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4 posts from February 2013

2013 Oscars Recap, Part 3

Continued from Part 1 and Part 2

So. We've done the good and the bad; time for the in-betweens.


Sandra Bullock

Not bad in the full length, but can I get a zoom? For science?

SAAAAANDY. The Queen of England called. She wants her diamond-encrusted Bluetooth back.

Jennifer Anniston

She looks frozen in time, and I mean that in the good way and the bad way. Jennifer mayyyyy have accepted the Gwyneth Paltrowian deal with the devil where you can stop aging if you also arrest your personal sense of style at the same point in time. (Fortunately for Jen, she has a much more timeless sensibility than Gwyneth does.)

Reese Witherspoon

Reese witherspoon
Great hair, but meh on the dress. I think I would have preferred it without the black.

Jennifer Hudson

Jennifer lawrence
People loved this, but it just wasn't my bag. I know I'm in the minority, and I can't even really explain why I don't like it (some kind of reptilian/Flintstonian vibe I can't quite articulate), but every now and then, you disagree with one of the universal faves. This was one of those times.

Jennifer Lawrence

J law
While I'm completely losing you, I'll go ahead and throw it out there that I didn't love Jennifer's look. I know. Don't murder me. I like her. And it was a big night in a big year for J-Law. Good for her. However, neither the hair nor the dress felt spectacular to me. They weren't bad--just not my favorite look of hers. But there's no denying she was queen of the night.


B coop and mom
Forgot to put her under best dressed, but this woman really needs her own category anyway. She's wearing SNEAKS. And that furry thing. She's to die for. 

So that's that. Your comments are, per ALWAYS AND FOREVER, welcomed.

2013 Oscars Recap, Part 2

Continued from Part 1

We've discussed the winners. Time for . . . 


Anne Hathaway

Anne hathaway
Uh, yeah, I hate Anne Hathaway, and yeah, it's just personal. Sorry. Them's the breaks. Regardless, this was a no. In her red carpet interview, Anne joked that the (backless) dress was "business in the front; party in the back." A great follow-up question would have been to ask what business emphasizes awkwardly drawing everyone's eyes to your nipples all night long/forever.

Anyway. Didn't like the color, didn't like the neckline/necklace, still don't like Anne.

Halle Berry

Halle berry

I will admit that this is the best-case scenario for what you get when you say "Beetlejuice" three times.

Helen Hunt
Helen Hunt made a statement by wearing a gown from the H&M Conscious Collection. Appreciate the idea behind it, but, uh, it doesn't look good. I totally emphathize, though, because everything I have ever bought from H&M has ended up fitting improperly and wrinkling instantaneously.

Kristen Chenoweth

Kristen chenoweth
The personality of a teenager aggressively campaigning for Homecoming Queen combined with Disney villain styling. Weird that that didn't work.

This is also the first of several high buns I hated. 

Salma Hayek

Salma hayek
Here is Bun of Death #2. I know this crazy "turtleneck made out of Reese's Cup wrappers" thing doesn't leave many hair options, but the dark bun is just way too severe here.

Renee Zellweger

Renee zellweger
The dress wasn't all that bad., although it was not my cup of tea and it definitely washed her out. But I hate the hair.

Brandi Glanville (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills)

Brandi glanville
OK, so a D-lister dressing badly for attention is the oldest trick in the red carpet book, but what can I say? I like low-hanging fruit. It is, at least, much better than fruit that has been awkwardly smushed upwards at a painful angle . . .

Kristen Stewart

K-Stew actually ended up on a lot of best-dressed lists with this, but C'MAN. She showed up on crutches, her hair was a mess, she glowered through her turn presenting and had a huge bruise on her arm. So yeah, nice dress, but I'm over this low-energy sourpuss and it's gonna take way more than White Swan to change that.

Amanda Seyfriend

Amanda seyfried
This was a bit predictable--it echoed some of her recent looks--and the hair is approaching the preliminary Bride of Frankenstein warning zone. When you combine that with the automatic 5 point SO SICK OF LES MIS deduction I factored in, it's straight to the bottom for Ms. Seyfried.

Amy Adams
It's probably harsh to put her in Worst Dressed, but I think she's lovely and was disappointed with the blah color and last-season trend of whatever that huge, tulle-ified skirt is called.

Zoe Saldana

Zoe saldana
I like that she takes risks, but sometimes risks don't pay off. A belt that looks like it has your high school diploma tucked into it falls firmly into the category of "not paying off."

Next up: Part 3

2013 Oscars Recap, Part 1

When I say the Oscars got off to a bad start last night, I am actually just talking (Anne Hathaway style) about myself. 

(Yeah--best to just open up with my stance on the Great Anne Hathaway Debate. Do not like.) 

Anyway, I had crucially burned some popcorn on my stove immediately prior to the telecast, and as I ran through the house opening windows, turning on fans, clearing smoke, and eventually re-popping popcorn (because I'm not a QUITTER who would abandon her plan for a completely nutrition-less dinner at the first sign of a setback), I caught only snippets of the opening monologue. So for that first 15 minutes or so, I thought my questions (huh? is that William Shatner? Why is Seth McFarlane so obsessed with whether he is a bad host? Are they singing an entire song about boobs?) all had perfectly logical answers that I was just missing because I was only catching bits and pieces from the giant burnt popcorn kernel that was my kitchen.

WELL. I got my act together by 8:45 PM; the show never did. As Richard Rushfield articulates nicely here, the 2013 Oscars were odd, awkward, and tonally schizophrenic: dramatic musical numbers tied together by an ever-thinning thread of Desperate Seth McFarlane.

And that's really all I have to say about the show in general. Let's get to the winners, losers, and, the in-betweeners.


Charlize Theron
Charlize theron
Great dress, but Charlize's natural poise/striking hair took the look to iconic level.

Jessica Chastain
Jessica chastain
This was a great hair night* all around, and Chaz (yeah, I'm calling her Chaz, it's a thing) was best-of-the-best for me. As I tweeted at the time:

*Except for the BUNS, which we will GET TO LATER

Naomi Watts

Naomi watts

Made good on what proved to be a hit-or-miss night for metallics. The cutout is totally what January Jones wishes she was pulling off when she wears kooky stuff that doesn't quite work this well. 

Sally Field

Sally field

Sally is too cute, and I loved this. Great dress, great hair. 

Quvenzhané Wallis

Q wallis
PUPPY PURSE! I was obvs enchanted by Quvenzhané's accessory of choice; I have since learned that this is kind of her thing and she has worn different ones to each major awards show. Now you know how to make an absolutely endearing nine-year-old kid even more endearing.


Won an Oscar, worked the stage, and eschewed her usual kooky/frumpy looks in favor of something a bit more glamorous--her best award show look yet. Nitpick: don't like the hair. MUCH preferred it down during her performance.

Jennifer and Ben

Loved Jen's dress, makeup, hair, AND jewelry. My initial reaction was that she could have done more dramatic makeup, but in retrospect, this was perfect--especially considering it was Ben's night and not hers.

Speaking of which, love the beard on Director Ben. 

Kerry Washington

Kerry washington

Count me among the fans of this color/style. The metallic accent was in keeping with the trend of the night, so the coral color didn't seem too out there. Strong showing.

Up next: Part 2.

2013 Grammy Awards: YAY FOR TACKY CRAP

I'm lacking the time to put together a proper recap today, but I just can't miss the opportunity to praise some of the delightfully tacky outfits from last night's Grammy red carpet.

The past few rounds of Oscars, Globes, and Emmys have had plenty of looks both beautiful and bad, but tacky is its own, specific breed. Tacky isn't so much about wearing a bad outfit--it's about wearing a jubilantly inappropriate one. Like everyone else knew it was an awards show and you thought it was a Dress Like a Human My Little Pony Contest.

Kate pierson
Looking at you, Kate Pierson of the B-a52s. Loooooking at you.

Tacky is never lazy. Tacky takes work. Tacky means spending hours lovingly dying a Rapunzel hair extension in Kool Aid while you wait for your order to arrive. Tacky takes effort.

Bonnie mckee
Tacky is elusive. It reminds you of something, but offers its own spin. Tacky is John Mayer channeling Willy Wonka channeling John Mayer back again.


Tacky is knowing everyone has heard your voice over and over again all year and giving them miles of sheerness and tulle and saying, "HERE'S EVEN MORE ME. YOU'RE WELCOME."

Tacky is whatever this is on whoever this is.

Tacky is the leg slit on the shapeless dress that doesn't even look good with the hair that even looks worse, making it clear that you chose this look not because you liked the designer, but because you like your own bod more than anything that can be made out of mere fabric.

Ain't nothin' wrong with that.

Tacky is sophisticated 70s Mother Nature realness served with a side of This Face, All Night, Because You're Damn Right I'm Serious.

Katy perry
Tacky is Taylor. You know I'm right.

Tacky is great. I miss tacky. Tacky will outlast the careers of all of these people. Tacky is timeless. And you can never go wrong with a classic.

P.S. Tacky is a blog post that uses the T-word 25 times. Sorry I'm not sorry.