appreciate the "high-achieving woman" compliment, and I'd be happy to give you a little background info on how I pick my teams in the NCAA bracket contest.  I have been using the same process every year, and it is actually quite simple.  My goal is to honor teams from good, academically-strong institutions (preferably private ones).  I pick private schools whenever possible, and when the choice is between two private schools I choose the one with the better rep.  And of course, I always pick Georgetown (my law school) for my champion.  Always.  Even though I have not been right since 1984.

Any other questions for me while I'm here?

What if I were to tell you that there is a Disney Bridal line of wedding gowns (as in, for full-grown, adult women to wear at their actual weddings to full-grown, adult men) inspired by Disney Princesses like Ariel, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, etc.?

Don't even bother answering that, because I know your response: a great big Disney-inspired eye roll.  That is the correct reaction, but you might be surprised to see why.

See, yesterday I saw this Jezebel post about said Disney Bridal collection, and by the time I was done reading the first paragraph, I was practically salivating.  I could not WAIT to click through and see all the dresses, which I assumed would be ridiculous, campy, and tacky.  I was already envisioning the awesome blog post I could write mocking them all. Jokes were popping into my head; I was already deciding whether "Hey Ariel, good luck getting your mother-in-law to wear the Ursula dress!" was a better line than "Hey, Cinderella, good luck getting your bridesmaids to wear those ugly stepsister costumes!"  In short, life was good.  I had a potential blog post in the bag. 

And then I saw the dresses. 

Yeah, they're stupid, but for reasons completely opposite of what you'd expect.  Mainly, the problem is that they are extremely subtle--like, so subtle that you can't see the Disney reference in them at all.

The dresses are simply not tacky enough--not enough to be worn by a dumb princess wannabe, and certainly not enough to make fun of in a hilarious, snarky blog post.  Check the Ariel designs, for example:

What's "mermaid" about these, again?  I see no seashell bras.  I see no scalloped lace designed to mimic fish scales. All I see are three basic white wedding dresses!  What about these generic garments is supposed to justify the Disney association (and accompanying Disney price point)?!  They are way too understated for the kind of person who would want to have a Disney-themed wedding.

Here are a few of the other designs:

Each bridal gown also has accompanying "Maiden" (translation: bridesmaid) and "Princess Blossom" (translation: Flower Girl) designs to go with it.  They are similarly underwhelming.

Now I like Disney as much as the next person (probably more), but I consider the Disney Bridal collection a failure.  It's too boring for crazy people, too strange in concept for normal people, and--worst of all--it has no snark-generating value whatsoever.  Not a happy ending.

As you may have noticed, the LMNOP Invitational leaderboard has been gracing the top-right corner of this page since Saturday.  Phylan's Ph-Bracket and Grundle Express stayed on or near the top for most of the weekend, but there are a handful of teams within spitting distance of the top spot.  Things will start to spread out more soon.

Cathy has been occupying last place for pretty much the entire tournament so far, and that doesn't look like it's going to change--she had Georgetown picked to win it all.

In honor of the new VH1 show I Know My Kid's a Star, Rich from FourFour has posted two great clip reels from Showbiz Moms and Dads, the 2004 Bravo show about stage parents.

Here's Duncan Nutter, the 42-year-old man who moved his wife and five kids out of their spacious Vermont home to a two-bedroom in Queens so that he could pursue an acting career:

Someone in the FourFour comments compared Duncan Nutter to a real-life Tobias Funke, if that helps convince you to watch.

And here is Debbie Klingensmith, whose son Shane WILL be the next teen idol, dammit:

This is just the way I like to start off the work week.