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23 posts from June 2008

Next Year They Will Begin Selling Actual Babies

You probably know who Anne Geddes is, but have you ever been to her website?  Turns out putting babies in flower pots is more than just a photography gimmick--it's a freaking industry.  Today I browsed Ms. Geddes' crazy site and found the following products for sale.

"Daffodils" Duvet from the Anne Geddes Bed Linen Collection

Daffodils

Remember that scene in Dodgeball where Vince Vaughan goes to Ben Stiller's wife's house (can't remember the characters' names) and sees all those unicorns everywhere and is really creeped out?  If you are interested in being similarly creepy, but lack the means to buy all those unicorns, I would like to recommend this duvet as an alternative.

The Anne Geddes Mastercard

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The Anne Geddes credit card: just what you need so that the next time a cashier asks you how you will be paying today, you can answer, "In babies.  I will be paying with babies today."

The Anne Geddes Hat

Caps

Detail close-up:

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There are many bizarre items in the clothing section of Anne's site, but these hats are my favorite.  I am trying to think of what scenario they would make sense in, and I think I've got it: an OB-GYN softball team.

The Anne Geddes Watch

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What time is it?!  BABY TIME!

Everyone, pretend to be surprised when I get you all Anne Geddes products for Christmas.


Genius Moment of the Week

This one will be hard to beat.  Yesterday, after parking at Target and setting my keys on top of the car while I arranged my purse, I actually forgot to take my keys with me into the store.  That's right--I just left them sitting on top of my car, out in the open, for over an hour while I shopped.I didn't realize what I had done until I got back to my car and there they were, glistening in the sun. 

At first I was amazed that neither my car nor anything in it was stolen, but after putting a little more thought into it I've decided that maybe I've accidentally stumbled upon an innovation in car safety.  I mean, think about it: who is going to steal a car in a situation like that?  Even the dumbest thief has to assume it's some kind of setup, right?

Either way, I'm pretty impressed with myself.  For years I thought I was dumb every time I locked my keys inside my car, but this was even worse.


Great IM Conversations in History

Virginia, June 1776

Benfranklin TommyJeff3: hey ben, what's a good word for 'obvious'
AlmanacLuvr: ummm idk . . . what do u need it for
TommyJeff3: i'm writing that thing
AlmanacLuvr: ohhhh right right right.  the independence thing
TommyJeff3: yeah i'm stuck on this one sentence right now: "we hold these truths to be ovbious . . ."
AlmanacLuvr: hmm you're right, 'obvious' sounds weird Tomjeffersonthere--did you try asking noah webster for a synonym? he's good with words.
TommyJeff3: he's got an away msg up right now
AlmanacLuvr: lame
TommyJeff3: yeah . . . brb
AlmanacLuvr: k
TommyJeff3: ok i'm back.  i got it!
AlmanacLuvr: yeah?
TommyJeff3: self-evident
AlmanacLuvr: ooh, nice


Signs of the Toypocalypse

Today's NYT included a very interesting (at least, it was interesting to my little born-in-'80s brain) article called "Beloved Characters as Reimagined for the 21st Century."  The best possible summary of it I can give is: LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE.

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One of my favorite characters from childhood has been Bratzed.  According to the article, this is because "an unusually large number of classic characters for children are being freshened up and reintroduced as their corporate owners try to cater to parents' nostalgia and children's YouTube-era sensibilities."  Well thanks, but consider my nostalgia officially NOT catered to on this one.  I have no daughters, but I hardly feel like I could bond with one over her hussified version of my innocent childhood doll; in fact, the contrast between the two actually detracts from any sense of connectedness because it makes it so starkly apparent how much the concept of girlhood has changed and warped in the past couple decades.

Am I alone in my outrage here?  Part of me feels dangerously close to those nerds who come out of the woodwork every time a Star Wars re-make or a movie based on some geeky book comes out so they can rant, rant, rant about the injustices done to the original work.  Plus, it's not like all the dolls I had in the '80s and '90s were completely de-sexed and inoffensive (Barbie, anyone?).  I can't really make the argument that dolls have only just recently begun to reflect unrealistic body types and anti-feminist attributes, but I am disturbed nonetheless by the notion--whether true or untrue--that Strawberry Shortcake could not appeal to today's kids without a complete overhaul of her face, hair, and clothes. 

I guess my problem isn't so much that they are doing this to dolls in general, but that they are doing it to my dolls. Obviously it's an affront to my nostalgic sensibilities, but it also implies certain things I don't agree with.  Like, why does Strawberry Shortcake need to be more "today?"  It's not like we were all wearing bloomers and pinafores a la Strawberry in the '80s--her getup was outdated then, too.  Because she was a doll, with a whimsical back story and a gang of fruity friends who lived in a place called Strawberryland and required a little imagination to appreciate.

I'm hoping this trend just goes away, but it looks like it will claim at least one more of my favorite character lines before all is said and done--from the article: "American Greetings is dusting off another of its lines, the Care Bears, which will return with a fresh look this fall (less belly fat, longer eyelashes)."


Yes, I Also Do Politics

When was the last time a Vice President did something important?

When you think of it that way--especially if you are my age--it seems particularly irrelevant who get chosen as Obama and McCain's Veep candidates.  After all, other than when Dan Quayle jokes were popular, I can't remember a time in my life when a VP came up regularly in conversation.

There has been a lot of scrutiny lately as to whom McC & OB will choose as their running mates, but I thought about it long and hard today and can only conceive of one person who really cares about the decision, and that would be the guy who manufactures those campaign bumper stickers.  He is sooooo in suspense right now.  He's all, "I have the "Obama/" part figured out, but WHAT DO I PUT AFTER THE SLASH?!"


Trade-Off

I tend to justify my excessive consumption of tabloid and gossip media by rationalizing that since I am still well-informed in real current events like politics and shit, I can read all the celebrity crap I want--i.e., it's not like I'm focusing on Britney's weave instead of the war in Iraq; it's in addition to it.  Up till this week my hellish commute home from Tyson's Corner let me catch at least 60 minutes of All Things Considered on NPR each afternoon, and while I may have been insanely disgruntled about traffic, I could at least say I was informed, dammit.

When I accepted my new job, which is all of 15 minutes from home, I was so excited about the decrease in drive time (not to mention the reductions in gas expenditures/the number of times per week I make a pretend gun with my fingers and hold it to my temple), I didn't even think about how it would affect my means of staying informed.  Now, after a week of the 15-minute commute, I realize I have absolutely no idea what is going on in the world.  (On the other hand, I am happier, more rested, and free of headaches.  Looks like "Ignorance is bliss" is in no danger of being stricken from the Usable Cliches list anytime soon.)

I'll probably end up reading the paper more to compensate for my lack of radio news, but I know I will get nowhere close to the level of depth one gets from listening to 5+ hours of public radio each week.  Whatever.  I'm fine with that.  All I really need to do is hear at least one traffic report a day--so I can laugh at it.  Because it doesn't apply to me anymore.