LMNOP

Over the past few days I have gotten one voicemail, three missed calls, and another voicemail, in that order, from the same caller, who sounds about 13-15 years old.  Her first voicemail was clearly a wrong number; she addressed me as "Matt" and asked why I wasn't at the mall yet.  I am assuming the next three missed calls were attempts to follow up and see why "Matt" had not responded to her.  Then, at some point, she must have actually listened to my voicemail recording and realized that my name was Lauren, and my voice is actually deeper than that of a teenage boy.  At this point, she chose to leave the following message--a truly brilliant free association on my name.  I have transcribed it below:


I was pretty amused and decided to Google the girl's phone number, which traced to a landline in Virginia belonging to someone named Tina.  (Tina's last name and the particular city in Virginia were also given, but I have decided to afford some privacy to my personal teen poet laureate and keep this information secret.)  I kind of want to find her on Facebook and send her a quick message, though, maybe something along the lines of:


Unfortunately, while I may not be the best at finding productive things to do with my time, I have a feeling that I still have a long way to fall before stalking teenagers becomes a reasonable hobby.  So I'll resist.  For now.