Still Digesting
Current Odds of Becoming a Hat-Maker Are 1 in 863,000,000

Cabinet Positions I Would Be Glad to Fill

  • Secretary of Cheetos and Jellybeans
  • Secretary of Puppy Pictures
  • Secretary of the Interior Monologue
  • Hot-torney General
  • Gnomeland Security Director (Jurisdiction: Fox attacks, mushroom housing, subsidization of pointy red hats)
  • Ecretary-say of Ig-pay Atin-lay
  • Chief of Apostrophes


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If you land that sweet Secretary of Cheetos and Jellybeans job, I hope you remember your old friends. I'd make a great Undersecretary for Novelty Flavored Jellybeans.


That is a tough appointment! You will have to defend my controversial stance on popcorn jellybeans.


Shouldn't that last one be
"Chief" of Apo'strophe's ?


I find that on the hot button issue of popcorn jellybeans, one must refrain from partisan bickering and present a balanced, well-reasoned argument:

They're frickin delicious and anyone who disagrees is a moron.

James Buchanan

FALSE. Those jbeans are mad nasty.

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