All I Do Is Eat Popsicles and Play Wii

Let's Hear It for the Red, White, and Tuvalu

I totally sweat the Olympics.  I love patriotism and human triumph; most of all, I love being reminded that despite what the Ocean City boardwalk will have me believe, there are still people in the world who have the right bodies for wearing Spandex. 

Now, with the Beijing games only a few short weeks away, my biennial case of Olympic Fever is flaring up again.  To get you as revved up as I am, I present my official list of . . .

The Top Five Reasons To Be Pumped for the Olympics

Reason # 5: Potentially ridiculous outfits at the opening ceremonies

Ralph Lauren is the official outfitter for Team USA this year, and although the outfits for the opening ceremony will not be revealed in advance, I have reason to believe that they will be ridiculous.  That's because they have released a picture of the uniform they created to be worn around the Olympic village, and it looks like this:


Totally geeky.  I do not envy the person whose job it is to persuade Carmelo Anthony to put that combo on.

Reason #4: Tuvalu

Tuvalu, "a Polynesian state composed of nine coral atolls," is set to make its debut at the games this year.  I have no idea what sports they will be competing in, which is reasonable because until two minutes ago I had no idea Tuvalu even existed, but you can bet I will be tracking this exciting young upstart of a nation. 

Reason #3: HDTV

This year's games will be broadcast in HD, meaning we get to see every sweat bead and muscle ripple in complete high-res glory.

Actually, that could be gross.  I'm looking at you, Greco-Roman wrestlers.

Reason #2: Futuristic Controversies

Performance-enhancing drugs are so passe.  All the cool sports have moved on to debating newer, more futuristic technologies.  Most recently, the Speedo LZR swimsuit--a technological marvel with welded seams and a core-stabilizing corset--has generated controversy as to whether or not it gives wearers an unfair advantage.  This article explains:

Check out these numbers: In the first half of 2004, the last Summer Olympic year, one world record was set in Olympic-length pools. So far this year, 22 world records have been set, 21 of them by swimmers in the LZR, leading to an obvious question:

Is it the swimmers? Or is it the suit?

The running community also had a cow over whether or not Oscar Pistorious, a double amputee who runs with the aid of carbon-fiber prostheses, should be allowed to compete in Beijing--or if his fake legs were actually better than the real thing.

Reason #1: FUWA!


Meet the Fuwa, this year's crew of Olympic mascots.  They're like a cross between Power Rangers and Pokemon, and they stand to make this the Cutest Olympics Ever.  I highly recommend this writeup on the crazy amounts of symbolism in everything from their names to their headpieces.

I think my favorite is YingYing.


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hmmm... the fuwa are freaking cute, but cutest olympics ever? i dunno - i think quatchi (vancouver 2010 ubercute sasquatch) could take those little fuwa if there was an olympic mascot deathmatch!!!

James Buchanan

my fave is jing jing the PANDA

Pablo Gómez valero

About vancouver pets has its logic, I was there last year and are typical things of there. The Olympics in China should have prohibited, but I look good to see the Americans dressed in uniforms of those posh boy style,hehehe, the look goin to play golf or go on tour in yacht.


awwohhh... our athletes are going to get their asses kicked wearing those cable knit v-neck sweater vests. the swedes will have a heyday.

James Buchanan

OMG that write up of the olympic mascots is redonk


Another reason those mascots are cool...some accuse them of evil.


Here's the rest of that URL beginning with the "c" sorry about that.


the mayor

My boyf's aunt went to China in February and she bought a whole bunch of keychains of the fuwa. They are just as amazing in rubber with metal rings coming out of their heads as they are in cartoon form.


Who the fuck is accusing a DOUBLE AMPUTEE of cheating? I'm pretty sure that person is going to rot in hell.

rhyming police

Rhyming Jing with Jing is GENIUS!

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