I Write Vampire Books in a Van Down by the River
This Week in Internet: Logos, Dogs, and Baby-Shaped Fruit

There Is No Excuse for How Much Time I Wasted Taking These Screenshots

I was made aware of the existence of a new Snuggie commercial today.  Here it is:

The general theme of the ad seems to be "look at all the totally fun shit you can do in a Snuggie!"  This totally fun shit includes, but is not limited to:
  • Raising the roof
  • Pouring coffee and doing a butt bump with your significant other
  • Playing Pictionary
  • Doing a shitload of waving 'hello' to a camera
It is totally worth watching at least once.  However, once you watch it several times, you start to notice things, like the weird roles gender and relationship status seem to play in Snuggie selection.  For example, all women pictured alone seem to be wearing animal-print Snuggies:
Whereas all men pictured alone wear Snuggies in bachelor-friendly shades of mustard and forest green:
But notice what happens when Snuggie owners couple up!

They abandon their bachelor/bachelorette Snuggies in favor of simple, coordinated blue and pink Snuggies! And then they make their children do the same, creating entire color-coordinated, be-Snuggied families. 


(By the way: ff this was how families really looked, then the plastic game pieces in the Life board game would have seemed like way more realistic representations of us.)

What conclusions can we draw from this information?  I don't know if I am smart enough to tell you.  However, I bet I know who probably is:

This guy.


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Not sure if I linked you to this before, but someone at my alma mater made an entertaining video featuring the Snuggie:


hahaha, i like


Troubling me about the commercial is the prominently featured "cold man sans Snuggie" in the front row of the crowd at the athletic event. This fool who forgot his Snuggie is forced to opt out of doing the wave, as he's so cold that he must hug himself for warmth. But it's not as though this man came to the game entirely unprepared. He's wearing an f-ing coat! So, the claim being made here is that attending an outdoor event *in a coat* is inferior to attending in a Snuggie? I'll maybe believe a Snuggie is a worthwhile garment if you happen to live in a drafty house, and feel awkward wearing a coat around the house. But, when going outdoors? That's what coats are made for!



Even Weezer likes snuggies. These things are big at my office, though I have to admit this is closely related to the sub-zero average temperature.

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