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It Should Go Without Saying That I Have No Soul, Either

The Seven Least Interesting People Articles of the Past Few Days

I kind of love reading entertainment/celebrity gossip headlines around major holidays, because that is when they are at their extreme dullest. Well, to be fair, I also like reading them all the other days of the year--I just get a certain other kind of enjoyment out of reading the headlines that come up on the slowest of news days. Here is a countdown of the most ridiculous ones from the past week:

7. The Bachelor: Inside Brad Womack's Stylish Texas Loft

You know that guy on that show you don't watch? You'll never guess where he buys his sheets!

6. "Lindsay Lohan Ready to Start the 'Rest of My Life'"

What a coincidence--I, too, have decided to proceed with my life in a chronological fashion. Trying to start the part of my life that is already over just got really annoying after a while.

5. Kellan Lutz's Slick New Hairstyle

Alternate title: "A Guy from Twilight Put Gel in His Hair"

4. New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys Reveal Their New Year's Resolutions

One of them wants to read more. I hope he starts with People.com.

3. Shania Twain is Married

I just really liked how this headline was written. I kind of expected the story to continue with, "She has been for a few years. But we're talking about it right now because the guy from Twilight washed the gel out of hair, so that story has kind of run its course, and . . . um . . . words!"

2. Valerie Bertinelli Has Star-Studded Wedding

We swear. It was positively studded by stars. Pretty much everyone who didn't get invited to Shania Twain's wedding was there.

1. Newly Single John Mellencamp has Low-Key New Year's Eve

This scorcher was the No. 1 story on the site for at least half of New Year's Day, making it a little harder for us to keep complaining that the mainstream media doesn't tell us enough about the approximate intensity levels of John Mellencamp's holiday celebrations.

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