LMNOP

Can you even? Because I can't even.

Source article includes a bonus pic of a Golden Retriever who looks like a VERY good boy.

This morning Emily sent me this New York Times article, a 2,000-word examination of leotard sparkles. In case you were wondering:

In 2008, when Nastia Liukin won the gold medal in the individual all-around competition at the Olympics in Beijing, her leotard had 184 crystals on it.

This year, many of the Team USA leotards will have close to 5,000 Swarovski crystals each.

In other words, Sparkle is the currency of gymnastic performance and its inflation rate is a billion percent.

Just another day at the office.

This article has so many choice quotes that I'm not even sure what to do with them all, but here are some key points:

“It’s difficult for me to imagine how we could get more crystals on,” said Kelly McKeown, executive vice president for design and corporate relations at GK Elite, the official outfitter of the American national gymnastics team. This Olympics, “we may have hit peak crystal.”

Peak crystal? Doubt it. Something tells me future sparkle analysts will chuckle at the naivety of this statement . . .

“In the early 1990s, the U.S. team always wore white, because Martha wanted to show off their six-packs,” Ms. McKeown said (referring to abs, not beer).

Incidentally, white is also a great way to display what beer has done to your body.

This autumn, Mr. Wellhoefer said, Swarovski will introduce a new crystal product, called a Concise Crystal, that is 50 percent lighter than previous stones, allowing for even more encrustation and refractory gleam. “We’re in a crystal arms race,” Mr. Wellhoefer said.

Additional evidence that we have NOT reached peak crystal yet. In fact, this may only be the beginning.

Against, considerable odds, there is a new baby panda cub in DC as of last night. Per WaPo:

The National Zoo’s female giant panda gave birth to a cub Sunday night, stunning and delighting zoo officials and sparking a new wave of panda mania in Washington seven years after the zoo’s only other cub was born in 2005.

The cub was born at 10:46 p.m. to Mei Xiang, the zoo said, and curator Becky Malinsky happened to be watching the 24-hour-a-day panda camera feed and heard the first squealing of the newborn.

Mei Xiang is just as suprised as you are.

In celebration/appreciation, a few panda links are most certainly in order. First off, here is some previous LMNOPanda coverage:

• Try Getting THESE Guys to Breed (featuring binder clip pandas)
• He Also Hates Ice Cream, Pizza, and Warm Woolen Mittens (on that guy who claims pandas should be allowed to go extinct)

Elsewhere:

• The zoo's footage of the birth. Don't get too excited; it's mostly just Mei Xiang kind of shifting around in her nest. Panda birth is apparently shrouded in as much mystery as panda pregnancy.
• Washingtonian's roundup of YouTube's best panda vids. Many classics here.
• National Zoo PandaCam. (Word to the un-wise, like me: it took me way too embarrassingly long to figure out that you have to X out the newsletter subscription box to see the cam. Telling you so you can get your panda fix faster than I did.)

P.S.: The giant panda cub's birth came just one day after International Red Panda Day, meaning the butter-stick sized baby already has at least one epic upstage under his belt.

I am using the SOPA blackout as a reason to start plowing through some of the longreads I saved for later but have yet to get back to. Join me if you like. Here are a couple of bookmarks I'm trying to get through today:

How Obama's Long Game Will Outsmart His Critics (recommended today by Billy)

The Search for a More Perfect Kilogram

Some Louis CK reads: Louis CK's Dirty Shameful Comedy (shortish read, actually) and Louis CK Q&A

Say Hello to My Little Friend
A guy calls, says he found some mysterious papers left behind by a dead relative who apparently shrunk human heads and bodies. Do we wanna come see?

'90s FLASHBACK 1: Thurston Moore interviewing Beck circa 1994: this is amazing.

'90s FLASHBACK 2: Best Teen Power Couples 

This was downright gripping: Two champion cyclists try to be the fastest at this thousand-meter race by moving the slowest. In fact, the two competitors go so slowly that at the 3:38 mark, both come to a complete halt. Why?

Sorry, but tooth-shaped cupcakes really freak me out.

I read "PayPal" as "RuPaul" in this headline and was like, WTF, RuPaul??

This is a good article with a GREAT correction.

"Writers and thinkers around the world" opine: what was the most important event of 2011?

This is a grammar rap, so I am contractually obligated to post it.

What's THE BEST MAP EVER???? This, apparently.

I'm pretty sure that Greek Tragedy: The True Paternity of the Girls on Full House counts as long form investigative journalism. (thx, Stephanie!)

Crochetdermy = pretty cool. I love the dog hanging out in the first pic, of course.

Not only is this a Mrs. Doubtfire tattoo, it's a very good one.

Louis vs. Rick was the funniest thing I read last week. Start on Episode 1.

Pretty fascinating vid of a dam being breached.

The 10 Most Amazing Databases in the World.

The world's population has hit 7 billion. What number were you?

Here's a 1956 TV appearance of a man who, at 96, was (at the time) the only living witness of Lincoln's assassination. Interesting clip because of the historical slant AND the fact that the game show is HEAVILY sponsored by Winston cigarettes and the prize includes a carton of cigarettes, which would not fly today. Also, the dude is from Maryland, so heyyyy, just sayin, I got a good amount of mileage out of this one.

Also, don't worry: we're sending Legos to Jupiter.

Word of the Day of the Week: aesopian.

14 Amazing Photos of Dogs Shaking Off Water. Does what it says on the can.

Twaggies, a site that illustrates good tweets, had a couple nice ones this week--like this and this.

Love this Ron Swanson paper doll.

Basement Jaxx as classical music.

This house made from a converted train caboose is pretty neat, but maybe sliiiightly claustrophobia-inducing.

What some cities would look like with narrower streets. I don't know why this is interesting, but it sooooo is.

Ohhh, and FYI: parrots name their babies.

PUPPY PICTURES! This cracked me up.

Where was I before the day I saw this picture? Suddenly, I can't remember.

The chimp is wearing JORTS, for crying out loud. It would have already been a good picture, due to such elements as "bizarrely wise and placid chimp expression," "adorable bebbeh tiger stretttch pose," and the evergreen favorite, "interspecies teamwork." 

But all of that, plus jorts? That's what we in the looking-at-Internet-pics-all-day industry call a GAME CHANGER.

(source)

Since reading this, I have looked at Pancake several times today and whispered, "You wouldn't, would you?"

When Emily, Megan, and I were in the Miami airport for a multiple-hour layover en route to Costa Rica, we browsed in all the shops to kill time. This resulted in, among other things, us buying insane purse zipper charms with our names on them (mine was a fuschia and featured a tiger). They were clearly designed for children; fortunately, we are not the type of people who worry about such details.

Anyway, as we meandered through the duty free shop a bit later, we came across an elaborate display for some Victoria's Secret underwear called "Cheekies." (I'll refrain from posting a picture, since some of you view this blog on your work computers, and not all of you work for victoriassecret.com.)

Emily looked at the mannequin modeling said underwear and asked, "Are these named 'cheerkies' because they show your buttcheeks?"

Because I am a sarcastic asshole, I responded, "No, they are named after the scientist who invented them, Evelyn Cheekies . . . DUHHHH, YES, IT'S BECAUSE THEY SHOW YOUR ASS."

Well, there may not be an Evelyn Cheekie in the annals of history, but there is a Jules Leotard, an Evelyn Bloomer, and an Earl of Cardigan. I learned about them and more in this slideshow of People Who Became Nouns, which I recommend taking a look at.

Maybe McMahon will never become a Noun, but I could see it being a verb that means "to lash out sarcastically at one's friends."