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The Most F-ed Up Commercial of the 2014 Superbowl

The Budweiser "Puppy Love" Commercial, embedded below, is regarded by many as the best commercial of the 2014 Superbowl. Please watch it if you haven't already:

Reviews were universally positive.

Budweiser's 'Puppy Love' Ad Wins Super Bowl Viewers' Hearts

"Puppy Love," Budweiser's latest sentimental spot to use a cute dog and photogenic Clydesdales to sell beer, won USA Today's annual Super Bowl Ad Meter.

"Never mind that it aired with just two minutes left in a dog of a game," USA Today writes, the ad "about a spunky puppy who is adopted but keeps coming back home to the Clydesdale horse it loves" scored highest with the newspaper's online audience of 6,272 voters.

The commercial, which Budweiser had put online last week, had been a pregame favorite to win viewers' hearts. After all, a similar spot won last year's Ad Meter.

. . . etc etc. Which is cool, except the commercial is a completely messed up tale of one man's personal tragedy. In order to understand this, you simply have to view the commercial without the scenes with the puppy and horse together--in other word's, from a human point of view.

Let's take a look.

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Welcome to Warm Springs, where the sign clearly says "Puppy Adoption!"
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Warm Springs is home to many sad-looking puppies in need of loving families.
 
[30 seconds of blank tape]
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But look! This sweet little puppy is getting adopted. What a great day for him and his owner, a totally normal-looking guy who has absolutely nothing visible about him that would indicate that he is unfit for puppy ownership. (Sure, he's a little glued to his smart phone, but he's probably texting his friends "OMG JUST GOT THE PUPPY. BE HOME SOON. PLEASE HAVE SO MANY TREATS READY AT THE PUPPY SURPRISE WELCOME HOME PARTY! I WANT THIS TO BE PERFECT.")
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But as the new puppy owner drives home, something in his rearview mirror catches his eye--
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 A motherf*cking Clydesdale coming after him.
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ACTUALLY, MAKE THAT A F*CKING STAMPEDE OF CLYDESDALES, DEMANDING THAT HE RETURN THE PUREBRED PUPPY HE JUST PAID $500 FOR.
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I'm pasting this still again just to reinforce how terrifying this situation is. Imagine your car--where you sit with the tiny precious puppy you are about to begin a life with--surrounded by huge, vengeful horses.
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So the dude does what any normal human would do when confronted with a horse stampede and gives them what they demand. He then presumably drives off in tears, back to a house full of shiny new puppy toys and treats that will never be used, wondering what the f*ck just happened to him.
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Back at the ranch, the dog breeder and the Clydesdale owner are pretty nonchalant about the fact that a) all the priceless Clydesdale horses escaped, and b) one of the puppies they sold just randomly re-appeared. In fact, they are so nonchalant about this that they decide to let one of the horses raise the dog instead of calling the puppy's owner on his CELL PHONE which we all KNOW HE HAD ON HIM.
 
THE END.
 
So. Those are the facts. A man tried to adopt a puppy from a PUPPY ADOPTION PLACE and then got terrorized by horses until he returned it to a crafty woman and a rugged man with preternaturally white teeth. Buy some beer.

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