If you have been watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey, you have probably already noticed the breakout star that is Dina's hairless cat, who has a tendency to creep into scenes at the best moments. I live for this cat's cameos, so I have decided to write her a fan letter to express my admiration.
I am sure you get a lot of fan mail, so I will try to keep this short. Basically, I just wanted to say that you are, by far, my favorite on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. You have the uncanny ability to walk into any scene and completely steal the show, just by looking like an old man's head. I don't think I need to tell you that in a place like New Jersey, it is truly rare to find such talent.
I admire you, darling hairless cat, for many reasons. First and foremost, you seem to be the only living creature on the entire show that has not had Botox. Seriously. I think even Theresa's three-year-old daughter has had Botox. And yet you rock the wrinkles, never seeming to worry, as others do, that your wrinkled skin will harm your ability to attract rich Jersey man-meat. I admire that independence, and your controversial view that one does not need to be financially supported by an Italian man in a skin-tight shirt in order to be happy.
I love the shameless way you creep up on people and rub against them, demanding their love and affection in spite of your bizarre appearance.I know that if I looked like a pancreas, I would probably feel uncomfortable asking to be fawned over--but you, my dear, are as secure as you are shriveled. We could all learn from your confidence.
This Tuesday is the season finale of RHoNJ, sweet cat, and I
already know that you will be the hardest one to say goodbye to. Let
me start now. Farewell, you wrinkly rock star! I wish you a long,
wonderful life full of only the greatest hairless pleasures. I hope
the days ahead bring you happiness, contentment, and many hours spent
in your favorite place--nuzzling Dina's $20,000 bubbies.
Sincerely, your biggest fan,