LMNOP

Having watched COUNTLESS dog/cat/whathaveyou videos on YouTube over the years (aaaand produced a few, let's be honest), I can say that one of my favorite things about these videos is seeing what approach the pet owner/amateur videographer takes to directing his video. Some people breathe heavily or laugh intermittently in the background; others choose to narrate their pets' antics, which always cracks me up because, like, you do not need to explain that your kitten is yawning because he's tired. 

But this guy--

--may have just changed my mind by providing the most insanely obvious, yet totally amazing extended narration of his cat blending in with a blanket. He finds a way to fill up ONE HUNDRED and FIFTY THREE SECONDS with detailed commentary on the situation. I found myself unable to stop watching until the end--even though it takes about two seconds for the point of the video (cat look like blanket!) to register--because I just wanted to see what more the man could possibly say about the situation.

Bravo, guy. I expect a sequel.

This is a video of a woman dancing to "You're the One That I Want" (from Grease) with her dog:

(http://youtu.be/HgTgO1Zojyg)

There are many possible reactions to this video, but there is only one that means you officially waste way too much time online. If you, like me, watched this video and said, "Wow, this video is way worse than that other video of a woman dancing to 'You're the One That I Want' with her dog," then congratulations: you win. (Slash lose.)

Here, for reference, is the other video, which is from a few years ago:

(http://youtu.be/akYEagV4UfE)

I think this means I have made it all the way around the internet and am back at the beginning.

Today Emily notified me that the clip I posted yesterday is actually pulled from a longer CBS News piece profiling three different hand models. This brings me to my first point: why is there no word in the English language for "the joy you feel when you realize that a glorious clip you saw yesterday of a hand model talking about her hands is actually part of an eight-minute segment on SEVERAL hand models talking about ALL OF THEIR HANDS?" Because we need that word.

This video gives us more background on Ellen, who owns 500 pairs of gloves and seems to have given birth to a daughter solely because she wanted to have someone be able to buckle her shoes for her. Additionally, we also meet Christina, whose "god-given gift is a broad nailbed," and Leland, who excels at squeezing lemons in Red Lobster commercials in such a fashion that the juice does not get on his thumb.

Here is the full segment:

[Link: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4063913n&tag=related;photovideo]

Is this as enthralling for you all as it is for me? Because I would watch an entire reality series about these people.

Perhaps you remember this article from a few weeks back about hand model Kimbra Hickley, whose hands are featured holding an apple on the cover of Twilight. My impression at the time was that Kimbra--who admitted to doing things like going up to random people on the subway and telling them those were her hands on the cover of their books--was, like, the craziest hand model ever.

Kimbra, this is my formal apology to you. You are only the second craziest hand model ever. Please meet Ellen Sirot, interviewed here for a CBS news piece:

The clip actually appears to be from sometime in 2008, but fortunately, Ellen's is a timeless kind of crazy that only gets better with time.

One thing the internet has proved is that if you can think of an idea, someone else out there has probably also thought of it, too. (Or at least, something very similar.) This can be kind of depressing, because it makes it realllllly hard to have an original thought. But it can also be kind of satisfying, because sometimes you get an idea that you are mildly amused by, but don't feel like executing yourself, and lo--you Google it, and someone has already done the legwork for you. At least, this was the case for me the other day when I thought about how it would be funny if someone did a "Teach Me How to Snuggie" video parody based on "Teach Me How to Dougie." This was certainly not something I was going to do myself. That would have required effort and considerably more Snuggies than I own.

Fortunately, there are no fewer than 232 YouTube search results for "Teach Me How to Snuggie;" here is just one of the many:

OK, that was a really stupid idea.

Exhibit A (by land):

Exhibit B (by sea):

. . . Here is a sea lion doing sit-ups:

Well, lookie what we have here: a crapload of animated GIFs, set to Girl Talk’s “NightRipper:"

Cache Rules Everything Around Me from Evan Roth on Vimeo.

I watched the entire thing and felt like my brain had been reprogrammed . . . IN THE MOST EXCELLENT WAY POSSIBLE.

Happy National Dog Day, btw.