LMNOP

Today is a big day, because it's the LAST DAY IN MARCH.  As it is the official finale of our March extravaganza, this evening you will be treated to the fabulous conclusion of both Michelle's and Adam's series, as well as some other bonus items.

But the guest of honor for this special day is none other than our own Cathy Addison-Weemer, because it's her BIRTHDAY TODAY!  I hope you will all take a moment to send her your best wishes.  I sent her this e-card. 

Well, I'll be off celebrating the birthday until about 8:30 or 9 tonight.  See you then!

Obviously we here at LMNOP know the meaning of "March Madness."  The NCAA tournament gives us yet another reason to celebrate this glorious month, and we are pleased to announce The LMNOP Invitational, a bracket contest that is open to all of our readers.  Please go to the Yahoo! tournament home page to sign up.  You can find our league by clicking "Create or Join Group," then "Join an Existing Group," "Join a Private Group," and entering the following information:

Group ID# 47767
Password: weemer

Please note that if you do not have a Yahoo! ID already, you'll need to create one.  Cathy Addison-Weemer has tested the sign-up process and found it to be quite simple.  You'll need to fill out a short form:

Then name and confirm your pick set.

The overall process took Cathy under five minutes.  She has a law degree and is extremely intelligent, though, so you might want to allow yourself six minutes.

Good luck signing up.  Please include at least your first name in the name of your pick set, because this is one situation where anonymity is no fun.  The only thing worse than losing in the pool is losing to someone whose name you do not know.

Greetings!

I'm Cathy Addison-Weemer, LMNOP Spokesperson and Legal Counsel.  I've been asked to talk to you today about commenting.

Thanks to Typepad's robust commenting functionality and also to the delightful wit and wisdom of our readers, commenting is one of the site's premiere features.  To help us all continue to make the most of the commenting experience, Lauren has asked me to compile a list of best practices and capabilities for you to leverage.  I do hope you profit from this information.

1. Did you know? You are not required to register with Typepad to submit a comment to this web site!  We have purposely made the "name" and "e-mail address" fields 100% optional to benefit those who don't want to deal with the hassle of registering.

2. Remember: Comments are linked from the front page of the site.  We feature your comments prominently on the home page of our site as evidence of our belief that reader comments are an invaluable part of the site that add untold amounts of humor, knowledge, and perspective to our content.  Thanks!

3. Protect your identity. While we always love comments where the author identifies himself/herself, anonymous comments are welcomed.  Also, consider trying a hilarious nom de plum!  Commenting under the name of "Christopher Columbus' mom" or "Kate Moss," to cite two examples from our archives, can really spice up your contribution.

I hope these tips have been richly informative for both our seasoned commenters and those who lurk in the shadows. I look forward to reviewing the lively dialogue that you will no doubt continue to provide us with.

Warm regards,
Cathy Addison-Weemer

In light of the"Name the Public Speaking Lady" contest and the controversy that came in its aftermath, public approval of LMNOP is at an all-time low.  In order to counter the downward spike in ratings and regain reader loyalty, I consulted our public relations department and have been advised to enact the following damage control plan:

1. Make an executive decision on the public speaking lady's name.
I'm going with Cathy Addison-Weemer.  I realize that this may be upsetting for some of you, including the particularly rabid "Joan-Ellen" faction, but I actually thought the name "Cathy" suited our friend very well, and I am sticking with it.  However, I am going with "Addison-Weemer" for the last name instead of the marginally more popular "Duber," because it is a) slightly more dignified, and b) a full 100% more hyphenated.

2. Rally public opinion around the new name by implementing a propaganda campaign.

3. Issue a formal statement further encouraging readers to welcome the change and ease the transition.

Hopefully our skilled public relations department has averted yet another publicity nightmare.

Well, voting has concluded and our public speaking lady has a first name: Cathy.  Many thanks to all who voted, and a special congratulations to Matt Price of The Blue Pages, who submitted that name.

Now, let's vote on a last name and put this contest to bed.

Please review this ballot and make your selection for the first name of our beloved public speaking lady.  Once the first name is decided, we will vote on the last name.

This list is a fairly comprehensive inventory of your suggestions, although it does not contain the option for Bev "The Train" Carpenter or a host of Doug's suggestions that were borderline profane.

Not that those weren't very funny.

The "Name the Public Speaking Whore" contest is almost over.  In a matter of days, she will be christened with one of the names that you have so graciouly submitted (or a hybrid of several).  Get in those last suggestions ASAP!

Well, the new About page is up and I think we can all agree that it's less ghetto than the old one. 

So that's exciting. 

Even more exciting, though, is the method I have chosen to herald the arrival of the About page: the LMNOP P.S.A. box.  That's right--I have taken the wildly popular public speaking lady and made her a permanent (unless we start getting tired of her) fixture on the page.  As she is the official spokeswoman for this blog, I felt it was only reasonable to give her a more prominent platform.

I've decided she needs a name, though--something corporate-friendly and appropriately staid, but maybe also with a dash of fun.  Like "Peg," but younger.  And of course, she'll need a last name as well.  Maybe a hyphenated one.  And a classy middle initial would be nice. 

I'm leaving this task up to you all.  Please don't let me down.  Use the comments section to offer up suggestions. 

Let's do right by this public speaking lady and give her a name.  Everyone deserves a name.

Some of you have noted that, of last week's planned enhancements to my blog, I fell short of meeting #2 on the list ("updated, non-ghetto 'about' page").  Let me assure you that the new about page is nearly complete and will look a lot better than the current abomination.

But don't take my word for it!  I've hired the public speaking lady from the Kodak post to be this blog's official spokeswoman, because her crisp white blouse and corporate-compliant hair grant her an air of authority that I can only dream of possessing.  Here she is with an official statement:

Thank you to the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle, who ran this on their website a few days ago and caused my head to explode.  Kodak's new logo looks like shit.  It looks even more old-fashioned than the old one, which does not a brand revitalization make. 

Here's the screenshot for anyone too lazy to click on my link.  I also included the moronic poll that the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle chose to put on the page.  What a stupid set of answers.  I wonder if a single one of the people who looked at this logo thought to themselves, "It's definitely what Kodak needs to have a more innovative image!" or, "I'm appalled that Kodak would throw away its tradition and bring in a new logo!"  The only people that I can envision reacting like that are the lame people in textbooks who are usually making communicative hand gestures and look like they would speak in really formal sentences.  Like, say, this lady:

Anyway, thanks.  Thanks, crappy Connecticut (Rhode Island? New York? Whatever.) newspaper, for making my head explode.