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Just Doing Some Internet Shopping

I like browsing the Hammacher Schlemmer site on occasion, mostly because it makes me feel like a crazy eccentric evil millionaire villain picking up a few new things for the ol' lair. If you don't know what I mean, check out their Unexpected section post-haste. You will find, among other things:

A $25,000 "Power Nap Capsule" with a larger-than-king-size mattress made of "supple calfskin leather and 6"-thick cold foam." I assume it also has a panel that allows you to pre-set the content of your dreams by adjusting levers labeled World Domination, Jetski Escapes, I Can Fly, and Hairless Cats Love Me.

A $65,000 "Emotive Robotic Avatar" that expresses five emotions. I did the math. That is $13,000 per emotion. 

A $17,000 60 MPH Hovercraft, which seats two and might just be the best deal on the site. I mean, it barely costs more than one of your pet robot's smiles, and it is a HOVERCRAFT that HOVERS and that is AWESOME.

Anyway. The real point of this post is to point out some curious economics at play elsewhere on the site. Let's take a look at two big ticket items that are also available:

1. A Flying Car



Per the description: "Designed by a team of MIT graduates, this is the vehicle that converts from a street-legal automobile to a Light Sport aircraft in 30 seconds." Not bad. (Also: "Its 23-gallon gas tank provides a 425 nautical mile range (35 mpg on the road), indispensable for easy day trips from Long Island to Martha's Vineyard." Did you hear that, Most Disgustingly Rich Person Ever? Your Disgustingly Rich Problem of getting from the motherfucking Hamptons to Martha's motherfucking Vineyard IS NOW SOLVED!)
This is clearly the most awesome thing ever. Please read the entire description and watch the video so you can see/hear the "lifelike reactions and fortissimo bellowing" for yourself.
Anyway, here's what I'm getting at. I present these two items side-by-side for a reason: THEY COST EXACTLY THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY. Flying car? $350,000. Animatronic Triceratops? $350,000.

Now, I'll admit that my brain gets a little hazy trying to understand amounts of money higher than what is required to go halfsies on a Kit Kat. So maybe that's part of the problem. But these two items are clearly not of equal value . . . BECAUSE THE TRICERATOPS IS SO MUCH BETTER. I assume you agree, but I will present my reasoning as a formality: 
In conclusion, here is a $350,000 gift card to Hammacher Schlemmer. I think you know exactly what to do. 


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I'd like the hovercraft for the beach house. Would you get me one for my birthday?


you got it, B

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Great post! Thanks a lot.


Let the record show that I cracked up at "Fortissimo bellowing contest." I'm even laughing as I type it. Nicely done.

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