LMNOP

Minor League baseball teams have some ridiculous names.  This is clearly a tactic designed to humiliate the players and make them want to practice really hard so they will get promoted to a major league team with a more normal name.  Or maybe it's not.  I don't really care.  I am giving them awards anyway.

Team with the Least Understanding of How Plural Nouns Work: The Buffalo Bisons

I'm pretty sure "bison" is already the plural form of "buffalo," so what does adding an 's' to an already-plural word do?  I guess it makes it a baseball team.  Or a baseballs teams.  Even more confusingly, the Bisons's's's' (I'm pretty sure that is grammatically correct in this situation) logo features just ONE buffalo.  To have even a prayer of being accurate, it should probably feature multiple herds of them.

Team That Sounds Most Like a Band Name: The Jupiter Hammerheads
Probably not a good band, though.

Vacuum Cleaner-iest: The Tri-City Dust Devils
Contrary to what you would think, the Tri-City Dust Devils' mascot is not a vacuum; it's a weird cyclone thing with devil horns.  This is a missed opportunity, if you asked me.  Tornadoes are hateable, unpredictable spells of nature at its worst; vacuums are sleek, fearful things that kill dust and scare dogs.  Clearly a wiser choice to model yourself after.

Team That Probably Sells the Most Merchandise to College Boys: The Modesto Nuts
This is what a Modesto Nuts jersey looks like:

How many 21-year-old guys do you know that would NOT want that??

Team That Sounds Most Like Something You Would Order at an IHOP: The Montgomery Biscuits
Um, BISCUITS?  This is possibly the best team name ever.  (Of course, I named my dog Pancake, so my bias for breakfast names is clearly showing.)

Most Likely to Have Outsourced Its Mascot-Naming Duties to a Seven-Year-Old on Acid: The Fort Wayne Tin Caps
Just hearing the team name of "Tin Caps," what would you picture their mascot as being??  The rusty top of an can, maybe?  Or a baseball hat made out of tin?  Did the words "AN APPLE WEARING A FREAKING POT ON ITS HEAD" happen to cross your mind?  No?  Maybe because you are not a small child on big drugs.

Biggest NERRRRRRRRRDS: The Albuquerque Isotopes
Their mascot is a giant, plush electron.  That should say it all.

Team That Probably Gets the Most Free Pool Shoes: The Everett AquaSox
You know what is a good thing to name a baseball team after?  Dorky shoes that fill up with water and make your feet really heavy.