Squiiiiiish
The Only Lip Product Endorsed by Sam Bakula

This Post Contains Sardono-Peptides and Irony Polymers

Am I the only one who hates product advertisements boasting "space age" technology?  Hello: the space age was the '60s. Unless you are advertising 40-year-old technology, find a new adjective. (If you are advertising 40-year-old technology, find a new product.)

Actually, I am not a huge fan in general of advertisements that throw scientific words around in the hopes of making a product sound better. Unfortunately, the cosmetics industry happens to be one of the biggest sinners in this department, and lately it's been even more ridiculous than usual.  Just walking through the aisles of Sephora now requires knowledge of terminology I haven't heard since AP Bio; it wouldn't surprise me to learn that their employee training now includes a Lab credit.

Here are some lines from product descriptions on Sephora.com:

"It's nutrient-packed with 60 bio minerals (including energizing gold), and a breakthrough Invisiskin™ technology that delivers time-released antioxidants, peptides, and brighteners to perfect your complexion." (product)

" . . . offers a unique fiber technology that combines silky-smooth building fibers and long extending fibers to instantly extend and lengthen lashes." (product)

 

"An extraordinary age-fighting moisture cream that has it all, including MMP Inhibitors, Wrinkle Reduction Peptides, Visual Facial Fillers, Cellular Respiration Boosters, Hyperdermal Destressors, 7-Day Hydrators, Barrier Repairing Ceramides, Wrinkle Relaxers, Multifruit Complex, and Vitazyme A." (product)

"Cutting-edge adaptogen technology fortifies skin . . ." (product)


Bio minerals?  Vitazyme A?  Adaptogen technology?
  Clearly that's all bullshit, and frankly I'd rather believe that I don't need that much technology going into my makeup.  Am I so ugly that the only face cream that can help me is NASA-engineered and certified by Nobel Prize-winning chemists?  I would like to think things have not gotten that bad.  And if I ever do become so unattractive that such products are the only thing that can mitigate my ugliness--well, maybe that's when it's time to give up.

Comments

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Ben

"Our team of rocket scientists have been working around the clock to keep you blemish-free!"

lol I actually have this

MariaH

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bull$(#*!!

jb

My personal pet peeve is the latest trend of putting "i" in front of everything to make it sound cutting edge.

I added a URL to my comment for an awesomely bad example. I hope you can see it.

jb

http://brainsonfire.com/blog/2007/10/18/
accidental-naming-or-sheer-brilliance/

NG

The one that drove me nuts was that ad for TREsemme Hydrology shampoo that used to explain to all us stupid women, "That's 'hydro' for water and 'ology' for science."

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