33 entries categorized "Oops"

Lip Gloss Audit Update

In January I challenged you all to catch me with more than five lip products in my purse at a time so as to help me stick to my New Year's Resolution to limit the number of lip glosses I carry around.  Since then I have passed a few Lip Gloss Audits and failed a few more; last week I chalked up one more for the failures column.

My friend Matt called the audit while we were at trivia night with a few friends, and they all looked on as I pulled the following out of my purse:

1 Clinique Butter Shine Lipstick in Praline
1 Stila Long Wear Lip Color in Exquisite
1 Stila Lip Glaze in Black Cherry
1 Stila Lip Glaze in Mandarin Mist
1 Lancome Juicy Tube in Touched by Light
1 DuWop Venom Gloss in Buttercup
1 Neutrogena MoistureShine Soothing Lip Sheer in Cool Nectar
1 Neutrogena MoistureShine Tinted Lip Balm in Glow
1 Wet n Wild Glassy Gloss Lip Gel in Candy Glaze
1 Tarte Lip Pencil Combo in Rock Star
1 Get Real Lemons Lip Balm
1 Sephora Professionnel Most Complete Lip Balm

--for a total of 12 products and one complete failure.

On the bright side though, I would like to mention that I have made sustainable progress on this resolution--it has been a full eight months since I made my resolution and I now have nine fewer lip glosses in my purse than I did then.

Regardless, I still owed money to Matt's charity of choice, as the rules of my resolution require me to make a donation on behalf of any auditor who catches me red-handed.  What's worse, Matt reminded me that he audited me a few months back and I never paid up, so I actually owed him a $10 contribution ($5 each for two failed audits).

Matt chose to direct the money to the University of Iowa Dance Marathon, which is actually a pretty freakin sweet charity (check it out!).  I paid that earlier this week and forwarded Matt a copy of my confirmation e-mail as proof.

With just a few short months to go before 2007 ends and this resolution is no longer up for audit, I encourage you all to challenge me in the weeks ahead.  As an end-of-the-year special, I will even allow out-of-state/country LMNOP fans to audit me by e-mail ([email protected]) if they so choose.  I promise I will respond truthfully with the number of lip glosses I have in my purse at the time I receive your e-mail and, if it's more than five, I will donate $5 to the charity of your choice.

Now it's time to go clean out my purse.

Details, Details

I was at a wedding reception with a karaoke machine on Saturday, and for the first couple of hours only the kids were using it because the adults weren't yet drunk enough to participate.  After one adorable little boy amazed the crowd with his rendition of Rihanna's "Umbrella" and won a sweet inflatable guitar, yet another cute little boy approached the mike in the hopes of winning himself a prize too.  It was a great plan: participate in this activity, have all the adults clap at you adoringly, win prize.  He had the situation all figured out.

The little boy conferred with the DJ re: song selection, and for some reason they settled on Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive."  But when the music started, the little kid froze and just stared at the screen silently.  The crowd started to clap in encouragement and the DJ leaned over and said, "You can do it!  Just say the words on the screen!  You can do it--sing!  Sing!"  But the boy looked as distressed as ever. 

Finally, he held the microphone up to his mouth. "But I can't . . . READ!"  he cried.  Like, DamnI was so caught up in my perfect plan to win a blow-up guitar that I forgot I was illiterate!  It may have been the cutest thing ever.  (0ther than this, obvi.)

Short Recap of a Long Weekend

Three-day weekends are for a lot of things--camping, travelling, swimming, sleeping--but not a lot of Internet-ing.  In case you're feeling out of the loop, here's what you missed over the holiday.

Miss USA tripped
My favorite clip from the weekend is this video of Miss USA Rachel Smith tripping and falling at the Miss Universe pageant last night:

I'm not laughing at her, though--she has mad cred with me now. First of all, as an American, I can honestly say that the person i want representing me at a huge global event is the one who falls down. Anything else would seem extremely unauthentic.  Second of all, did you see how fast she got back up after slipping?  Her ass hit the floor at :07, and she was completely erect again by :09.  That's unbelievable! 

Lindsay Lohan snowballed out of control
It is my journalistic obligation to tell you about this and this, but I'm not discussing it any further.  Don't want the karma.

Rosie O'Donnell quit The View
This whole thing is extremely confusing and made even worse by the ridiculous writing style Rosie uses on her blog.  Let's all just keep not watching The View.

War, Escalating Tensions in the Middle East, Etc., Etc.
That's all still going on.

In short, you didn't miss much.  You have plenty of time to watch the Miss USA video again.

The First Thing I Have Attempted to Cook Since The Great Kitchen Fire of 2006

Recipe: LMNOPancakes

Click to enlarge, IF YOU ARE INSANE.

Combine ingredients in a large bowl.  Realize you have no eggs; substitute handful of chocolate chips instead.  Pour mix into too-hot pan.  Flip after a some-ish-like amount of time.  Fan smoke vigorously.  Repeat until batter is gone or smoke is too thick to continue.  Open windows to let smoke clear.  Serve and enjoy.



Who wants to come over for dinner tomorrow?  It's BYO fire extinguisher here, FYI.

Yet Another Charitable Act By Yours Truly

Another day, another failed lip gloss audit.  The audit was performed by Adam on Friday night at Mike's birthday party, and I had still yet to cleanse my purse of any of the 11 tubes from last time.   I was kind of hoping he would forget about it, though, since we were all drinking and having fun that night.  Yeah, right.  On Monday morning, the following e-mail was waiting for me in my inbox:

Since you have failed to rectify your prior lip gloss infraction and I successfully exposed that fact on Friday night, I insist that you donate $5 to the New Forests Project, in honor of our boy Mike.

So now my lip gloss addiction will be helping to "protect, conserve and enhance the health of the Earth's ecosystems along with the people depending upon them, by supporting integrated grassroots efforts in agroforestry, reforestation, protection of watersheds, water and sanitations and renewable energy initiatives."  Beats buying another tube, I guess.  Maybe.

As instructed, I have officially donated $5 to the New Forests Project in Mike's name.  Adam will be receiving an e-mail notification from NFP about this, because I know he's the type of person that would want proof.

Today I reduced the number of lip glosses in my purse to four again, and I'm aiming to keep it that way until the next audit, whenever that may be.  Bring it on, people.


Kelly challenged me to a lip gloss audit this weekend (see this post for explanation), and I failed miserably.  Kelly sat and watched as I pulled tube after tube out of purse, and then she counted them all.


The official total? 11. Whoops.


Since I vowed in my previous post that I would donate $5 to a charity chosen by any person who caught me with more than five lip glosses in my purse, I asked Kelly where I should contribute in her name.

"Ummm, kittens.  Or teachers."

I considered doing $2.50 to an animal charity and $2.50 to an educational charity, but that seemed pathetic.  Instead, I did my research and used Charity Navigator to find a four-star educational charity in the Washington D.C. area.  So Kelly, I am pleased to announce that since you got bored enough on the Metro to randomly audit me,  The NEA Foundation for the Improvement of Education just got $5 richer.  My receipt, as proof:


I had a confirmation e-mail sent to Kelly's address as well for her to cherish forever.  Just like I cherish my lip products.

My Blog Ate My Homework

Hmmm, so I wrote a post earlier today, and it was OK, but then I saved it and now it's gone!  At first I thought maybe I hadn't been paying attention and accidentally posted it to The Bathtub, but it's not showing up there either.  Anyone seen a blog post?

Anyway, it was about how I was mad at my clock and stubbornly refusing to reset it for Daylight Savings time.  The gist of it was that I am pissed, because my clock was off by an hour for the past few months as I was too lazy to update it after the last Daylight Savings date.  Finally, on Friday, I became so annoyed with it that I set it to the correct time.  Three hours later, it dawned on me that if I had just waited until Saturday, the new Daylight Savings would have gone into effect and fixed it for me.  Dammit!

Now my clock is off by an hour again, and as a matter of personal pride (and laziness) I'm refusing to set it, again.  And this is the second time I've written about it today.  I'm pretty good at using my time wisely.

New Year's Resolution Update

OK, so the New Year's resolution?  Not going so well.  While I have been able to restrict the amount of lip glosses in my purse to five at a time, I've noticed some unfortunate side effects.  I guess the best way to describe it is like this: have you ever tried using your hand to stop running water from coming out of the sink faucet?  You know how it ends up spraying out in every direction?  That's what this is like.

I used to have 21 lip products in my purse.  Now I have five in there--as well as four in the cup holder of my car, three in my coat pocket, three in my pencil cup at work, five on my desk at home, two by the bathroom sink, etc.  THIS IS NOT A SOLUTION.

I'm disappointed.  By this time last year I had my New Year's resolution (to always have gum in my possession) pretty much nailed.  And it's still going successfully!  I've got two packs in my purse right now.  (You may be wondering what I don't have in my purse.  The answer is "cash.")

What are we going to do about this, people?